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Has anyone been through this i really need help.. My fiance left me after 3 years (from past problems) we have a 16mn old together. He left me because he fell out of love with..never saw it coming iam beyond heart broken.. Oh an also hes talking to a girl now waay different then me. He still lives with me but always gone. Hes nice to me an lets me cry to him. But im so lost he seriously was my perfect match i feel theres no other guy better he was just amazing. Idk what to do i was a stay at home mom i have no car,money,job or schooling =/ idk how to move on ive been soo depressed i love him sooo much =(
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by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 12:49 PM
Replies (11-20):
orngblsm
by Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 4:50 PM

Don't worry about finding someone like that.  Eventually, as you get over the heartbreak, that will change.  Contrary to popular belief, there is no one and only Mr. Right.  That is a fable that sells romance novels, and good sexual chemistry doesn't equal love.  If he found someone else and is still living with you which is making your life miserable, he is NOT a winner.  You DESERVE better, and you can do better.  Your self-esteem is in the dumps, making it difficult for you to see that. 

Right now you need to focus on you and your baby.  That little one is depending on YOU!  Get it together, you don't have time for this.  Get a game plan.  If you are not going to do it for you, do it for your baby.  Your LO deserves better as well.  Kick the two-timing louse out, go on PA for a little bit until you can get on your feet.  Get a job or go to trade school.  College is great, but many trade schools are reporting an almost 100% placement rate after graduation.  Plus you won't be in school/training as long and you won't have to take out as much in student loans.  File for court-ordered child support.  The more independent you are, the better you will feel about yourself. 

Quoting kkjk12:

Thanks so much its so nice hearing your guys`advice.. That really helped me. My thing is is that hes so nice an tough at the same time an ya know sex was amazing an he we had weird lil things in common that ive seen noone else have.. will i ever find someone like that?.. Like i feel hes the one so how or will that change?


goddess99
by Michelle on Sep. 22, 2012 at 5:05 PM

Whoever legally owns the house or apartment should stay and the other should really leave. Get on welfare and file for child support. Look for work. He likely won't change and fall in love with you again so just end it and move on. Things will get better.

Lizaround
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 6:34 PM
I can relate in a way. My boyfriend of four years is going to prison. We had been tryin to get pregnant before any of this happened and were unsuccessful. Until the day he got locked up I didn't know I was pregnant, not I am nine weeks, unemployed no transportation no health care and unbelievably depressed that my boyfriend did what he did and put us in this situation. What really sucks is he says he wants to be there for me and our baby but we both know that is not going to happen. No time soon any ways.
But I say to u is present yourself to him as happy, you don't just fall out of love it's still there. Maybe he's just confused and can't explain to you why yet. Chances are if you paint a picture people will stop to look, if not your ex someone you thought you could never love will find you.
blondie805
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 7:31 AM

In my honest opinion, I think that you are more afraid than heart broken. You sound very smart. You know that the heart break will heal. It's just that you don't have the means to take care of yourself and that's why that idiot still lives with you.

Now, this is the logic side of me. There's child support to be had and depending on the state you are living in, you might be able to get some spousal support even though you weren't legally married. You being a homemaker because he worked, does show the judge that if he hadn't been in the picture, then, you probably wouldn't be in this mess. Not that I am calling your child a mess. Don't feel as though you are lost. Try to feel as though you are starting over. You have a new life ahead of you. This may mean that you have to get creative. I often find that in situations where I am completely without any help, then, I have to get creative.

About 10 years ago, we had a huge ice storm in our town leaving me without power for 10 days. I had 3 kids, 2 cats, 3 dogs, 2 turtles, 4 lovebirds and my dh. My dh and I both had to work and so I left my kids at their GodMother's house during the day. Both of us worked at Wal-Mart as supervisors and we HAD to work. I got creative. I had no money for a kerosene heater but, I had blankets and a friend who loaned me her heater. I kept one room in the house warm and we all slept in it. The animals were safe as long as we were home. When we left, I kept those hot hands things you wear outside around all of the cages and hoped, that the cats and dogs would be able to stay warm in the room that I kept warm for all of us. Then, I cooked outside and heated water for my dh and I to keep clean in. It took some hard work and creativity, but, we managed to get through. BTW, if you haven't guessed, my dh did nothing but went to work. I was left with the responsibility of figuring it out on my own.

The point is, in desperate times, you will find that you are the most creative. You are a mom. All moms get this way-seemingly lost and desperate. But, in the end, we are all survivors.

If you have parents that will help, call them. If they can't, turn to everyone you know. If there is a fast food place you can get a job at or a convenient store or any thing, go for it. Go for it now before the idiot leaves. He can help pay for daycare or a sitter. He owes you that much. Let him continue paying for all the bills and save every dime you can for a car. He owes you enough to help you get to where you can stand on your own. Don't let him off the hook in that department. Call any charity org. you can. They will often times help a single mom like you.

