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Hi. My name is Sandi. I have a four year old son, Nick. Was just exploring and found this site. Was looking for suggestions on how to deal with some of the behaviors my boy is exhibiting. I am a teacher so I have a pretty good background, but this is beyond my knowledge level. Nick is being defiant and just downright mean at times. He is talking back like a teenager already. He's taking temper tatrums and screaming at the top of his little lungs. I have tried everything I can think of from time outs to sticker reward charts. They may work for a short time (and yes, I am consistant with them) but then the behavior starts again. Any suggestions?

by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 10:37 AM
Replies (11-14):
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 8:15 AM

Welcome!  The problem is that rewards and punishments are just different ends of the same stick that doesn't work and actually causes problems in the long run.  Your child needs empathy, validation, understanding, direction, leadership, guideance and fun!  Children learn through play.  Get down on his level and play with him while you teach him the right way.  Make it a game to encourage him to do the right things.  Understand what he is capable of based on his brain development for his age.  Reframe your expectations.

by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:43 AM

Thanks Texan! You have some great suggestions. I have done the choices thing and it works very well most of the time. It seems that if I'm not giving him a choice, that's when he gets the most upset. Like the pizza incident... it was something I considered non-negotiable, so he acted up. I realize now, though, that I didn't really give him the expectations before we left. I should have spent a little more time before hand trying to prevent the tantrum. I will keep that in mind for the next time.

by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 6:23 PM
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Platinum Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 7:32 AM

Welcome Sandi!!!

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