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Holiday Fued Help

Posted by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:01 AM
  • 11 Replies

Sorry that this might be a bit of a rambling mess but I really need a clear perspective.  Several months ago all of my extend family went on a "dream" vacation to Disney.  Of course it was more Griswolds instead of Waltons.  In the end my brother and I ended up in a huge fight because there was an issue with a hotel room that I felt my extended family was trying to bully me, and in turn, my step-children into.  My SIL tried to tell me that I needed to sleep with my girls and my husband needed to sleep with the boys.  I told her just to butt out of it and let the Family take care of it...meaning the blood relation.  Of course that went over well.  So I haven't spoke to my brother since.  I have dropped off gifts for my 2 nieces since for their birthdays.  One of my children's birthday's my parents bought the gift and made it from them, and the other time they dropped off a gift at my parents house.  I have sent my brother a text telling him that I loved him, I missed him and I was sorry.  I also have wished them happy holiday and sent them love at every holiday since.  And I have received nothing in response.  So of course because of this my mother has canceled all holidays.  I have 5 children who are use to having Christmas eve with all of my family and the youngest (4) just wants to be with his grandparents.  However, my parents will not intervene on this and have said that it's between my brother and I.  I don't know that us reconcilingwould even change my mother attitude and at this point.  I'm just tired of the whole thing but I don't want my children to miss out.  It doens't help that my parents are on a very fixed income right now and don't have any money to buy the kids gifts.  Not that my kids care but I know that doesn't help the issue.  So the question is, do I just suck it up and put my big girl panties on and apologize (even though I don't feel that I was totally in the wrong and I feel that my meaning was totally missed in my comment?) or just keep the status quo?

by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
goddess99
by Michelle on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:12 AM

Didn't you already apologize in a text? If you know you didn't do anything wrong and this is just your brother being a baby about things then I'd be done. I would plan something else for the kids to do on Christmas eve. I don't do drama so I probably wouldn't have much to do with that family.

MichelleMc
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:27 AM

I agree with PP. I don't do drama. You already apologized, said you loved him, missed him & he refused to even respond. Heck no.

I don't know why his wife butted in to begin with, stated how sleeping arrangements should be, but that is why I would NEVER go on a vacation with my siblings, LOL, let alone the one spouse. He needs to be the man & man up too. Your mother should see that you have tried & should be on his butt to be apologizing if anything.

My mother understands that my brothers & I don't get along. We do some things together on holidays but really if I said I wasn't coming, My mom would totally get it & we would do something seperate or at another time. Why can't your mom come to your house & then their house? My mom comes here for lunch & goes there to see their presents. No reason to make more stress & drama for anyone. It shouldn't fall all on your shoulders. Hugs.

Drewsmom329
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:38 AM

Thanks Ladies!  @MichelleMc...the reason the SIL butted in is she wanted her daughters to have that room...there were 3 ocean view room all together and then 2 interior rooms that were separated.  I didn't want my 4 kids in a room by themselves with no related adult on either side even though these rooms were all fairly within distance of each other.  My SIL is also an extreme alcoholic.  Of course when they suggested that I sleep away from my husband I promptly told them that wasn't even an option, however, if they would like to do that they were more than welcome since they don't even sleep in the same room when home.  Yes, I've got a bit of a temper when it comes to my kids! :)

MusherMaggie
by Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:57 AM
I would try apologizing again, but if you get no response, you might have to start some new traditions with your family.
MichelleMc
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:25 PM

 

Quoting Drewsmom329:

Thanks Ladies!  @MichelleMc...the reason the SIL butted in is she wanted her daughters to have that room...there were 3 ocean view room all together and then 2 interior rooms that were separated.  I didn't want my 4 kids in a room by themselves with no related adult on either side even though these rooms were all fairly within distance of each other.  My SIL is also an extreme alcoholic.  Of course when they suggested that I sleep away from my husband I promptly told them that wasn't even an option, however, if they would like to do that they were more than welcome since they don't even sleep in the same room when home.  Yes, I've got a bit of a temper when it comes to my kids! :)


Oh got to love the my kids should get & yours shouldn't. And how you should sleep away from your husband. My gosh.

Yeah see I don't get this we have to do everything together thing. No need for it.

I would just have a talk with your mom & say mom, I tried. I shouldn't have to KEEP trying. He should have to. I have told him sorry when it wasn't even my fault. I said I love you & I miss you, he didn't respond to that. Personally, i do NOT take lightly ever someone not responding to I love you. It shouldn't be ignored. You can be mad & said I love you too, but right now I am not talking to you. Fine. But to ignore it, not acceptable. Say Mom, We can start some new traditions. You come here for Breakfast or lunch or whatever YOU ( as in you not your mom ) want, then you can go there to my brothers. That is fine with me. Start with Christmas, and work to Easter.

It is okay to not to everything together. I know the kids miss their cousins, but it isn't worth it to be stress. The kids will sense it & it will be worse.

MamaMoopsie
by Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:20 PM

Well, as none of us were there when the big fight broke out at Disney, none of us can say who was right or wrong. However, I can say that telling your SIL to let the Family handle it was a little out of line. Because your brother married her she IS family. I don't exactly like all of my SIL's, but I know better than to say they aren't family. I'm sure it was a heat of the moment thing. I think what you need to do is sit down and determine if this issue with a hotel room was really worth your relationship with your brother? As for the holidays it might be wiser just to do seperate family things this year. Your parents don't want to be involved in the awkwardness it would be if you all got together before this situation was resolved. Your children will get over it. And you can do things in your own home to make this a very special holiday.

If it were my brother, I think I would probably make at least one more effort to clear the air. You don't have to say you were wrong, but you can apologize for it becoming a big ugly scene and as a result it has driven a wedge between your families.

MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:31 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with both Michelle's.

DarlaHood
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:32 PM

I would get the adults together (or at least you, your brother, and spouses) and just say, I love you.  I don't want anything to come between us ever.  I'm sorry this turned into such a big deal, and I am sure that's not what you wanted either.  But if something were to happen to one of us tomorrow, I don't want to have had something so trivial deprive us of the time we could have spent together as a family.  And I don't want our kids to grow up with a splintered family.  Can we just agree to disagree about what happened and be genuinely sorry that our actions hurt or offended each other?  I would love to put this behind us. 

If they don't take the opportunity, then it probably is always gonna be drama and not a healthy relationship.  If they take the opportunity, don't go on vacations or other outings together without making your own arrangments. 

Good luck!

Drewsmom329
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 2:09 PM

Thanks guy!  All of the results have put my mind to rest on what should be done.  You have all had great suggestions.  Unfortunately with them it's ALWAY Drama.  So I think that I will reach out and make the peace offering.  I doubt that it will make Christmas any different, so we will make plans to enjoy our family. 

splatz
by Sarah on Dec. 13, 2012 at 3:03 PM
I say give apologizing another try (just for your kids sake). If it doesn't work out at least you know you did everything in your power to make things right.
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