I'm 27, and a stay at home mom to 3 kids ages 5, 2, and 8 weeks. I've always had a problem with depression/anxiety...but lately it has been so bad. I've always worked since I was 16 and have been financially independent. In Feb 2010, just 4 months after I gave birth to my middle child, I was laid off. I have since then been doing the stay at home mom thing. My husband works within the federal government, and is usually somewhere in the country or overseas. I feel so alone and under appreciated that it's making my life miserable. I know I am blessed to have 3 healthy children, but I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I feel like I have given up my life and made sacrifices, when my husband can do what he wants without having to "check" if he has someone to watch the kids. I have been looking for jobs online, but realistically there is no way I can go to work with 3 little ones as I don't have anyone to help watch them and we can't afford daycare/school for the kids.
The reason why I am writing this is because I am seeking help or maybe some adivce from someone who knows what I am going though. I try to talk to my mom, and she says things like "Oh we all did it back then...you can do it"...but I feel like it's more than that. I constantly yell, curse, get frustrated with the kids. I hate my life. I hate waking up and it being the same crap everyday. I don't even leave my house. I hate fighting with little kids all day long. They scream, fight, destroy things...even if I enforce disicpline...they just terrorize the house. When my husband comes home from work of course he is tired, or is involved with his school work..(he is completeing his masters degree). By the time we are done with dinner (which is a nightmare with the kids fighting and reusing to eat in peace) and the kids go to bed, he and I are on the couch watching one of our recorded shows and usually he falls asleep within 5 minutes. We go to bed, wake up, repeat same thing from the previous day. There is practically no intimacy whatsoever. I actually cringe thinking about it. I haven't felt "in love" in a long time. I feel like his roommate. There is hardly anything to ever talk about between us. Me and the kids have always taken a backseat to his career and I don't know how to deal with that. I've brought this to his attention, but it doesn't change.
Overall I feel like a waste. I used to have so many friends and a pretty good social life. Now, it's just me and the kids alone for the majority of the day/week. It's amazing who comes around after you have kids. I wish I had an adult to interract with.....
Everything bothers me. The kids irritate me, I feel like I hate my husband. I want to pursue my career so bad but my needs have to take a backseat to my husbands. I am the "wife" which means "slave" to me. There's only so much laundry or dirty diapers or screaming tantrums that you can take before you lose it. I think I have already lost it. I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. Like I said before, I don't even leave the house. It's impossible to go anywhere with 3 little ones when you are by yourself. Especially when the 2 older ones fight or don't want to sit still or run off in public. It's frustrating, so I avoid it.
I hope I don't sound like a whiny brat but I really feel helpless. I'll admit being a stay at home mom in the beginning was nice because I only had my 2 oldest, and it was sort of a "mini-vacation" from work. Now reality set in and the stress has just gone through the roof. I hope someone can reach out to me because I don't know what else to do. I feel like a horrible mother because I know my kids can sense I am mean and impatient and irritable. They deserve a good mom...someone who is gentle and kind. I'm just not that scrapbook making, picture taking, crafty mom. I don't think I was made for this!!
=(
i am in the same boat. my dh is always working and i dont go anywhere. i just started this stay at home mom stuff only 3 months ago and i feel like im going out of my mind. im 23 and have an almost 6 year old and a 3 month old. i understand what you mean about feeling like your in a prison and everytime i bring up getting a job dh makes an excuse as to why it wont work out. ive made a counsling appt and hopeing that works bc im crying all the time and just feel stuck
Wow, time for a deep beath. You have your hands full. Give yourself a break here. First of all, you are still hormonal from having a baby. You might be depressed from that. Then on top of it, you feel out of control. You are dependant on hubby financially and you are constantly on guard! I get it. Have raised 6 kids mostly staying at home. Did work of and on, but had to quit my dream job, cause my teen son was hanging with a bad crowd. He needed me home to set boundries. So ya see, being Mom is for a long time. There WILL be a time, when you think....where did the time go?? Why did I feel so much stress... yes, someone told me the same thing, enjoy these years to go fast. But that isn't what you want to hear, cause it doesn't help and you are thinking, I have forgotten how it feels. No I haven't. It was awful. I would sit and cry while the kids ate, cause they had been fighting so bad. My hubby had stuff to do everynight of the week, after work, school and other obligations. Finally had to sit down and tell him he had to stop and help me get thru this time. You need to find a group of other women to do things with. MOPS? Moms of preschoolers, a bible study, a book club, hire a sitter and go out. Even if just to walk around the park. Take time for you. Maybe feed the kids early and have them watch a fave movie while Mom and Dad have dinner alone. Do this at least a couple nights a week. Maybe when his schooling is done it will be better, but you have to make yourself happy, no one else can do that. Not sure of your life you gave up, but you have a pretty amazing life now, with three lives your are incharge of and shaping. This time will pass, and you will be racing around takeing them to all there games and dance class and such, then you will be worrying while they are out with friends. Slow down and make some time for you, so you will recharge your batteries. Hope you can find that spark it was there before. 
I will be the first to tell you that once you have kids a lot of your friends bail. I know mine did. I get the occasional how are you but really its just my dh and dd these days! Luckly I have a few friends with kids and so does my dh. But it must be hard having 3 kids, noone to talk to, your dh away and your mother not getting it. This group is great on support and I hope you find the support you need! Have you considered looking for play dates in your area or maybe trying to meet other mommies from here that are in your area? What about day care just once a week? Just so you have some time to yourself. I hope you can figure something out. Hang in there! *hugs*
I'm sorry you're going through this. I went through those emotions when I only had one child to take care of. It seemed like he went through his terrible twos wayyyy before he even turned two and it lasted until...well, until he turned 18 and moved out. I was a stay at home mom and was diagnosed with depression and put on meds but I think I was just unhappy with how a lot of things were. I'm glad that you're able to talk about it and ask for help. People would blow me off when I tried to talk about how I was feeling and it was really difficult. I'll be praying for you and I hope that everything works out. Don't be so hard on yourself. I believe your family is appreciative of what you do for them every day even though the kids may not be old enough to express it and your husband because he knows that you made a huge sacrifice for him.
I'm sorry. Seek out a playgroup to meet other moms in your position. And don't be afraid to get help for the depression and anxiety.
I am a sahm and have always had problems as well. After DS I went nuts a year pasted and it just got worse to the point the D word was getting thrown around. I sot out for help an got it. Im PTSD and have what they say is untreatable depression. Im on meds now an its been a year. I havent felt happier and more at ease. I got my tubes tied because of my situation but I thank God everyday he gave me a DD an a DS.
Get some help. Go to your doctor an tell him how you have been feeling and he/she will send you in the right direction. I hope things get better for you. 
I understand what you are saying about taking the kids out, but getting out will help both you and them. They feel like this is the same deadend crap all day every day week in and week out just like you do.
Try to get outside everyday, even if you just stand outside the open door and drink a glass of water (sit down out there somehow and have a cup of coffee when you can).
Taking the kids outside will help them. Tell them straight up: This is the way its going to be or we're going back in (or home). Even if you dont get past the driveway, at least everybody got more fresh air than usual. Later, talk to them positively about having gone outside, then say something neutrally about them behaving "so we can stay out there longer tomorrow.
Wheel of consequences
- Teal11
on Aug. 26, 2012 at 6:09 PM