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A call from the principle about my 5 yr old!!

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I didn't know how to approach my 5 and 7 year old about what had happened at sandy hook but i wanted to tell them of course but away you would explain it to a kindergartner and a 1st grader. softly i told them that a very bad man had went into a school with guns and killed a lot of innocent kids and teachers. Everyone was constantly talking about how to tell your children but now i wish i just kept it all hidden from them and i feel like this is now all my fault.

the principle called me yesterday and to find out what my 5 yr old said. he was sitting at a table with two girls and out of no where told them he was going to kick there butt and bring a gun to school tomorrow!!!!! and then the tears fell.. how could my child say that, these poor children probably now fearing the worst. Principle basically told him that its unacceptable, not to happen ever again and that there will be consequences. he was truly sorry and cried. i didn't know how to handle this but to just cry. i was in shock.

me and his father has to sit down with him and talk. had to set some major rules and also consequences for his behavior. i just cant believe that was my child.


updated:

first of all i explained to my kids what happened because they heard about it at school and on the news and asked me and i was not going to lie to them.

also the school had pulled drills with the kids all this week with the new safety procedures so before this situation it was discussed with the children what had happened, so not sure now where it came from.

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 7:12 AM
Replies (31-40):
kailu1835
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 1:53 AM
2 moms liked this

Honestly, this sounds like a reasonable response on your 5 year olds' part.  It is why I am not talking to my kids about it.  It is way too much for children to handle, and it's really beyond me why people think our young and innocent children need to have any clue as to what is going on, when it does not directly relate to them.  As in, if your child doesn't go to school in that area, why on earth do they need to know anything about it??

Pink.Frosting
by Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 2:07 AM
1 mom liked this

I never would have talked to a five year old about Sandy Hook.

unsuspected
by Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 3:11 AM
1 mom liked this

He's a baby.  You're the Mommy and you don't know how to deal with this.  

Not just you, no one knews how to deal with this it is unfathomable, one's brain can not wrap around it and what to do next?  We're all grasping.

You need to cut yourself some slack, you're doing your best.  Hug him closer, ask him open ended questions, leave teh door constantly open for him to come to you with is concerns and fears.  Keep doing your best.

I told my 9 year old the news tonight,I've decided not to tell my 5 year olds. And I wish, I wish I could undo all of it.  I wish that wasn't even an option for us ... "Do you ruin our own children's comfort and security?  Do we shatter their world and their version of normal? "  IDK.  I don't know the answers.  I know that my only comfort has been prayer and I am so thankful for my bible!

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” ~Bob Marley
soontobemommy22
by New Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 5:45 AM
I am so sorry! I hope you can firgure this out mama!
butterflycircle
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 7:02 AM

You cannot control what comes out of a childs mouth. I don't let my kids say "stupid, hate, and Oh my God" but when they aren't with me I bet it comes out now and then. I would be in shock too. My son love to play guns. He likes to run around pretneding to shoot everything and everyone. This bothers me and I am not encouraging it. I have told him it is not ok to "shoot" people and not to pretend to shoot at us (his mommy, daddy, sister...) he usually then askes something like "Shooty the potty"... yes you can shoot the potty lol.We don't own a gun and if we did our kids would not know about it. you can never be to safe these days.  I think it is something he will grow out of though. Also I don't let my kids make fun of ppl (like calling names or saing that someone is fat), the other day my son called my mom fat (ask jokingly asked for a piggy back ride and he said no she is to fat). My son is only 2 1/2 he doesn't understand even what it is he is saying. 

I didn't tell my daughter (7yrs) about the shooting and I don't plan on it. She worries enough about everything and this would make it work. Her school has sent a note home reminding parents of the school policies about visitors checking in at the office and stuff and every morning (even before the shooting) there is a police outside of the school for a little while (I think he is mostly there b/c some parents like to park illigeally to drop off their kids, but it is nice knowing he is there).  If my daughter hears something and asks me about the shooting I will explain like you did, that a very bad person did a very horrible thing. 

fairy_fan
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 7:07 AM

Well, he is now 10 and haven't had a problem since.  He has been exposed to even more guns since then.  He has never touched a gun without permission and has never even uttered another threat.  He is actually my most passive, non-agressive child, even though he wants to join the military when he gets older, because he believes in what they do, not just to shoot guns.    

You teach them when they're young.  My grandkids are 5, 4, and 3 and not one of them would even think about touching their dads gun cabinet because they have been taught since they were crawling to stay away from it.    

Quoting StrawberryCool:

And we womder why I dont like guns in homes.

Something now cuz he is five sire he doesnt understand.

What happens when he is 15? And says it?


Quoting fairy_fan:

I had a similar experience.  DH had just bought a new shotgun and also bought YS a BB gun.  A few weeks later YS threatened a girl at school he was going to get his BB gun and shoot her.  She told him it wouldn't hurt so he said he would get his dads shotgun and shoot her in the arm...that would hurt he told her.  The girl reported him and the principal had a long talk with him, of course called me to tell me what happened, and he got an even longer talking to at home with a firm reminder to his butt to remember what they had talked about concerning gun safety.  Haven't had a problem since.



Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.  ~Mark Twain

potgieter
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 8:56 AM

the therapists that were on the radio and tv suggest that parents not tell their kids under the age of 7. But if they found out and asked, there isnt much you can do 


lifeisajoy
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 8:59 AM

Hugs Mama!

MamaMoopsie
by Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 9:04 AM

Kids, especially little boys, try to think of how they would be safest in that sort of situation and will often try to put themselves in the shoes of the "strongest person" or the person with the most power. Obviously, to your son, that would be the man with the gun. He didn't actually want to hurt anyone, he just wanted to be in the place of power so he wouldn't get hurt. This is actually a very typical reaction.

You've done the right thing by sitting down with your son and explaining why what he said was not right and he's sorry. I wouldn't let it go, but probably use this as a lesson in why we shoul always think before we speak. I wouldn't be too hard on him, though. This is a coping mechanism.

maryah84
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 9:18 AM

In my opinion you shouldn't have said anything to a kid that young, we adults couldn't handle the news and if your kid have heard something about it and and asked you, you shouldn't have told him every thing that have happened, you could have only said a bad man went to a school and did bad things that he shouldn't have done an if he asked you more aboutit, you could have tried to gently brush it off. Kids have tons of questions all the time and some of them you cant answer cause the answer might be inappropriate to them so you hidding some things doesn't mean that you are not telling he truth cause you simply are just protecting them.

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