Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom to Mom Mom to Mom

My dd is 16 months old and driving me crazy! I know she gets what no means but she does not care! I have tried everything and now find myself yelling a lot which does not help! She just ignores me! When I try to move her out of the situation she hits or bites and time outs mean nothing to her. I feel like I am at the end of my rope! I need advice ladies! I do not want to be that parent thats screaming all the time! : (

by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 2:10 PM
Replies (21-30):
rowansmum
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:27 PM
1 mom liked this

Totally agree with everything here.  

Quoting CLG122:

I disagree with the other moms.  Spanking is NOT appropriate for a 16 month old.  Especially if she's been hitting.  Spanking will just reinforce that we hit when we don't like what someone's doing-- seriously.

I would do this: set up a Pack N Play with NO TOYS in it.  Put it in a separate room from where you usually are, or an out-of-the-way spot where she won't be able to make eye contact with you.  EVERY SINGLE TIME she bites/hits/etc, you say "NO biting" and put her in that Pack N Play for 90 seconds.  Set a timer.  Do not talk to her or look at her during time out.  When time's up, you pick her up and say "no biting, okay?  Be a nice girl!" Smile and give her a hug.  She has to know that you will not tolerate the behavior, but that you forgive and still love her.

16 month olds are tricky!

You have to be consistent.  But you should definitely not use time-out or any other kind of punishment when she's just getting into things that you don't want her touching.  The answer for that is baby-proofing.  If you don't want her touching the DVD player, get a TV unit with doors and put a zip tie or cabinet lock on it.  (Ours has glass doors so we can use the remotes while the doors are locked.)  If she's getting into trouble in the kitchen, gate the whole room off.  At 16 months, she really is just exploring.  Even if it's making you crazy :) 



Aleta775
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:34 PM

I agree with this. At 16 months old she is far too young for spanking. We used to spank our dd, but we have found other ways to work with her so now we don't have to. If she is already hitting a biting, then spanking is a very bad idea. Put her in a place where she can chill out and will not get attention for a couple of minutes and that will work.  

Quoting CLG122:

I disagree with the other moms.  Spanking is NOT appropriate for a 16 month old.  Especially if she's been hitting.  Spanking will just reinforce that we hit when we don't like what someone's doing-- seriously.

I would do this: set up a Pack N Play with NO TOYS in it.  Put it in a separate room from where you usually are, or an out-of-the-way spot where she won't be able to make eye contact with you.  EVERY SINGLE TIME she bites/hits/etc, you say "NO biting" and put her in that Pack N Play for 90 seconds.  Set a timer.  Do not talk to her or look at her during time out.  When time's up, you pick her up and say "no biting, okay?  Be a nice girl!" Smile and give her a hug.  She has to know that you will not tolerate the behavior, but that you forgive and still love her.

16 month olds are tricky!

You have to be consistent.  But you should definitely not use time-out or any other kind of punishment when she's just getting into things that you don't want her touching.  The answer for that is baby-proofing.  If you don't want her touching the DVD player, get a TV unit with doors and put a zip tie or cabinet lock on it.  (Ours has glass doors so we can use the remotes while the doors are locked.)  If she's getting into trouble in the kitchen, gate the whole room off.  At 16 months, she really is just exploring.  Even if it's making you crazy :) 


 

Queen_Sheila
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:39 PM

My son was two, so a little older, but I gave him time outs. I had a pillow that was the time out pillow in the corner of the room and when he wasn't listening or doing something he knew he wasn't supposed to do, I sat him on the pillow for two minutes. If he got up, I put him back, over and over, until he stayed there. The two minutes didn't start until he sat on the pillow and stayed there, all it took was consistency and perseverance.

She's testing you, seeing what she can and can't get away with, and as you said, yelling at her doesn't help the situation. It's difficult disciplining a child who is too young to understand a whole lot, but it can be done as long as you do it with love and patience. Find what works for the both of you, do you have a pack and play or something you can put her in to keep her in time out? Don't put her in her crib because she may see going to bed as a form of punishment. Good luck.

adalynnsmom
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:48 PM

 Tis is really good advice. Quoting CLG122:

I disagree with the other moms.  Spanking is NOT appropriate for a 16 month old.  Especially if she's been hitting.  Spanking will just reinforce that we hit when we don't like what someone's doing-- seriously.

I would do this: set up a Pack N Play with NO TOYS in it.  Put it in a separate room from where you usually are, or an out-of-the-way spot where she won't be able to make eye contact with you.  EVERY SINGLE TIME she bites/hits/etc, you say "NO biting" and put her in that Pack N Play for 90 seconds.  Set a timer.  Do not talk to her or look at her during time out.  When time's up, you pick her up and say "no biting, okay?  Be a nice girl!" Smile and give her a hug.  She has to know that you will not tolerate the behavior, but that you forgive and still love her.

16 month olds are tricky!

