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Tired yet bored. why can't my husband understand

Well, my relationship was like a fairytale.  I left a pretty stable life to become a mom in another state with the one I felt is the love of my life.

Problem started with financial circumstances, baby fat, lack of energy and a very selfish and accomplished husband who seems to forget our history at times.

I am overwhelmed, feel trapped in a bored lifestyle surrounded by kids and mundane day to day.  I don't belong with the PTO and am at the edge of losing my religion here.  I want to leave but look at my kids and wonder if this is something that will pass.

Have no family close by and I am just at a lost.  To top off, I have been a stay at home and it is not working well with me.  Husband although generous, has way too much control and as most moms know, men are not the most responsible with money so we are always pinching..I am called "cheap" when I try to save here and there...cannot win.

Based on this post, you can gather I am extremely unhappy right now... Is this normal?  I'm told by friends and family in a dismissive fashion that this too will pass and we'll be back in love and happy.. WHAT?   I am trully not looking for another man to hook with up either.  the problems here are clear.  My partner and I are not getting along...

Share your thoughts?

by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:36 PM
Replies (11-18):
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 11:15 AM

Thanks for the reply. I appreciate all of your feedback.   Suppose only moms understand.



by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 11:32 AM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like alot of it is depression & alot of it isn't really him/his problems ( baby fat, lack of enery, etc ) that are going towards him. And some of it is him I am sure.

Moves are rough on everyone, then it sounds like there is alot going on with you interally on top of it, then the lonliness, your family isn't supporting you in the sense you wanted so that is also pouring more on.

Sadly I would adore to be a stay at home but can't, So I understand if you are wanting to work, get out of the house, how it would effect you. I also understand how financial issues can weigh on you also.

I think the Paster is a good way. Can you get into maybe some work out classes that would help with energy & baby fat? Even maybe with something at home like Kettlebell from walmart $15 comes with DVD or used Zumba Wii game? ( Watch Youtube videos, some of those instructors aren't showing proper way to do any type of classes be it Zumba, Kettlebell, etc ). Or even just some instruction on crunches, sit ups, walking with the kids, etc. On a daily basis. If you could afford it, group classes at gym woul dbe great for the social interaction, I can't tell you how it helps, it is amazing, but not sure if you could swing the cost or babysitter but a thought for later.

Are there any groups where you can do play groups for some you & the kids time? Do any of the moms go for coffee after drop off? When you say you don't belong with the pto did something happen? Or you just don't think you belong? All the PTO's I was a part of was a MASS difference of people. Sorry on the religion, is there no church you can find that is close to yours?

Will your husband not listen at all? Have you tried a night without kids that you can sit & talk it all out? Have you tried a list that he has to read first? So you can get out all the points, nicely, so he has to read them, then you come out & you can both discuss them? Like you feel that when you are trying to save money bcause you guys are in financial problems, he harrasses with the cheap comments, that you have lack of energy & baby fat so you want to deal with that, you feel you are losing religion you feel you don't belong, you want to work?

by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 3:27 PM

Omg I went trhu the same thing when I moved down to fl. I tried n I tried to b strong but being alone in another state with a controlling husband didn't help. I got me a job n his insecurities got worst day in n day out I thought of leaving that's what my mind n heart was occupied with. I used to say to myself what about the kids so I stuck it out a little bit more but became so sad n depress I started experiencing anxiety attacks, at the end I left, I left everything behind took some clothes my kids n left started a new life it wasn't easy at first because all the mix emotions but now I'm happy I left he was to controlling n jelous. My advise to u is communicate with him c if he will like to move back where ur fam n friends r at for ur emotional sake n if he doesn't want to communicate with u n treat u better so u can b emotional happy then do what I have to do...

by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 4:01 PM

thanks for the reply.  It is hard to explain in one post.

Depression yes, thought I had overcome.  I had some issues with baby fat and I felt it hard because I was always so fit and full of energy.  I bought the P90X in 2011 and was amazed to see the results.  Actually was a bit upset to have given up some clothes that I thought would never fit again.  I began to take better care of myself and my body but it seems that it was not appreciated.  The looks is not so much an issue anymore but being at home tempts us to be all baggy and sometimes unkept.

I have done some real soul searching these past years so as to not be dishonest to myself.  My hubby is very selfish, very selfish.  He's had similar issues with his oldest daughter, sister and who knows how many women in the past. I grew up with a mom with similar traits but at some point she acknowledged and changes some ways but my dh is not there yet.

Today I attended  church and was touched  my core and gave me the greatest peace.  Pastor:  No matter what challenges you are facing, be encouraged that God has not forgotten about you; that you were made in his image and that to him - YOU MATTER!"

I am encouraged and understand it will be challenging but I appreciate all your replies.. They were all duly noted and I will work on me.  I can't and won't attempt to make the husband what he is not ready to become.

by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 4:06 PM

It may come to that but I really want to work out our marriage before I leave.  My vows were very serious to me but I will not be treated as garbage.



by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 1:09 AM

This is not normal.  Talk to your husband about this and seek counseling for your marriage.  Work on solving these problems, one at a time.  Why not get involved in activities to curb your boredom?  Become active in your church to reconnect with your faith?  Look into getting a job?

by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 6:43 AM
I agree.

Quoting seraphimsong:

Try working. My dh was in the military for awhile and every time we moved to a new base I went through that. Sometimes I would work and sometimes just finding good friends helped. Do you have any friends ?
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by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:27 AM

I would start by having a long talk with dh. If he takes you seriously and agrees to work on things, I think its worth a shot. If not then clearly he does not value your relationship! And do something for yourself! Volunteer, get a pt job! Play dates where you can meet new people and make friends and relax! Good luck.

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