Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom to Mom Mom to Mom

I sent my fil a pine tree for his loss, too much?

Posted by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 2:38 PM
  • 16 Replies

I got a phone call thursdaymornign from dear mil, she wanted to inform me and my husband that grandma so an so passed away. I've never met anyone in my husbands family besides his immediate family. He has nothing to do with anyone else and very little to do with his own siblings. I thanked my mother inlaw for the information and told her we wouldn't be at the funeral since it was going to be out of state.

talking to my husband about who this lady was he told me his dad was going to be really sad about the fact this lady passed away. I guess it'd the lady who basically raised my fil. My husband didnt show any emotion with the news of her passing, just a feeling of that sucks for my dad.

so I sent his dad who live a few hours away from us a little pine tree ($15) and a note saying we were thinking of him. No big deal I thought. Just letting him know we care without being there or traveling to the funeral.

my question is, what is the appropriate response to this? When someone close to you dies, you go to the funeral if possible. If someone close to someone close to you dies what do you do? 

I don't believe in fb sorrys, or texting condolences, I'm old school that way. But what is a normal reaction to a situation like these? 

My husband thinks its too much.that I shouldn't have done anything at all. But that thought process confuses me. It's something he and I view very differently. I wonder what other people think about sending flowers/gifts/cards to people when someone dies.

by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 2:38 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
sucker4myloves
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 3:04 PM

I think it's a fine idea, but then, I can't imagine not doing anything at all if my father is grieving. But then, we aren't emotionally distant from one another, so I can see how he might feel that way. I think you did well.

MAINSTREAM MOMS Wanna escape the crunch? Join us!

REDNECK MOMMIES Join to commune with your fellow country mamas!



kalie691
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 4:41 PM
2 moms liked this

I think it's really the thought that counted. Whether a pine tree, a poinsetta, flowers, or a basket of muffins, you were saying "I love you and I'm really, really sorry you are going through a rough time". I'm pretty sure he (and definitely his wife) will get that message and appreciate it.

Roll your eyes at your husband. Mine is the same way about that sort of thing. Men and women are just wired different.

chattycassie
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:27 PM

 I think it was great.

 

kim8934
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:32 PM

we do this with flowering trees in our family for close relatives that pass.  A note usually comes with it that states 'when you look at this tree, you will think of your loved one'. 

goddess99
by Michelle on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:06 AM

I think what you did is fine. I might have sent a small bouquet of flowers to the funeral/wake.

gcstar42
by Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:16 AM

I would think a little more like you do. Typically we would send a bouquet of flowers or something like that.  At the very least  I would at least personally call the person (like the fil or whoever was close to the deceased person) .

la_bella_vita
by Silver Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 8:50 PM

 

Quoting goddess99:

I think what you did is fine. I might have sent a small bouquet of flowers to the funeral/wake.

 Ditto

MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Dec. 11, 2012 at 9:22 PM

I think you did great.

delanna6two
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 12:20 PM

I've always known people around me to do it...

tiffs2009
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:21 PM
I think that is sweet.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)