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My ex has not contacted me about my son in 4 months now. This is the longest he has gone without contacting, even then it is just a text asking how he is. He is in the Army and has a new gf that he started dating in June. He came home and visited him in July and I haven't heard from him since. On his FB and hers, I see they drink ALOT. He usually comes home at Christmas, but I don't know if he will this year. He never legitimated my son or got visitation. There is no CO'ed CS either although it comes out if his check automatically because his officer found out he wasn't paying and he didn't want to hear him gripe at him so he set it up. He didn't want me to go to CS place either so he started giving me money. If he does come home, I don't even know if he should get my son. He is almost 6 and never asks about him. He knows he is his father, but he sees my DH, who has been there since he was 9 months old, as his daddy. WWYD in this situation? I do not trust my ex or his gf. I think they party all the time and ex is just unreliable. He threatens to take me to court once every year because I won't send him 4 states away to visit him. He hasn't so far.

**Edit: I think I have made a decision. When or IF he calls/texts, he will get 2 options. This is to protect my son and my rights without going to court for now. Option 1: Come to my house and see him. I will fix up downstairs so they can sit and be with him without us hovering over them. Option 2: Pay a lady that does supervised visitation. I have already talked to her and she seems really nice. She doesn't charge much, $10 a hour. This next part I haven't decided on yet. I thought about giving him until the 18th to contact me or he wont have these options. That is 1 week before Christmas. I think I should set some kind of boundary or whatever or he will think he can wait until the 23rd to call and say, "Hey Im home. When am I getting him?" Does all of this (my edit) sound reasonable? I know some said go to court, but even if I filed right now...I wont get a court date until after the new year. So were going as what is, for now anyways.

by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 5:08 PM
Replies (11-20):
kirbymom
by Bronze Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:27 PM


Then I would with what your lawyer says and just limit any contact your son would have with his father. Also, do not talk negatively about your ex to, or in front of, your son. The reason why is because he will emulate any negative feelings you may be feeling and eminating from yourself about your ex. You want your son to come to his own conclusions as to the typr of person his father is.  If your ex questions you, then you may or may not want to discuss what you are doing and why.  Also, if your son see's your dh as his father, then just let that be. Your son will be able to figure things out for himself if given the room to do so.   Good luck on your situation. :)

Quoting ANR1390:

He is on the BC, but I spoke with an attorney before and she said that he has no rights except he has to be notified about any adoptions or name changes. Other than that, he has zero.


Quoting kirbymom:

Is he listed as your son's father on the birth certificate?  Right now, you should see whether or not this man hasany legal rights to your son in any way. Also, you should document any and all contact with your ex on any issues regarding anything. 

Quoting ANR1390:

Never married





Quoting Janet:

 Were you married to him or is he an ex boyfriend. In Ohio if you aren't married you have no legal right even if you pay child support or sign the birth certificate.



 







splatz
by Sarah on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:02 AM
I agree about going to court. Laws vary so much from state to state. You don't want to do something to potentially put yourself at fault in the courts eyes.

If he wants to visit then tell him he can come to your home and see him. Or if he does not want to do that offer a visit at a local public place-McDonalds with a play place even? Then at least when it comes down to court you can say you have done your part to let him be a part of your childs life.
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splatz
by Sarah on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:04 AM
Also you can probably find out from your local court house if there are any local organizations that offer supervised visitations. There are places here that charge a small fee to do so. Then your little man will be safe but you won't have to physically be there. So your ex would have no real excuse to not see him.
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jltplk25
by Gold Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:16 AM

 This for sure.

Quoting goddess99:

I would go to the courts and get everything set up legally. If not, he could take your son for a visit and never legally have to return him.

 

 
Click on me to see what it's all about!

ANR1390
by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 6:32 AM
Only problem with that is, I don't want him having visitation at all.


Quoting jltplk25:

 This for sure.


Quoting goddess99:


I would go to the courts and get everything set up legally. If not, he could take your son for a visit and never legally have to return him.


 


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jltplk25
by Gold Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 8:09 AM

 If you have seen pictures of him partying and they happen to have time stamps, print them. Document all contact, visitations, etc. The more you have to show that he's not really a good environment for your child to be in the better it is for you.

Quoting ANR1390:

Only problem with that is, I don't want him having visitation at all.


Quoting jltplk25:

 This for sure.


Quoting goddess99:


I would go to the courts and get everything set up legally. If not, he could take your son for a visit and never legally have to return him.


 


 

 
Click on me to see what it's all about!

goddess99
by Michelle on Nov. 30, 2012 at 9:44 AM

Yep if you have any proof that he's unfit it will change how your order is written and he might have to do supervised visitation, but that's probably as good as you're going to get. The only guys I know that don't have any visitation rights are the ones that have documented proof they sexually abused their own children.

Quoting jltplk25:

 If you have seen pictures of him partying and they happen to have time stamps, print them. Document all contact, visitations, etc. The more you have to show that he's not really a good environment for your child to be in the better it is for you.

Quoting ANR1390:

Only problem with that is, I don't want him having visitation at all.


Quoting jltplk25:

 This for sure.


Quoting goddess99:


I would go to the courts and get everything set up legally. If not, he could take your son for a visit and never legally have to return him.


 


 


ANR1390
by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 9:46 AM
I can TRY to get my DH to adopt him
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jltplk25
by Gold Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 10:12 AM

 You'll still have to go to court to get the bio dad's rights terminated or ask him to sign them away. If he doesn't want to do child support, I'd play that card.

Quoting ANR1390:

I can TRY to get my DH to adopt him

 

ANR1390
by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 10:15 AM
I know, just saying it would be easier to terminate if someone else is willing to adopt. And yeah I don't think he would like to pay what he would have to. The attorney said it would be from a range of $400-500.


Quoting jltplk25:

 You'll still have to go to court to get the bio dad's rights terminated or ask him to sign them away. If he doesn't want to do child support, I'd play that card.


Quoting ANR1390:

I can TRY to get my DH to adopt him

 


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