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Trapped and judged by my husbands family while on vacation

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Hello ladies,

So Im finding myself in a very awkward position. We are currently on holidays and staying with my husbands family which usually isnt  an issue but I am finding myself ganged up on and am not enjoying our "family" holiday. They are becoming more and more judgemental about various things from how I am parenting my DD, to the form of dicipline we are using, to the fact that I am doing extended breast feeding, and most recently the fact that I at some point let my speed get up to 115km an hour before realizing and slowing down. They have raised their kids and chose to do so how they saw fit and thats where the line should be drawn. I feel like its honestly NONE of their business. If they dont like it or rather everything I am doing (my husband can do no wrong) I feel like we just shouldnt visit any more.

They didnt say anything to me but raher to my husband about my "lack of dicipline" my daughter was in their shop and was playing with a display of honey since as a toddler she likes to stack and hoard things to carry in her arms like mommy does. It was fine until they got bored of it but by then she was a amped up and wasnt listening (NORMAL for children!) but then they felt the need to tell my husband that we needed to dicipline her better so she would stop misbehaving. I am honestly blown away to tell you the truth by all of this and my husband just asked them to be her guardians if anything happens to us as we are doing our will.

The thought now makes me cringe since I do not believe in Yelling and screaming at my kids on a daily basis nor do I believe that it is ok to take a wooden spoon or belt to them.Under pressure from his family my husband ended up yelling at our daughter and was handling her rough. I nearly lost it and yelled at him myself and told him he was done parenting if he couldnt control himself since that is NOT how WE parent.

Have any of you been through this/ What advice would you offer? We are supposed to be staying here until Monday but Im ready to pack up and leave tonight.

Have any of you been

by on Aug. 18, 2012 at 6:58 PM
Replies (11-11):
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 9:54 PM

First of all, you would have been better served to have taken your husband aside to talk about his parenting skills.  It is never advisable to criticize him in front of your child or inlaws.  It's not healthy for your marriage or reputation with inlaws.  Also, was the honey in glass?  Hope not.  If so, your choice should have been obvious.

Hopefully, you know the balance between gentle parenting and losing control of your child.  I will assume that you have a fairly well-behaved little one most of the time.  Three year olds are starting to get very independent and are fascinated with the world and interacting with it.  Obviously, your inlaws have forgotten how three year olds can be.  They are putting pressure on your husband and passive-aggressively.  He needs to stand up to them and support you.  However, if his opinions differ from yours, he needs to tell you NOW.  You've both got to be on the same page, as consistency is the name of the game.  Talk to him.  Do apologize for contradicting him in front of everyone, but kindly reiterate your stance on parenting.  Invite him to give his opinions on the subject and listen to him.  Remind him, that while you respect his parents, you don't necessarily share their beliefs in child-rearing.  He wants to please them and you, but has gotten himself in a rock and a hard place.  Unfortunately, he chose wrong--in my opinion.   He likely shares your views and not theirs, but yielded to the pressure of his parents telling him what to do.   He is their 'little boy' after all.

Don't stress too much over this.  We've all been through it with inlaws.  Stay firm and calm.  You can make it through this by taking the high road.  Best wishes.  Love that little one with all your might!

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