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How involved is your husband/is he a good father?

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Hi everyone!

I would like to know from all you moms out there how good of a father your husband is to your children? How involved is he? How much time does he spend with them and what types of activities does he do with them? Also, does he work full-time and if he does, does he still spend most of his free time with the kids in the weekends? If you have a baby, is he natural at taking care of him/her? Does he do anything in the household or is that 'your task'? I know these are alot of questions but I really would love some answers. I'm in a situation where I feel like my husband just doesn't put in enough time and effort with our 3 yr old and our 10 month old twins. He lets me do everything, I have to ask for his help all the time and he doesn't naturally play with them or spend alot of time with them. He's disrespectful in ways of leaving clothes on the floor, doesn't put his shit away, never helps me with dishes and I'm just sick of it, tired. Like having a fourth child. I'm trying to put things in perspective and would love some input!

Thank you!

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 8:34 PM
Replies (21-30):
Pammi86
by Pamela on Nov. 14, 2012 at 1:01 PM

My husband works full time, I work part time. He does the dishes and loads/unloads the dish washer. He takes care of the trash and also changes the litter box around here. I clean, he has never cleaned our apartment and we have lived her for a year lol. Although I do not care for the way he cleans anyways! He does the laundry as far as carrying it downstairs and putting it in. I fold and put the clothes away. He does not cook besides eggs and frozen pizza so I have gotten use to it. He only gives our dd a bath when I ask him buthe is a big complainer in general when it comes to helping. His grandma and mom did everything for him! I b*tch a lot but he hasn't changed so I suck it up bc our marriage is worth it. He does however acknowledge our dd. He plays with her and is involved which to me matters the most. And I am pregnant and he is very invlved with this pregnancy.

Knightquester
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 1:14 PM

Before we had our first child I basically gave my husband an ultimatum which was if he chooses to be involved in the child's life it's all the way, if not or he doesn't know then he needs to stay out of it's life all the way because I don't settle for half arse parenting.  He and I had wanted kids before we had our first and of course he wanted to be involved, but I still had to give him that speech after growing up with a half-arse father.

When the kids were babies my husband had changed as many diapers as I had when he was around, when we worked opposite shifts he took full care of our children and he's always been there for them and me.

He's worked two jobs in the past and still set aside every free moment for his family.  Right now he commutes three hours a day and works almost ten hours but he's still there for our children before he leaves and when he gets home.  He's a great father, husband, and friend.

DixieFlower
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 8:45 PM

My husband is a stay at home dad. He does a lot with the boys. My sons are 2 yrs and 3.5 yrs old. When I was nursing them he would get my pump set up for me and bring them to me to nurse. One night I was so exhausted I didn't even hear our son get up and want to nurse. I woke up and my DH was standing over me trying to figure out how to latch the baby on. He changes diapers, he washes diapers. He tries to keep the house up. As far as playing with the boys it took time for him to do that. He just really didn't know how to play with them. As far as house work that was another one we had to work on. Growing up he wasn't expected to do anything around the house. So once we got married it was quite the shock to him. I literally made up a chore chart for the whole household. It includes myself and DH. That way everyone knows what's expected of them.

queencreekmom
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:49 PM

My husband is much better with our kids as they get older. He was a good dad when they were babies, but since he works long hours and I stay home, plus I nursed them exclusively, it was harder for him. Now he is much more hands on! He coaches soccer, plays all kinds of sports with them, reads to them before bed each night, helps with homework, and attends all of their activities. Plus he does almost all of the Christmas/ other holiday shopping for them because he thinks I don't get them enough.

sometimes men aren't as comfortable with babies. Hopefully your husband will develop a good relationship with your kids as they grow.

joyfulmom03
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 11:23 PM

@dixieflower. That is the sweetest thing ive read in a long time, that he got the baby and tried to latch him on. Even something tiny like setting up the pump for you, is such a nice gesture that I have never ever received. He sleeps through everything so when the babies cry I get up. In the mornings I get up at 7 and get all three kids out of bed while husband sleeps in until 9 or so. A lot of the times he hasn't even seen the babies in the morning by the time they already go down for their nap at 10 am. He cooks every now and then but that's it. That's all he does household wise. No dishes, no laundry, no cleaning. Yeah he occasionally takes out the diaper trash. Wow. He has a full time job but works from home. Sometimes he has nothing to do and just sits around the computer. We also run a business together which makes this whole thing even more tricky. I do freelance work also and work on our business. I do probably three times as much as he does in a day. The thing that really just bugs me the most is that he just lets me do everything. He doesn't feel he needs to help me more. I mean three kids including twins under three, that's a lot work! And we are in it together. We both wanted kids, we never expected twins but hey, gotta roll with it and have fun! Sometimes I wonder if he's too selfish to have kids :(

jbirdsladie27
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 9:21 AM

 My husband is very involved and a wonderful father to both our sons

Basherte
by Bronze Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 10:54 AM


Quoting joyfulmom03:

