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I'm new to the group needing some help.

Posted by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 5:55 PM
  • 16 Replies

I am new to this group but in need of some help without being bashed and disrespected.

 

I have 2 kids, DD is 1 and DS is 3. I am married to a 41 year old and I am 23. I got married when I was 19(his idea not mine) anway, me and DH had an arguement over something really dumb. His other kids wanted to go to the library and he wasn't feeling to well, I offered my time to go take them. He started the arguement not me! He satated that he never goes anywahere alone(which thats a fat lie) and that I always go where ever. I told him that he was wrong because I am always stuck in the house with the babies. I also said I didn't want to take any kids so I can get some stuff that I need to get done. That started something, well he complained on how I can leave the kids there for 30 minutes while he is sick. I do it all the time and he should be use to it because he has 6 other kids, right? Apparently I'm wrong, the mother of the kids did it til about 5 years old then he stepped in, like WTF dude? So, who is wrong in being upset? I am upset because he obviously don't see where I'm coming from and he is mad because I expressed how I felt about this topic. I see nothing wrong with him when he goes places but when I go try going somewhere, he becomes sick. I love dh with all my heart and sometimes he gets on my nerves. I just want some free time with no one in the way.

by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 5:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DixieFlower
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 8:31 PM

I'm really confused by your post. Why was there an argument because you offered to take the kids to the library?

MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Oct. 14, 2012 at 8:37 PM

Welcome to the group.

parisonmom
by Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 8:39 PM
I offered my tims to take his 19 yr old and her friend. Obviously he wanted me to take dd and ds(which I didn't need to) and that started an arguement. I told him how he never watches them and that he needs to start helping. All I was doing is just going there do what I need to and cone home. I wasn't going to be gone for a long time. He got mad because I expressed my feelings and he don't like the feeling.


Quoting DixieFlower:

I'm really confused by your post. Why was there an argument because you offered to take the kids to the library?


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
DixieFlower
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 8:42 PM

Oh ok now it makes a bit more sense. If I were you I'd sit down and have a serious discussion with him. Sometime when it's just you and him. Even though he's older you are both adults. You both need to talk about what is expected from the other, what can be compromised and what is non negotiable.

Quoting parisonmom:

I offered my tims to take his 19 yr old and her friend. Obviously he wanted me to take dd and ds(which I didn't need to) and that started an arguement. I told him how he never watches them and that he needs to start helping. All I was doing is just going there do what I need to and cone home. I wasn't going to be gone for a long time. He got mad because I expressed my feelings and he don't like the feeling.


Quoting DixieFlower:

I'm really confused by your post. Why was there an argument because you offered to take the kids to the library?



DCR1
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 8:50 PM

First of all, doesn't matter who's idea it was to marry, you love him and he loves you, so there is no need for you to have to explain that, i say this because you do not want those words to become a thorn in your side as well as a point of argument later on down the road. Okay here's the skinny, there's no point in the two of you continuing on with the who's right and who's wrong, the reason is because in his eyes he is and he isn't giving up the title, and in your eyes you are and you aren't giving up the title, so then what does it leave? Exactly the same argument over and over again, leading to more stress and a communication breakdown in your relationship., but i will tell you this, when men say they're sick, in their eyes they're dying. Lol so with that said i would suggest going to him and saying baby the problem is we are both right, and i propose this, whip out a calendar on his behind, and a pen and make a schedule of who does what on which days, giving each days off, and so that one does not pick all of the good days, alternate the picking process, and sign it into agreement, and no one is allowed to switch on the other without proper permission no matter what, bottom line he fathered children and so no his jobs not done.

parisonmom
by Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 8:54 PM
I tried but he keeps interrupting


Quoting DixieFlower:

Oh ok now it makes a bit more sense. If I were you I'd sit down and have a serious discussion with him. Sometime when it's just you and him. Even though he's older you are both adults. You both need to talk about what is expected from the other, what can be compromised and what is non negotiable.


Quoting parisonmom:

I offered my tims to take his 19 yr old and her friend. Obviously he wanted me to take dd and ds(which I didn't need to) and that started an arguement. I told him how he never watches them and that he needs to start helping. All I was doing is just going there do what I need to and cone home. I wasn't going to be gone for a long time. He got mad because I expressed my feelings and he don't like the feeling.





