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Step son is disrespecting me ....help :(

Posted by on Sep. 2, 2012 at 2:52 PM
  • 10 Replies

I have gone out of my way to give above n treat him with rules n chores such more leanant then my own like allowing to go to movies with girlfriend n her come over wen i refuse for my daughter because i am strict that way n do not agree with that and if i were to tell him no  he only acts out worse if i dont let him n my husband lets him n says he is in the middle. Example school nights wen i was preg with our daughter now 10 mths i said no cell phones til homework is finished his phone wrang he looks at me n says oh look my phone is ringing and im answering it n did... i told his father n he did nothing exceptsay wht he do now...i feel anymore if our daughter wasnt in pic id hi tale out of here im so misreable! He laughs at my face all the time n talks back.

by on Sep. 2, 2012 at 2:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bellawomen
by Member on Sep. 2, 2012 at 2:54 PM
1 mom liked this
Well your husband needs to grow some balls. The step sons walks all over you because your husband does. You need to be respected by your husband or you will never get it from your step son.
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dbush0584
by Member on Sep. 2, 2012 at 2:56 PM
Take the phone. Put your foot down about the girlfriend. Tell dh that in YALLS house he WILL respect YALLS rules...period. You don't agree with the gf being there...don't let her. Tell dh to step up. The reason he lets him get away with murder is because he feels guilty that ss is in the middle of the bs with bm...........ok.....sorry. Get over it. Its not ok for him to disrespect you. Its not ok for dh to allow the disrespect.
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Starbucks101
by on Sep. 2, 2012 at 3:04 PM

I kno its same thing all the time it looks like its not going to change I told him to go to room last nite for laughing in my face n my husband  says I hate his son...which isnt the case if he would just respect me...i hate to go thru another divorce n have our daughter go thru a broken family but im running out of answers... I repremand and he wines to my husband how he didnt do whatever n its me who is just reacting n my husband comes after me not as a team disaplinning together but on the opposing. Most recent i said you cant keep your room clean we dont need a dog he passes me in hall or just in passing says lets c I WILL get my dog.I just ignored him

loveonlyher
by on Sep. 2, 2012 at 7:19 PM
hey, I hv 2 stepkids. I go through the same situations I feel like shit n the end. For example my kids are ten n eight they dont have chores they talk back wen I say sumthin to my girlfriend its as if she culd care less. Nw the problems are gettin bigga my son hasnt started stealin and my daughter is grown as heck. N I honestly feel like her goals is 2 b her kids friends n not dey parent. I feel helpless
orngblsm
by on Sep. 3, 2012 at 3:47 PM

He is your STEP-son, not your son.  You don't have the right to say no phone until the homework is done.  That is for his father to do.  What have you done for him besides giving him rules and chores.  Oh, you ALLOW his girlfriend to come over and go on dates.  Try being a little more understanding from the kid's point of view.  He most likely still has issues with his parent's divorce and is watching you trying to take his momma's place.  Change your approach and you might get some results.  DAD should be the one to enforce basic house rules like respect for all. He should also be the one to set the boundaries regarding chores, homework, etc. for his son. It sounds like his dad feels guilty and is trying to make it up to his son by letting him do whatever he wants.  Your husband is right, he is in the middle and you are the one who has put him there.  It doesn't have to be a battle.  Obviously, the two of you have different parenting styles and didn't discuss this before you got married and had your own baby.  Family counseling would probably help everyone.  However, if you go, don't go with the idea that just your husband and stepson need to change.  The idea is that everyone works on their own problems and the situation gets better.  Give it a try and good luck.

 

maribou
by Member on Sep. 4, 2012 at 10:21 AM

Sounds like your family needs family counseling.  Your husband, you, all kids involved AND the mom.

Watch a few episodes of Dr.Phil and you will see your family there.  You need a outsider to tell everyone what is going on and how to fix it.