You have to be consistent.  But you should definitely not use time-out or any other kind of punishment when she's just getting into things that you don't want her touching.  The answer for that is baby-proofing.  If you don't want her touching the DVD player, get a TV unit with doors and put a zip tie or cabinet lock on it.  (Ours has glass doors so we can use the remotes while the doors are locked.)  If she's getting into trouble in the kitchen, gate the whole room off.  At 16 months, she really is just exploring.  Even if it's making you crazy :) 


 

thecoffeefairy
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:54 PM
1 mom liked this
This! I did not spank and ended up with very respectful, smart teenagers. Don't shout. It just makes your little one used to shouting. My kids know when I raise my voice slightly that they have gone way too far and they back peddle. Fast. Remember this is just a phase. Your teaching them for the long term. Not just now.


Quoting CLG122:

I disagree with the other moms.  Spanking is NOT appropriate for a 16 month old.  Especially if she's been hitting.  Spanking will just reinforce that we hit when we don't like what someone's doing-- seriously.

I would do this: set up a Pack N Play with NO TOYS in it.  Put it in a separate room from where you usually are, or an out-of-the-way spot where she won't be able to make eye contact with you.  EVERY SINGLE TIME she bites/hits/etc, you say "NO biting" and put her in that Pack N Play for 90 seconds.  Set a timer.  Do not talk to her or look at her during time out.  When time's up, you pick her up and say "no biting, okay?  Be a nice girl!" Smile and give her a hug.  She has to know that you will not tolerate the behavior, but that you forgive and still love her.

16 month olds are tricky!

You have to be consistent.  But you should definitely not use time-out or any other kind of punishment when she's just getting into things that you don't want her touching.  The answer for that is baby-proofing.  If you don't want her touching the DVD player, get a TV unit with doors and put a zip tie or cabinet lock on it.  (Ours has glass doors so we can use the remotes while the doors are locked.)  If she's getting into trouble in the kitchen, gate the whole room off.  At 16 months, she really is just exploring.  Even if it's making you crazy :) 



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
nicole2884
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 3:03 PM


Quoting vinalex0581:

start spanking her then.

what else can you do? if time outs don't work, something has to.

i cant think of anything worse, 

they are not doing it to drive us nuts or be bad, they have no idea what is good an bad, an they don't have the language to express themselves. can you modify your environment so that its baby friendly enough so that you dont have to say no all the time

your right no all the time isnt good for self esteem

talk to her she may not get it all but tell her why you dont want her to do that

WHEN YOU STAND OF THE TABLE IM AFRAID YOUR GOING TO FALL

an such 

but i have found i get better results when i tell them why they should do it. an if she cant stop remove her change of scenery , go out side go to her room an play 

hide or remove trouble store her toys in a closet an bring out what your ok with at the time being

kinda think of it as if your talking to adult your not gonna say no dont bite, your going to say, why did you bite me, you must be really mad at me, that hurts i dont like it when you bite, an then bite back , talk it out 

JennySA
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 4:54 PM
1 mom liked this

I say 16 months is too young for time-outs (and have read parenting articles that agree with that) & I totally disagree with spanking. 

If she's doing something with an object that she shouldn't be doing, or in an area where she shouldn't be, try to just remove her from that area/situation. 

If she's getting aggressive toward you, continue to try to gently tell her no & do your best to keep both of you unharmed until she calms down. If you yell or hit, it just adds more fuel to the fire.

My son is Autistic, about 2.5 years old, and can be very aggressive when he's upset. I try not to take it personal, he can't help lose it sometimes. It's hard to stay calm, but calmness does help. Eventually, the meltdown or tantrum will end - you just have to try to prevent them in the first place by removing as many stressors as you can & then if they happen, keep everyone safe & sound until your child is ready to be quiet & listen.


OliviasMommy611
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 5:02 PM
Lol word

Quoting goddess99:

My dd s 10 and still doesn't listen half the time, nor does she care. Sorry

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof3jam
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 5:06 PM

Holy cow you poor thing. Keep up with time-outs for a little longer. I think a lot of parents give up on it too quickly when they don't see results. Give it 2 more weeks of hardcore bootcamp timeouts.

If that doesn't work, you can try the swat on the butt (diaper), or swat on the hand for grabbing/touching/hitting... Mine get sent to their room, door closed, until they decide to calm the hell down - on their own. Then they come out, apologize, and tell me exactly what they did wrong (so they understand).

Melissa_4
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 5:16 PM
If you keep screaming at her, she'll become desensitized to your shrills. Then, when a true emergency is about to happen, she'll completely ignore you. I understand that it's very tiring to constantly redirect, calmly explain things, but this is what you signed up for by having a child. It does get better, and the suggestion of time outs in a porta-crib is an excellent idea. Just keep in mind that she is still a baby, transitioning to a full-blown toddler. She's got all the emotions you have, is very curious, and has lots of energy (til her batteries fall out, lol). Hang in there!
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)