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My ex has not contacted me about my son in 4 months now. This is the longest he has gone without contacting, even then it is just a text asking how he is. He is in the Army and has a new gf that he started dating in June. He came home and visited him in July and I haven't heard from him since. On his FB and hers, I see they drink ALOT. He usually comes home at Christmas, but I don't know if he will this year. He never legitimated my son or got visitation. There is no CO'ed CS either although it comes out if his check automatically because his officer found out he wasn't paying and he didn't want to hear him gripe at him so he set it up. He didn't want me to go to CS place either so he started giving me money. If he does come home, I don't even know if he should get my son. He is almost 6 and never asks about him. He knows he is his father, but he sees my DH, who has been there since he was 9 months old, as his daddy. WWYD in this situation? I do not trust my ex or his gf. I think they party all the time and ex is just unreliable. He threatens to take me to court once every year because I won't send him 4 states away to visit him. He hasn't so far.

**Edit: I think I have made a decision. When or IF he calls/texts, he will get 2 options. This is to protect my son and my rights without going to court for now. Option 1: Come to my house and see him. I will fix up downstairs so they can sit and be with him without us hovering over them. Option 2: Pay a lady that does supervised visitation. I have already talked to her and she seems really nice. She doesn't charge much, $10 a hour. This next part I haven't decided on yet. I thought about giving him until the 18th to contact me or he wont have these options. That is 1 week before Christmas. I think I should set some kind of boundary or whatever or he will think he can wait until the 23rd to call and say, "Hey Im home. When am I getting him?" Does all of this (my edit) sound reasonable? I know some said go to court, but even if I filed right now...I wont get a court date until after the new year. So were going as what is, for now anyways.

by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 5:08 PM
Replies (21-29):
jltplk25
by Gold Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 2:02 PM

 Yeah, I think it's easier to get them terminated if your dh is willing to adopt. Good luck with everything! :)

Quoting ANR1390:

I know, just saying it would be easier to terminate if someone else is willing to adopt. And yeah I don't think he would like to pay what he would have to. The attorney said it would be from a range of $400-500.


Quoting jltplk25:

 You'll still have to go to court to get the bio dad's rights terminated or ask him to sign them away. If he doesn't want to do child support, I'd play that card.


Quoting ANR1390:

I can TRY to get my DH to adopt him

 


 

 
Click on me to see what it's all about!

ANR1390
by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 2:34 PM
Thanks! I spoke with another attorney just to double check. And he said that since he never legitimated him, he has no rights whatsoever and it would not look bad on me if I didn't let him get my son because he has gone so long without contact.


Quoting jltplk25:

 Yeah, I think it's easier to get them terminated if your dh is willing to adopt. Good luck with everything! :)


Quoting ANR1390:

I know, just saying it would be easier to terminate if someone else is willing to adopt. And yeah I don't think he would like to pay what he would have to. The attorney said it would be from a range of $400-500.



Quoting jltplk25:


 You'll still have to go to court to get the bio dad's rights terminated or ask him to sign them away. If he doesn't want to do child support, I'd play that card.



Quoting ANR1390:

I can TRY to get my DH to adopt him


 



 


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fortheboys1218
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 11:48 AM

Most of what you have been told is true that the ex has very little rights, however , it is in your best interest as well as your son's to go forward with going to court. You will get a parenting plan set by the both of you and your son will get his CS and have insurance provided by his father, and GOD forbid anything happen to him , your son will recieve his benifits. Not to mention , your son needs to have the chance to see him. And if the ex isnt willing to work it out so you are comfortable , later when your son is much older you can tell him with confidence that you tried  but the father wasnt willing and you have proof of that so you arent the bad guy later on. But you must ask your self- Is the mistrust is about you and your ex ? or truly for the safety of your son?

ANR1390
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 1:20 PM
Truly his safety.


Quoting fortheboys1218:

Most of what you have been told is true that the ex has very little rights, however , it is in your best interest as well as your son's to go forward with going to court. You will get a parenting plan set by the both of you and your son will get his CS and have insurance provided by his father, and GOD forbid anything happen to him , your son will recieve his benifits. Not to mention , your son needs to have the chance to see him. And if the ex isnt willing to work it out so you are comfortable , later when your son is much older you can tell him with confidence that you tried  but the father wasnt willing and you have proof of that so you arent the bad guy later on. But you must ask your self- Is the mistrust is about you and your ex ? or truly for the safety of your son?


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
fortheboys1218
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 2:59 PM

The safety of your son is the most important. And your concerns will be addressed and supported in a parenting plan set by the courts if the two of you cant agree. Believe me when I say that a  parenting plan is the best , you have many years ahead of you , and you dont want this to be a constant stress in your life , not to mention it may look better in your favor , that you file first so that they can see that you are trying to fasilitate a relationship between them but have concerns. Best of Luck to Your Family...by the way, my LIB and I have one for our 3 yr old and I am glad of that , it will be removed once we are married but until then I know that if anything happens, that my son will have what he needs and that a relationship will continue with them with good faith because this was done before we were split and hard feelings set in on either of our parts.

suetoo
by Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 6:50 AM

Get a lawyer NOW! You need to do everything you can/ must do to protect your son legally. 

SlapItHigh
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 7:57 AM
This.


Quoting goddess99:

I would go to the courts and get everything set up legally. If not, he could take your son for a visit and never legally have to return him.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ANR1390
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 9:52 AM
I did talk to a lawyer and he said since my son was never legitimated, I have full sole and legal custody of my son. And since he hasn't bothered to contact me, it would not look bad on me to not let him get him and legally I do not have to.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ANR1390
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 10:33 PM

BUMP!

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