The important part is don't panic. You have friends here and prayers and hugs and every bit of the knowledge from their experiences in life. You are a mom and you are smart. And you are loved. Let the love from others replace the love from that idiot.

Blessings, prayers and hugs!

Janet
by Ruby Member on Sep. 23, 2012 at 2:37 PM

 Ditto!!

Quoting pattypiazza:

Love ebbs and flows in a relationship...especially when there are children and the focus changes from the two of you to the three of you.  Your fiance is too immature to realize that love and commitment means hanging in there for the long run.  To him, love equals the passionate attraction that you typically feel at the beginning stages of a relationship.  He doesn't understand the kind of love that deepens and grows into something even more beautiful.  Many people chase the instant gratification and sometimes never learn to invest in a relationship and family.  You deserve to take care of yourself and your child and one day meet the man who gets this....they are out there!

Four years ago I was head over heels with a man like your fiance.  I'm here to tell you that there is a much happier life waiting for you honey.  It is impossible for you to see now, but trust me, you will get there.  For now, concentrate on the person in  your life who loves you with every ounce of his/her being....your child.  

Although it's difficult, being a single mom with no education is entirely do-able.  Have you ever worked in restaurant?  Waiting tables can provide a decent way to get by.  Also, there are grants and help for single moms to go to school.  Talk to your local social services organization.  And get advice from every single mom you have the opportunity to meet.  There is no shame in accepting help from social services while you get an education and learn to provide for your child and yourself.

Most importantly, don't let this heartbreak define you.  Get up early, put on a smile, concentrate on excercise and self improvement (this makes you FEEL awesome and empowered!), and get on with it.  You are strong and can do absolutely anything you put your mind to.  There is a huge group of women just like you. Get in touch with sense of humor and let yourself see that there IS no disaster as long as no one died!  You and your child are well and life will go on.  Better than before and leaving your fiance to wallow in the disappointment he created for himself.  He just lost a great woman!

 

Venae
by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 12:03 AM

WTF is wrong w/you?  Get him out of your house.

Venae
by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 12:10 AM


Quoting Lizaround:

I can relate in a way. My boyfriend of four years is going to prison. We had been tryin to get pregnant before any of this happened and were unsuccessful. Until the day he got locked up I didn't know I was pregnant, not I am nine weeks, unemployed no transportation no health care and unbelievably depressed that my boyfriend did what he did and put us in this situation. What really sucks is he says he wants to be there for me and our baby but we both know that is not going to happen. No time soon any ways.
But I say to u is present yourself to him as happy, you don't just fall out of love it's still there. Maybe he's just confused and can't explain to you why yet. Chances are if you paint a picture people will stop to look, if not your ex someone you thought you could never love will find you.

Why would someone who is unemployed, has no transportation and no health care (which is technically incorrect - we all have health CARE; we just might not have health INSURANCE) - be TRYING for a baby?!  His going to prison is the least of your problems.

Seriously - what is wrong w/women who think making babies w/men while you have no money or insurance is a smart thing to do?  Living in poverty is not a plan!  Listen, live like you want - but stop forcing your lifestyle onto innocent children who didn't ask to be a part of this!  

Basherte
by Bronze Member on Sep. 24, 2012 at 7:13 AM

I agree with you 100%.

Good luck.

Quoting Kageegirl:

You cannot make someone love you. You can only control how you feel. Trying to make him love you or being depressed over it isn't going to make the situation any better. Your never going to get over him if he's living with you. I also don't think it's fair for him to be dating someone else while still living with you. I think your best bet is to ask him to leave and find another place to stay. Set up a visiation schedule for him to see his child. Since you don't have a job, college degree or car I think you should apply for PA to help for a little while until you get on your feet. Try finding a job part time you can either walk to or take public transportation to. See about daycare assistance or ask a friend or family if they can watch your child. You need to do something. Feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to make any of this any better. Good luck.


Lizaround
by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 6:54 PM

let me start with this, I did not sign up on cafe mom to be malisiously attacked verbaly by heartless judgemental unfit women like yourself. Second off, you dont know the first thing about my life and you are quick to jump at "what about the children". I was a full time student, studing the art of medicine. I may not have a luxury life like some, but I am able to provide a life for a child fit as you see. So with that said go hug your kids cuz that was disgusting to come out of your mouth.

emmasmommy12
by on Sep. 27, 2012 at 8:49 AM

First...get that boy out of the house! He owes you child support, and keeping him in the house is like having him have his cake and eat it too. He either wants to be with you and the baby, and gets the perks that go with it, or he doesn't want to be with you and the baby, and he loses those perks. If you are worried about taking care of the baby on your own, think about others who can support you during this time. Friends, family????? Also, it is amazing how working on your education will boost your self esteem. You are a prime candidate for grants and scholarships from your local community college. You will feel better just knowing you are acting on the things that bother you. My mother went through a similar situation, and it was very hard on her. I'm sorry you are going through this. I know it must be hell. Stay strong! You are going to make it!

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