Quoting DixieFlower:

I'm really confused by your post. Why was there an argument because you offered to take the kids to the library?





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
DixieFlower
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 8:56 PM

Did you try after you all already had an argument or was this a meeting where things were calm before you started discussing things?

Quoting parisonmom:

I tried but he keeps interrupting


Quoting DixieFlower:

Oh ok now it makes a bit more sense. If I were you I'd sit down and have a serious discussion with him. Sometime when it's just you and him. Even though he's older you are both adults. You both need to talk about what is expected from the other, what can be compromised and what is non negotiable.


Quoting parisonmom:

I offered my tims to take his 19 yr old and her friend. Obviously he wanted me to take dd and ds(which I didn't need to) and that started an arguement. I told him how he never watches them and that he needs to start helping. All I was doing is just going there do what I need to and cone home. I wasn't going to be gone for a long time. He got mad because I expressed my feelings and he don't like the feeling.





Quoting DixieFlower:

I'm really confused by your post. Why was there an argument because you offered to take the kids to the library?






DixieFlower
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 8:56 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with this also.

Quoting DCR1:

First of all, doesn't matter who's idea it was to marry, you love him and he loves you, so there is no need for you to have to explain that, i say this because you do not want those words to become a thorn in your side as well as a point of argument later on down the road. Okay here's the skinny, there's no point in the two of you continuing on with the who's right and who's wrong, the reason is because in his eyes he is and he isn't giving up the title, and in your eyes you are and you aren't giving up the title, so then what does it leave? Exactly the same argument over and over again, leading to more stress and a communication breakdown in your relationship., but i will tell you this, when men say they're sick, in their eyes they're dying. Lol so with that said i would suggest going to him and saying baby the problem is we are both right, and i propose this, whip out a calendar on his behind, and a pen and make a schedule of who does what on which days, giving each days off, and so that one does not pick all of the good days, alternate the picking process, and sign it into agreement, and no one is allowed to switch on the other without proper permission no matter what, bottom line he fathered children and so no his jobs not done.


parisonmom
by Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 9:25 PM
After everythig calmed down.


Quoting DixieFlower:

Did you try after you all already had an argument or was this a meeting where things were calm before you started discussing things?


Quoting parisonmom:

I tried but he keeps interrupting





Quoting DixieFlower:

Oh ok now it makes a bit more sense. If I were you I'd sit down and have a serious discussion with him. Sometime when it's just you and him. Even though he's older you are both adults. You both need to talk about what is expected from the other, what can be compromised and what is non negotiable.



Quoting parisonmom:

I offered my tims to take his 19 yr old and her friend. Obviously he wanted me to take dd and ds(which I didn't need to) and that started an arguement. I told him how he never watches them and that he needs to start helping. All I was doing is just going there do what I need to and cone home. I wasn't going to be gone for a long time. He got mad because I expressed my feelings and he don't like the feeling.








Quoting DixieFlower:

I'm really confused by your post. Why was there an argument because you offered to take the kids to the library?









Posted on CafeMom Mobile
parisonmom
by Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 9:26 PM
He doeant follow through. Tried calender tried everything and it jusy don't work.


Quoting DCR1:

First of all, doesn't matter who's idea it was to marry, you love him and he loves you, so there is no need for you to have to explain that, i say this because you do not want those words to become a thorn in your side as well as a point of argument later on down the road. Okay here's the skinny, there's no point in the two of you continuing on with the who's right and who's wrong, the reason is because in his eyes he is and he isn't giving up the title, and in your eyes you are and you aren't giving up the title, so then what does it leave? Exactly the same argument over and over again, leading to more stress and a communication breakdown in your relationship., but i will tell you this, when men say they're sick, in their eyes they're dying. Lol so with that said i would suggest going to him and saying baby the problem is we are both right, and i propose this, whip out a calendar on his behind, and a pen and make a schedule of who does what on which days, giving each days off, and so that one does not pick all of the good days, alternate the picking process, and sign it into agreement, and no one is allowed to switch on the other without proper permission no matter what, bottom line he fathered children and so no his jobs not done.


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