Escaped a bad environment but still have to deal with my son's dad, advice?
ugh. life is so crazy. i left my son's father about two months ago. he was verbally and emotionally abusive and when he got too drunk he was physically abusive to me as well. he's incredibly irresponsible. he sleeps on the couch in his mom's apartment.their family all smoke weed inside 24/7. he loves our son, but most of the time when we lived with him he would just sit in the other room and get high and watch youtube and smoke with his friends while i took care of our son. when i would leave our son with him, he could never go very long with him on his own. he has never ever had our son overnight without me. and once when i left my son under his watch while i went to the bathroom, i came back into the living room and the front door was wide open and my son was five steps out the door, they live in an upstairs apartment so had i not came into the room at that moment my son would have fallen down the stairs and died. this happened a second time under my exbf's mom's watch also. i feel they are too high to watch my son. i know they love him but they care more about getting high then they do about my son's best interests. ive asked them not to smoke in the apartment when my son is there but they refuse. they constantly have bongs and jars of weed sitting out everywhere. my ex's older brother lives with them and sells weed out of their apartment. we currently do not have any official custody orders in place. my ex's name is not on my son's birth certificate but he did sign a paper establishing parentage.
i brought my son over to let him see him a few times after we broke up and things were fine. but the last time i took my son over there, he snatched him up and said he was keeping him and id have to go to court to get him back he then told me to leave and when i refused to leave my son there he called the cops on me. i calmed him down and agreed to what my ex wanted in order for him to call the cops back and tell them not to come. bcuz there is no official custody and were in CA whoever has the baby in their arms can do whatever they want with him. he wanted us to spend the night so i said ok. we spent the day together at the river and he finally calmed down and told us we didnt have to stay the night. i left and have not seen him since. he has since learned that i am dating a man who is stationed at air force base in germany.
my ex and his family want to see my son. i do not trust them. nor do i feel safe with leaving my son with them. i do not know what to do. i feel bad keeping my son away from his dad and other side of the family. any advice would be much appreciated. i should also mention that earlier this year i had a domestic violence restraining order against my ex, but i dropped it bcuz i felt bad that he missed my son learning how to roll over and crawl so i dropped the restrain order and got back together with him. and after 6 months i left him. we are over for good now. but i still have to figure out how to deal with him as he is my son's father