@dixieflower. That is the sweetest thing ive read in a long time, that he got the baby and tried to latch him on. Even something tiny like setting up the pump for you, is such a nice gesture that I have never ever received. He sleeps through everything so when the babies cry I get up. In the mornings I get up at 7 and get all three kids out of bed while husband sleeps in until 9 or so. A lot of the times he hasn't even seen the babies in the morning by the time they already go down for their nap at 10 am. He cooks every now and then but that's it. That's all he does household wise. No dishes, no laundry, no cleaning. Yeah he occasionally takes out the diaper trash. Wow. He has a full time job but works from home. Sometimes he has nothing to do and just sits around the computer. We also run a business together which makes this whole thing even more tricky. I do freelance work also and work on our business. I do probably three times as much as he does in a day. The thing that really just bugs me the most is that he just lets me do everything. He doesn't feel he needs to help me more. I mean three kids including twins under three, that's a lot work! And we are in it together. We both wanted kids, we never expected twins but hey, gotta roll with it and have fun! Sometimes I wonder if he's too selfish to have kids :(

Sounds like you are not over reacting. You and he need to sit down and discuss this. Let him know how what he does makes you feel. Then tell him that even though he works, he works at home and still helps to make the mess in the house, so should be helping you to clean it up without you having to tell him about it. (makes you feel like a nagging wife) also they are his kids too. He should be spending more time with them. 

ambermario4ever
by Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:09 AM

Well he dose work full time. But he does play with them for a few mins every night that he doesn't have to work late so well as help get them ready and put them to bed evey night that he is home in time to. He sends lots of time with them on the weekends that he doesn't have to work. They do pillow fights, wrestle, play catch, and soccer, ect.. He also occasionally ( like once a week) cooks dinner, and on Saturdays make breakfast as long as he doesn't have to work. He occasionally helps with cleaning the kitchen but that's like only four or five times a year. If we are having company over he will help clean and get the house ready. You should have a talk with him and tell him how you feel and let him know you need more help.

LOVES67
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 12:01 PM
His a wonderful dad, yes his a f/t worker and makes time to be with his children..
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ZMama09
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 12:03 PM

I was in kind of the same position as you.  I work full-time, but am self-employed and work at home.  My husband also works full-time, and has put in a lot of overtime this summer, working 6 days per week.  Because of this, it was unspoken, but expected of me to do all the housework, take care of our 3-year-old son, etc.  When my husband would come home from work, he would go to our bedroom and play video games, or talk on his phone to his friends, etc. and wouldn't spend time with us.  His excuse was that he needed "down time".  I told him it wasn't fair, because I NEVER get down time, or me time.  We argued about it for a while, and finally I made a point to track how much time he spent doing his "down time" and how much little time he spent with our son.  When I showed him the facts, he was upset for a couple of days, but then came around and admitted that I was right.  Ever since then, he has spent a lot of time with us, does not play his video games NEARLY as much, and helps around the house more.  Our son now prefers his daddy over me a lot of the time, because daddy is so much fun.  :)  We (my husband and I) also get along a lot better now, and we never argue anymore.  I feel like we are back to the way we were when we first met 16 years ago.  :)  I would suggest you do the same...track the amount of  time he spends with the kids/you versus how much time he spends without you and the kids when he is not working, and track all the duties you do, and show him the facts.  He might be upset for a while, but he just might come around and realize that he does need to be there more and help out more.  He might need suggestions as to what to do with the kids...you could just invite him to play with you and the kids for a while, and he should get the hang of it and start feeling comfortable spending time with them on his own.  I don't think fathering comes naturally to any dad, and they are all nervous...but with a little help, they grow into the role just fine!  Good luck!

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