We don't have step kids in our house, but there are times my older kids (especially boys) start to disrespect me.  My dh had gotten to a point where he didn't say anything except "I thought you were handling it".  I told him he was the father in the house - the leader - and he needed to lead.  If he didn't care for the boys talking to me like that, then we had a problem.  Since then, I just have to mention to dh that the boys are getting out of line and he reprimands them and they apologize.  It is so much better than me appearing to be a 'whiney-butt'.

Good Luck

pixiemom4
by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 11:26 AM

Sorry I disagree..... I was the daughter of step parents... YES you have the right to set rules for the home !!!! I would try and get your dh on board or talk to him about what rules you can agree on. The counseling is a GREAT idea, if dh or dss wont go, you should go without them so you have some support.. Im a step daughter and a step mom so I know what both of you are going through... Good luck :)

Quoting orngblsm:

He is your STEP-son, not your son.  You don't have the right to say no phone until the homework is done.  That is for his father to do.  What have you done for him besides giving him rules and chores.  Oh, you ALLOW his girlfriend to come over and go on dates.  Try being a little more understanding from the kid's point of view.  He most likely still has issues with his parent's divorce and is watching you trying to take his momma's place.  Change your approach and you might get some results.  DAD should be the one to enforce basic house rules like respect for all. He should also be the one to set the boundaries regarding chores, homework, etc. for his son. It sounds like his dad feels guilty and is trying to make it up to his son by letting him do whatever he wants.  Your husband is right, he is in the middle and you are the one who has put him there.  It doesn't have to be a battle.  Obviously, the two of you have different parenting styles and didn't discuss this before you got married and had your own baby.  Family counseling would probably help everyone.  However, if you go, don't go with the idea that just your husband and stepson need to change.  The idea is that everyone works on their own problems and the situation gets better.  Give it a try and good luck.



DazeDelights
by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 2:55 PM
Since he lives in y'alls house you have every right to set rules and punish his ass if he doesn't listen...I hate to say this of dh feels like you hate his son you two probably won't last and as hard as it may be to face he doesn't have your back so you are in this alone.you have the RIGHT to demand respect especially if you ate being lenient with him as is. Stop giving him separate rules if your child would have to follow them why not him?
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JeremiahMyKing
by on Sep. 5, 2012 at 8:40 AM
I agree as his step mom she does have that right! Children need boundaries & honestly should respect a adult regardless of who it is! I respect the fact that shes strong enough to help raise a child she didn't birth not every female is that strong & personally I applaud you! I wish you the best of luck resolving your problems


Quoting pixiemom4:

Sorry I disagree..... I was the daughter of step parents... YES you have the right to set rules for the home !!!! I would try and get your dh on board or talk to him about what rules you can agree on. The counseling is a GREAT idea, if dh or dss wont go, you should go without them so you have some support.. Im a step daughter and a step mom so I know what both of you are going through... Good luck :)

Quoting orngblsm:

He is your STEP-son, not your son.  You don't have the right to say no phone until the homework is done.  That is for his father to do.  What have you done for him besides giving him rules and chores.  Oh, you ALLOW his girlfriend to come over and go on dates.  Try being a little more understanding from the kid's point of view.  He most likely still has issues with his parent's divorce and is watching you trying to take his momma's place.  Change your approach and you might get some results.  DAD should be the one to enforce basic house rules like respect for all. He should also be the one to set the boundaries regarding chores, homework, etc. for his son. It sounds like his dad feels guilty and is trying to make it up to his son by letting him do whatever he wants.  Your husband is right, he is in the middle and you are the one who has put him there.  It doesn't have to be a battle.  Obviously, the two of you have different parenting styles and didn't discuss this before you got married and had your own baby.  Family counseling would probably help everyone.  However, if you go, don't go with the idea that just your husband and stepson need to change.  The idea is that everyone works on their own problems and the situation gets better.  Give it a try and good luck.





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delanna6two
by Platinum Member on Sep. 5, 2012 at 2:53 PM

I get the smart mouth from my own sometimes...I would say make it even all the way round...with rules and such...

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