Marriage/baby dilemma

[navywife011]

so Ive been married for 2 yrs. I have 2 children (4 & 2 yr old). About 2 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant again. I was on birth control to prevent this but obviously it didn't work. Well now my husband wants me to get an abortion cuz he doesn't want another one. Problem is I have never believed in it. Well I went in the hospital due to having cramps and all he could think about while being there was for the docs to give me a "pill" to start a miscarriage. I live my husband and have always supported him in anything and everything he has wanted to do. But now I don't think he is going to be there for me. I keep thinking he will leave me If I keep the baby. But then I think if I don't he will leave me cuz he won't be able to give the support I might need. I don't know what to do. Any advice?
Everytime I talk to him he gets mad at me and says get an abortion.
Please no bashing. I'm only looking for advice and what you did (if this happened to you)

[LovingLifexoxo]

What a tough situation to be in. If that happened to me I would definitely not get an abortion. I would have the baby and tell my husband that if he didn't want another one, he should get a vasectomy.

Your DH should have had that done if he really didn't want anymore IMO. It is not fair to ask you to abort your child if you don't want to. Good luck. I really want to know what you decide to do. :)

[navywife011]

Well he went to the appt for a Vasectomy but he only told me about the appt we never really discussed it. So after his appt I told him I wanted to talk about it, which he was fine about but everytime we tried to talk about it he just got mad at me so it never went anywhere.

Everyday he tells me to get an abortion it's a different excuse each time.
He doesn't want to change diapers again
He doesn't want to hear a crying baby
If I have another, it's going to "mess up my body
My kids are just getting to school age and then I can do what I want.
We would have to buy baby stuff all over again
Buy diapers again

Hubby is military and never home so half his excuses are pointless because all the responsibility will fall on me, like it already does.

[hippymomma88]

Abortion is NOT your only option! And it is just as much your decision as it is his. Don't let him pressure you into anything! 

[CjEmmemommy]

Honestly as hard as it is to say, I don't think I could stay married to my husband if he was that kind of person.
It would change everything I think of him, if he honestly expected me to kill OUR child that WE made... Accident or not he knew it could happen just as I did and he also knows how I feel (and has always agreed) on abortion.
It would ruin my view of him on a deep level and without being able to fully discuss it, I don't think we would make it,
Good luck

[hippymomma88]

i feel the exact same way. 

Quoting CjEmmemommy:

Honestly as hard as it is to say, I don't think I could stay married to my husband if he was hat kind of person.
It would change everything I think of him, if he honestly expected me to kill OUR child at WE made... Accident or not he knew it could happen just as I did and he also knows how I feel (and has always agreed) on abortion.
It would ruin my view of him on a deep level and without being able to fully discuss it, I don't think we would make it,
Good luck

[Bethy16]

Ok I was in a simmilar situation last year. My husband also didnt want me to have the baby. I know him well but there was no way I was going to abort the miracle growing inside of me. I will always resent him for the way he made me feel. We had lost a baby because she was stillborn and we had a premie after her. He knows how precious our children are to me. I did kick him out and he did come back with his tail between his legs. I was done with our marriage but HE worked very hard on putting it back together. Guilt is a very powerful thing and he totally lost it when our daughter was born 5 months ago. He just held her and cried and apologized to her. I will not add salt to his wounds because he knows how close he was to loosing all of us. He did get a vasectomy as I was not going through another procedure to get my tubes tied. Yes it all worked out for us but you need to stand your ground. If you are going to keep this baby,tell him and thats it. Either he will accept it or he wont. You need to prepare yourself for whatever he decides he wants and move on from there. Good luck!

[3_girls_86]

I would choose my baby over my husband. I don't believe in abortion at all tho. And myhusband would come around after a while and choose to keep the baby. I'm sorry you're going thru this. ((hugs))

[Srinehart10]

I would get a divorce. No husband should be pushing for an abortion. You can give the baby up for adoption even. But I could never do either abortion or adoption. I have two kids (dd is 2 ds is 8 weeks) and my parents wanted me to get an abortion because they didn't want me to have a kid. But obviously it wasn't their choice. My husband and I wasn't married at that time either and they thought he would not stay with me. But we are about to celebrate our 2 year anniversary in December

[mom2gr8tgirls]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I would make a decision and stick to your guns. Kick him out. Tell him you aren't aborting and if he wants to leave, he's more than welcome to. He might come back, he might not. I have a feeling, he'll change his mind once the baby comes. It's hard to want something you can't see, it's not so easy once it's starting you in the face. Good luck.

[hcplaskus]

:( I had an abortion two years ago, when I was with my ex...but now I am with DH, have an amazing baby, and even if we were done having babies, I could never ever ever abort a baby that he and I made. It would kill me or haunt me forever. If I thought he might leave, I would still probably choose to keep the baby.