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Date a man that has no interest in his child, and doesn't want to pay child support?

My ex is dating a new girl.
She knows of his physical abuse, and he's 28, works 15 hours at a pizza place and is failing out of school..

I understand why they are dating. She doesn't have custody of her son, and is out on bond waiting for trial.

I just don't understand females, and why they allow themselves to be used like he is using her. She's been with all his friends, and has now settled on my ex. Gross. Sorry. I'm done lol
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 9:29 PM
Replies (51-60):
mickstinator
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:12 AM

I think it's a huge red flag as well. 

My sister is dating a guy who has no contact with his first son. At first, I found that kind of suspicious. Then, I found out that not only does he pay (a lot) in child support every month, he really wants to be a part of his son's life, but his ex lied to the courts about him a few years ago and every time he tried to get custody, he was denied. Now he's given up because it's so difficult emotionally for him. It's a really sore spot for him. I think I can make an exception in that scenario, especially since he's a great dad to his other son. 

carebear1120
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:13 AM
1 mom liked this

With all due respect.. may I ask what made you at one point attracted to him. You pointed out that he is physically abusive and only works part time & is failing out of school. Iam sure he had some of these traits while dating you as well. It seems a contradiction in terms if you seem upset & dont understand why a new girl is dating him if @ one time you your self dated him & had his child.. 

I understand that some men fail in all terms of being responsible as husbands, mates & fathers. But we as Women put our selves down & make our selves look bad when we whine & complain that these men are moving on & we cant understand how a woman would be interested.. yet we were just in his arms a small while back. Just seems confusing to me..

I think we need to search inside of our selves & learn our own self worth so we dont "fall" for this type of personality & end up in this type of relationship. If we value ourselves than we wont be attracted to this type of man. 

Just my opinion. I wish the best for you & your child. 

NeverABreak
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:14 AM

Maybe when I was younger and didn't know any better, but today that would be a major turn off. Thankfully, I have a REAL man.

mama2gg
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:19 AM

 Sounds like she is using him as much as he may be using her

ManicAttack
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:26 AM

There are just as many men that date women that:

A) think the father(s) of their children should SOLELY support their kids.

B) do not work and rely solely on child support to support not only the kids, but themselves.

C) do not have custody of their children and do not pay child support, and do not take visitation with their children.

It goes both ways.  Most of the time, parents like this are liars and will often blame the custodial parent for them not seeing their children or paying for them.  They'll rarely take blame for why they aren't responsible parents.

ManicAttack
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:29 AM

Agree.

I've dated two men with children from former relationships.  Had they not been responsible and taken care of their portion of raising their children, I would not have dated them- and I did not even have kids of my own at the time.

I would also never date a guy that didn't have his act together SOMEWHAT.  I realize times are tough, so I would understand if they had roommates, lived with their parents, etc, but as far as FAILING school and working fifteen hours a week?  Um, no thanks.  

Quoting carebear1120:

With all due respect.. may I ask what made you at one point attracted to him. You pointed out that he is physically abusive and only works part time & is failing out of school. Iam sure he had some of these traits while dating you as well. It seems a contradiction in terms if you seem upset & dont understand why a new girl is dating him if @ one time you your self dated him & had his child.. 

I understand that some men fail in all terms of being responsible as husbands, mates & fathers. But we as Women put our selves down & make our selves look bad when we whine & complain that these men are moving on & we cant understand how a woman would be interested.. yet we were just in his arms a small while back. Just seems confusing to me..

I think we need to search inside of our selves & learn our own self worth so we dont "fall" for this type of personality & end up in this type of relationship. If we value ourselves than we wont be attracted to this type of man. 

Just my opinion. I wish the best for you & your child. 


hnjen12
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:29 AM

No I would not.

FindersKeepers
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:36 AM

The answer to your question is NO I would never date a guy that had no relationship with his kids.   I have dated 2 guys with kids (one I married) and observation of that parent-child relationship was key.     I was an abandoned child and I think anyone that abandons their kid is scum of the earth...

That said, I think you need to move on and not worry about what your ex is doing.  Especially if he doesn't have any interaction with your child.   If he did see your child you would have more right to be interested in the kind of person that you child would be around when with bio dad..... but seeing's how that is not the case, dwelling on this makes it seem like you are bitter or stuck on him.   (I am sure you are not since this is CM, but I recommend you avoid complaining about who your Ex is dating, or that he is dating bc he is loser, in your real life.   You are better than that.) 

Quoting recovered55:

I know, I'm waiting for karma to take care of it lol


Quoting jltplk25:

Hell no


recovered55
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:36 AM
I answered that a few pages back :)


Quoting carebear1120:

With all due respect.. may I ask what made you at one point attracted to him. You pointed out that he is physically abusive and only works part time & is failing out of school. Iam sure he had some of these traits while dating you as well. It seems a contradiction in terms if you seem upset & dont understand why a new girl is dating him if @ one time you your self dated him & had his child.. 

I understand that some men fail in all terms of being responsible as husbands, mates & fathers. But we as Women put our selves down & make our selves look bad when we whine & complain that these men are moving on & we cant understand how a woman would be interested.. yet we were just in his arms a small while back. Just seems confusing to me..

I think we need to search inside of our selves & learn our own self worth so we dont "fall" for this type of personality & end up in this type of relationship. If we value ourselves than we wont be attracted to this type of man. 

Just my opinion. I wish the best for you & your child. 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ESER
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:37 AM

 There are women who are used to this type of behavior because that is how they grew up.

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