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My dd is 16 months old and driving me crazy! I know she gets what no means but she does not care! I have tried everything and now find myself yelling a lot which does not help! She just ignores me! When I try to move her out of the situation she hits or bites and time outs mean nothing to her. I feel like I am at the end of my rope! I need advice ladies! I do not want to be that parent thats screaming all the time! : (

by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 2:10 PM
Replies (11-20):
black_sun99
by Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:15 AM
1 mom liked this

I love this advice.  Pack N Plays worked wonders.  I also blocked off the kitchen bathroom and all bedrooms except the kids.  

To OP I didn't have trouble with biting or hitting.  Also if you yell then that is going to be the only thing she responds to.  Sometimes you just have to step back and take a breath.  Invest in that Pack N Play and just put her in it and take a break.  Good Luck Momma!!!

Quoting CLG122:

I disagree with the other moms.  Spanking is NOT appropriate for a 16 month old.  Especially if she's been hitting.  Spanking will just reinforce that we hit when we don't like what someone's doing-- seriously.

I would do this: set up a Pack N Play with NO TOYS in it.  Put it in a separate room from where you usually are, or an out-of-the-way spot where she won't be able to make eye contact with you.  EVERY SINGLE TIME she bites/hits/etc, you say "NO biting" and put her in that Pack N Play for 90 seconds.  Set a timer.  Do not talk to her or look at her during time out.  When time's up, you pick her up and say "no biting, okay?  Be a nice girl!" Smile and give her a hug.  She has to know that you will not tolerate the behavior, but that you forgive and still love her.

16 month olds are tricky!

You have to be consistent.  But you should definitely not use time-out or any other kind of punishment when she's just getting into things that you don't want her touching.  The answer for that is baby-proofing.  If you don't want her touching the DVD player, get a TV unit with doors and put a zip tie or cabinet lock on it.  (Ours has glass doors so we can use the remotes while the doors are locked.)  If she's getting into trouble in the kitchen, gate the whole room off.  At 16 months, she really is just exploring.  Even if it's making you crazy :) 



MamaPrime
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:37 AM
4 moms liked this

Yes, she understands what "NO" means...that doesn mean that she understands why. Distract her. Say "No" then give her something else to do. Her biting, hitting and lashing out at you is her response to your yelling. She sees that this is how things progress and is mimicking your actions and energy. Give her a safe environment where there are no (or few) "NO"s where she can go and have all of the "yes" time she wants. Not a time out, simply a safe, engaging environment for her to explore. Try getting a huge toy bin and cycle through toys. When she loses intrest in something it goes in the bin and something old and familiar comes out. 

JasonsMom2007
by Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:01 PM
1 mom liked this

Yep I totally agree.  When my kids were making me crazy at that age I would ask myself which thing was bothering me the most and fix that.  Then move on to the next thing.  Her holding onto my legs screaming while I was trying to cook was the worst so I put a gate up to keep her out of the kitchen.  Nothing was wrong, she just wanted to be held.  

Quoting Melissa823:

THIS IS GREAT ADVICE!!

Quoting CLG122:

I disagree with the other moms.  Spanking is NOT appropriate for a 16 month old.  Especially if she's been hitting.  Spanking will just reinforce that we hit when we don't like what someone's doing-- seriously.

I would do this: set up a Pack N Play with NO TOYS in it.  Put it in a separate room from where you usually are, or an out-of-the-way spot where she won't be able to make eye contact with you.  EVERY SINGLE TIME she bites/hits/etc, you say "NO biting" and put her in that Pack N Play for 90 seconds.  Set a timer.  Do not talk to her or look at her during time out.  When time's up, you pick her up and say "no biting, okay?  Be a nice girl!" Smile and give her a hug.  She has to know that you will not tolerate the behavior, but that you forgive and still love her.

16 month olds are tricky!

You have to be consistent.  But you should definitely not use time-out or any other kind of punishment when she's just getting into things that you don't want her touching.  The answer for that is baby-proofing.  If you don't want her touching the DVD player, get a TV unit with doors and put a zip tie or cabinet lock on it.  (Ours has glass doors so we can use the remotes while the doors are locked.)  If she's getting into trouble in the kitchen, gate the whole room off.  At 16 months, she really is just exploring.  Even if it's making you crazy :) 





Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love.  ~Mildred B. Vermont
Luv.My.Kidz
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:15 PM

Ummm she may not be ignoring you.... she could be deaf.... get her into the Dr and get a hearing test ASAP

Marimaru
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:30 PM

When Isabelle was that age I found myself yelling and just made myself stop.  I realized that I wanted my loud voice to get her attention (like "STOP" when I wanted her to not run into the street or touch the stove or something).  If 3 timeouts didn't work, she took a super timeout in her pack n' play.  She would stay in there for 5 minutes and we'd try again.

Metteba
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:39 PM
Sounds like my lil brother when you try to make him leave the bar when its closing time...LOL.
MrsNovakNWIND
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:49 PM

Not going to join in on the spanking debate but I always found distractions worked great! "Hey don't do that do this really fun really cool really happy thing over here!" Then get her out of the room or away from whatever it is without making a big deal of it. Presently she knows she can get you worked up, they love being able to do that! lol

They love having that power, just don't give her the power....just say hey look at this cool thing, make a big deal over it, "O WOW! Look at this!" that kind of thing.

Hope you try it, you'll feel much much better about yourself as well....

Karenjm
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 1:04 PM
1 mom liked this

She is only 16 months old.  That's what they do, lol.  They get into everything.  I would just stay calm and say no and try to distract them.  I don't think they understand time outs at this age. 

IQuitCounting
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 1:14 PM
2 moms liked this

Wow, so those are her options; time out or spank?  I wasn't aware they were so limited :/

Seriously, NOT the only options, only the least creative.

Quoting vinalex0581:

start spanking her then.

what else can you do? if time outs don't work, something has to.


abusednotbroken
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 1:32 PM

Something I've discovered with mine is a little bit of the opposite. I used spanking, but it become so commonplace, it's like they accepted it as a part of the routine. So, now I use natural consequences. If she hit you with a blanket, you take the blanket. The time outs should be rather short. I know each kid is different and your situation may be differnt, but I noticed that yelling, repeating myself and spanking just escalates their frustration. I still use the spanking for certain things, but most often, I use the natural consequences and I do it immediately. Your daughter is 16 mos and it may be a lot harder on her, but tell her "No" once and the second time, take away whatever she's doind that's wrong or remove her from your presence altogehter for a short period of time. When that's over, reassure her that you accpet her and that you're ready for her acceptable behavior. Don't stay mad at her and give her a lot of praise for what she does right. I've seen a total difference of night and day with my kids, becuase they are forced to deal with their own consequence of their behavior rather than my frustration for disobedience. I essentially removed myself from the equation, other than I give out the consequence.

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