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I want to be an adoptive mama!

Posted by on Aug. 18, 2012 at 12:02 PM
  • 12 Replies
I dream of one day adopting a baby either internationally or home. I feel like my biological family is complete but would love to welcome more into our family. I know this is a long term goal since I'm 24 and unmarried and almost finished with college. I have spoken to my pastor about all that I would have to do To become an adoptive parent. I am working hard to accomplish that . The only problem...my SO does NOT support this decision at all. He cannot look past the biological aspect. If it doesn't share his DNA it's not his. I can't overlook this in the long run. I know in my heart that I was meant to do this and that's never ever going to change. I don't know if I will ever be able to bring him around. We are at a stalemate. Any adoptive mamas that had a little trouble with their Dh's? Did they come around?
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by on Aug. 18, 2012 at 12:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ilovemykids732
by on Aug. 18, 2012 at 12:08 PM

We havent adopted... and if there was a case where DH and I couldnt have our own we would gladly adopt... so here is a BUMP dear... my Dh is 29 now... but since we started dating when he was 21 we have talked about adoption... and we agreed we were ok with it... good luck Mama...

Threes.Company
by on Aug. 18, 2012 at 3:03 PM
My DH is like your SO. I ended up dropping it. I wouldn't want the child to feline his or her adoptive father didn't see him or her as his child. Plus it is a huge financial expense.

If you really want to do it, all you can do is give him time and try to educate him on it. See if you can set up an interview with an adoptive father so he can talk to a dad who has been through it?
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BraydensMama163
by Member on Aug. 18, 2012 at 3:06 PM
My husband and I decided we are going to start fostering next year. Maybe you could try that first.
You qualify if your single.
Look it up and see.what the requirements are for your area.
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mcginnisc
by Member on Aug. 18, 2012 at 4:17 PM

If your other half is NOT on board- DO NOT attempt it. Of course, any Social Worker worth their salt is going to extensively interview everyone in the house and find out how they feel about adoption in general. It will be a huge red flag for the SW and you would not be approved if both of you are not on board. 

I'm an adoptive parent to a daughter from China. She came home 5.5 years ago at the age of 17 months old. She is going to be 7 in a couple of months. 

I would suggest speaking with first parents, adoptees, and adoptive parents in the mean time. There are plenty of adoption groups on CM.. I have a link to the adoptive moms group in my signature. 

Claire

Moderator: Healthy Weight Loss & Adoptive Moms

" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13

Join theAdoptive Moms group

goddess99
by Michelle on Aug. 18, 2012 at 10:28 PM
1 mom liked this

Well since you're not married to him, he doesn't have to be an issue. There are so many men who don't feel that way. Please don't let some boyfriend dictate how Your life is going to go. There are plenty of fish in the sea!!

Janet
by Ruby Member on Aug. 19, 2012 at 12:23 AM

 I agree!

Quoting goddess99:

Well since you're not married to him, he doesn't have to be an issue. There are so many men who don't feel that way. Please don't let some boyfriend dictate how Your life is going to go. There are plenty of fish in the sea!!

 

adopteeme
by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 3:06 AM
You've said you feel like your biological family is complete. I'm guessing you have children with SO?
Is he open to another child (if it was his)? Maybe he feels his family is complete?
One way or the other- if he's not on board with parenting a child that's not his, you have a decision to make. Dump him to bring an adopted child home and be a single mother to all the kids, or stay with him and have your family completed.
It would be cruel to bring a child into your home that would be rejected by him for not being his.

delanna6two
by Platinum Member on Aug. 19, 2012 at 8:08 AM

Hope everything works out....

mommyjenn29
by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 8:37 AM

Have him sit down with you and look up websites together.Also read the children's storey's together.That is what my husband and I did together.That is also my dream one day too.We have 2 kids that is ours but always wanted to adopt 2 older kids between 5-10 that is just looking for a family that will be there for them.Were waiting probably another 5-? years before we adopt and go through the process....we want our own home first!!.

MsEmma88
by Member on Aug. 19, 2012 at 11:44 AM
Yes I have two children with SO and he feels that he would like a girl. I know I have a decision. I would never force parenthood onto SO biological or not. It's not fair to anyone involved.


Quoting adopteeme:

You've said you feel like your biological family is complete. I'm guessing you have children with SO?

Is he open to another child (if it was his)? Maybe he feels his family is complete?

One way or the other- if he's not on board with parenting a child that's not his, you have a decision to make. Dump him to bring an adopted child home and be a single mother to all the kids, or stay with him and have your family completed.

It would be cruel to bring a child into your home that would be rejected by him for not being his.




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