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Need Advice On Removing Drama From My Life

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Ok, it's kind of a long story... I'll try to be succinct. Important background is that I suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder, and because of that I have a very difficult time making friends. My husband, OTOH, is charming, outgoing, makes friends everywhere he goes. He has been helping me overcome my anxiety, and I've been making a lot of progress.

Late last year, we started hanging out with one of my husband's oldest friends (V), and his wife (L). You should also know that, among our friends, it's considered totally normal to flirt and be silly, but boundaries are respected. Well, V and I were flirting, and enjoying each other's company. We started talking online, and one week when he was off of work and my kids were away at camp, we ended up talking for several hours a day. That made my husband really uncomfortable, and he asked us both to stop. I agreed, because obviously my husband's comfort is the most important thing to me. V also agreed, but then he kept pushing the issue. Asking my husband repeatedly when he was going to "get over it," calling me after he said he wouldn't, that kind of thing. At the time, I thought it was a misunderstanding, but I've come to understand that it was intentional.

Well, it became a whole thing. V kept pushing, my husband kept freaking out more. (Oh, you should probably also know that my husband's first wife left him for his then best friend. V knows this.) It got to where my husband didn't want me to be around V unless he was there. So when his wife, L, asked me to come over to hang out with her at her house, my husband was worried. V promised he would go hang out downstairs so we could have girl time -- and then he spent the whole time with us. On and on. Finally we decided we just needed to be away from both of them, completely, for a while. Well, right about this time, L freaked out. She started accusing my husband of being controlling and treating me badly, and accused us (my husband and me) of not communicating with each other and having a bad marriage. She started texting my husband saying awful things to him. Come to find out that she has a history of suddenly deciding that people have "filled her BS meter," and then she suddenly won't have anything to do with them anymore.

So, I talked to her and tried to work it out, and she and I decided we needed a break, but that we were all going to collectively move past this and be friends. The only change was going to be that V and I wouldn't be alone together. L said she was really glad that I came to her, because she really wanted to be my friend, and that normally she would have just stopped talking to us.

Well, last night, my husband was out and ran into the two of them. I don't know how the discussion started, but L told my husband *again* that he had "filled her BS meter," and she was "done" with him. That she didn't even want to hear his side of anything. She also said that it was unreasonable to expect someone to honor their word, that people shouldn't have to do things just because they said they would.

So, basically, the two of them are crazy. On the one hand, I almost feel like I should ask her if she said that, and give her a chance to explain, because she kept complaining about how we don't "communicate," even though that was totally unfounded. On the other hand, I know she'll just deny it, and I really don't care. She said she wanted to be my friend, but then she insulted my husband AGAIN. I know I'm done with this friendship; I just don't know if I ought to tell her, or just unceremoniously drop her from my life.
by on Sep. 19, 2012 at 1:17 PM
Replies (11-18):
by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 12:22 PM

Quoting happinessforyou:

If you are thinking of engaging her in conversation about this; don't. You will just keep the drama flowing. If you truely want a "drama-free" life, just cut them from your life. It's really quite simpe; delete their phone numbers, and FB and email and whatever else you all had contact through. Don't be snarky, just be done. :)

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by Member on Sep. 20, 2012 at 2:19 PM

 I agree!

Quoting orngblsm:

Both V and L are toxic and should be avoided at all costs. Believe me, if you and your husband keep the "friendship," your marriage won't make it.  L is giving you the out you are looking for.  Take it.  If her "BS meter" is full and she wants to discontinue the friendship, do it.  You will both feel better.  I wouldn't even bother calling her.  If either one of them called, I would tell them not to call or come over again, and hang up.  You might want friends, but you don't need friends like that in your life.


by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 2:43 PM

Just drop it and walk away.

by Jennifer on Sep. 20, 2012 at 3:45 PM

Just drop them and walk away. If you say something to her, the drama won't go away.

by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 4:31 PM

REMOVING is the key word. So eliminate things or people that are causing you strife.

by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 5:16 PM
That's crazy you think flirting with your husbands friends is ok on any level smh poor guy
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by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 9:58 AM

You can reply but use the KISS method when you do. Keep it simple stupid (not calling you stupid--it's just a phrase). "I don't want you in my life." No openened arguements or anything. Delete the contact and move on.

Personally, I just would let them go and be crazy on their own. It sounds as if they are in their own world.

Good luck.

by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 10:10 PM

stop alling them, and dont take their phone calls its actually very simple

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