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My xh and I have several different ways of parenting our 7 yr old. In short terms my xh is content in treating our son like he is 2yrs old. Most of the time I don't step in about the way he patents at his home. Because he does pay the price of his ways. For instant my son acts out often. Exspects certain things. Doesn't listen and just walks all over his father. I on the other hand have a lot of expectations for my son. Such as mining his manners. Earning what he gets. School work is a must! Chores and please and thank yous.
The one thing I am really concerned with that his father allows is the sleeping arrangements. I know the laws and what they state. But I am
Interested in your thoughts on the subject.
Here at my home. My son has his own room and his own bed. His room is literally ten feet away from mine. And he always sleeps in his own bed. We leave both doors open thru the night.
At his fathers he has always slept with his father. Until recently where his father got him a single to put beside his fathers bed in the same room. Only because he has a new gf. Mind you the house they are in is a two bedroom but this was his solution to my son telling him "he gets scared and lonely" ....
At my home I cuddle my son to sleep and he is fine with being alone.
What are your thoughts?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 4:29 PM
Replies (11-20):
SlapItHigh
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 9:50 AM
2 moms liked this

Because I don't think it's beneficial for children of any age (or adults) to sleep alone.  This idea of children sleeping alone is a new idea in the history of civilization.  There are countless studies showing the risks associated with sleeping alone and the benefits of sleeping with others, especially family members.  I applaud the dad!

Quoting USMCwife0530:

O_o how come?


Quoting SlapItHigh:

I actually think it's fine.



angirose
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 11:47 AM
Quoting SlapItHigh:



So maybe I should've elaborated some then while you applaud the dad... My son is medically challenged. He was born with a syndrome that led him to having a trachia and feeding tube until he was almost 4. His immune system is very fragile. And even tho his father is well aware of all this he continues to be a chain smoker. Putting my son in his space all night long while he reeks of cigarettes isn't healthy for him at all. He comes home sick often...pllus.
I believe in my children being raised to be confident and independant, secure people. Letting them sleep with you only leads to co-dependency ....
But to each their own I guess. I have raised two marvelous young adult sons who show me I have done right by them, so I tend to be pretty confident in my decisions.
angirose
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 11:50 AM
Not to let mention its against the law.... Regardless of your believes. And it is against the law for several reasons.......
rockin2_manyMOM
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:15 PM
1 mom liked this
You are the mother and if you are uncomfortable with it...then you and the ex need to have a si down and figure something out. Perhaps your son just isnt as comfortable at dads house as he is at your home? maybe he really does get scared on his own there? maybe that house makes odd noises? there are tons of factors....or maybe your ex is really just babying the boy.
However...my personal opinion is that it is fine. Now that there is a girlfriend...the boy has his own bed in the same room...That would not bother me a bit. As adults a lot of people dont like to sleep alone. Why should it be any different for children? But, as I said above...you are the mother. He is the father. You two need to figure out something that works for both of you. Good luck!
goddess99
by Michelle on Dec. 10, 2012 at 1:14 PM
1 mom liked this

I think he should be in his own room.

SlapItHigh
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 8:15 PM
It's not against the law.


Quoting angirose:

Not to let mention its against the law.... Regardless of your believes. And it is against the law for several reasons.......

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
SlapItHigh
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 8:21 PM

Honestly based on this reply, it doesn't sound like you are very confident. It sounds like you are getting defensive because I have different opinions than you do. I'm sure you are a great mom! I just have different beliefs. Science doesn't support what you are saying about codependency. I mean think about it -- we don't consider sleeping alone to be beneficial for adults.

Regarding smoking, that seems like a separate issue that would be a problem outside of the cosleeping. What have you done about that?


Quoting angirose:

Quoting SlapItHigh:




So maybe I should've elaborated some then while you applaud the dad... My son is medically challenged. He was born with a syndrome that led him to having a trachia and feeding tube until he was almost 4. His immune system is very fragile. And even tho his father is well aware of all this he continues to be a chain smoker. Putting my son in his space all night long while he reeks of cigarettes isn't healthy for him at all. He comes home sick often...pllus.

I believe in my children being raised to be confident and independant, secure people. Letting them sleep with you only leads to co-dependency ....

But to each their own I guess. I have raised two marvelous young adult sons who show me I have done right by them, so I tend to be pretty confident in my decisions.


angirose
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 9:03 PM


Quoting SlapItHigh:

Honestly based on this reply, it doesn't sound like you are very confident. It sounds like you are getting defensive because I have different opinions than you do. I'm sure you are a great mom! I just have different beliefs. Science doesn't support what you are saying about codependency. I mean think about it -- we don't consider sleeping alone to be beneficial for adults.

Regarding smoking, that seems like a separate issue that would be a problem outside of the cosleeping. What have you done about that?


Quoting angirose:

Quoting SlapItHigh:

after research i admit that there isnt any laws that is specific to "sleeping arrangements" in each home. That would be a matter for the judge to decide.

As far as the research on co-dependency, a study has been done by Sincerity Anna, which states that there is evidence of this behavior of letting your child sleep with you can and often does lead to several adverse effects. But yes as you stated. It is a big difference in the way we must parent. I dont believe it's appropriate for my son to be in the same room with his father and a women. Nor do I believe in letting him sleep in the same bed, or room whether a women was there or not. Simple as that. '

As far as the smoking, I cant control what the xh does to himself but I am working towards making my sons life healthier both here at home and at his fathers.

So yes, I do tend to be a bit defensive when it comes to my son. He struggled very much to make it to the age of 7. Ever day was life or dealth.  And life for him has never normal or easy. And certainly shouldn't be taken for granted. I am trying to change that. My comment wasnt meant to be a personal attack on you. And for that i apologize.  


So maybe I should've elaborated some then while you applaud the dad... My son is medically challenged. He was born with a syndrome that led him to having a trachia and feeding tube until he was almost 4. His immune system is very fragile. And even tho his father is well aware of all this he continues to be a chain smoker. Putting my son in his space all night long while he reeks of cigarettes isn't healthy for him at all. He comes home sick often...pllus.

I believe in my children being raised to be confident and independant, secure people. Letting them sleep with you only leads to co-dependency ....

But to each their own I guess. I have raised two marvelous young adult sons who show me I have done right by them, so I tend to be pretty confident in my decisions.

 


SlapItHigh
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 10:58 PM
1 mom liked this

Hey, I'm just one person on the internet.  I only mention because you asked for our thoughts.  I've done a lot of research into this and there are over 800 studies showing the benefits of parent/child cosleeping.  That said, what you describe that you do for your son sounds reasonable and I'm sure that you are doing a wonderful job parenting him.  I like that you give him snuggles before bed!  Having to coparent after a divorce has to be incredibly difficult.  I hope that you and your x can find a way to work together for the good of your son.

angirose
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 1:55 AM
Quoting SlapItHigh:

Hey, I'm just one person on the internet.  I only mention because you asked for our thoughts.  I've done a lot of research into this and there are over 800 studies showing the benefits of parent/child cosleeping.  That said, what you describe that you do for your son sounds reasonable and I'm sure that you are doing a wonderful job parenting him.  I like that you give him snuggles before bed!  Having to coparent after a divorce has to be incredibly difficult.  I hope that you and your x can find a way to work together for the good of your son.


.


Thank you. I hope so too
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