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A call from the principle about my 5 yr old!!

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I didn't know how to approach my 5 and 7 year old about what had happened at sandy hook but i wanted to tell them of course but away you would explain it to a kindergartner and a 1st grader. softly i told them that a very bad man had went into a school with guns and killed a lot of innocent kids and teachers. Everyone was constantly talking about how to tell your children but now i wish i just kept it all hidden from them and i feel like this is now all my fault.

the principle called me yesterday and to find out what my 5 yr old said. he was sitting at a table with two girls and out of no where told them he was going to kick there butt and bring a gun to school tomorrow!!!!! and then the tears fell.. how could my child say that, these poor children probably now fearing the worst. Principle basically told him that its unacceptable, not to happen ever again and that there will be consequences. he was truly sorry and cried. i didn't know how to handle this but to just cry. i was in shock.

me and his father has to sit down with him and talk. had to set some major rules and also consequences for his behavior. i just cant believe that was my child.


updated:

first of all i explained to my kids what happened because they heard about it at school and on the news and asked me and i was not going to lie to them.

also the school had pulled drills with the kids all this week with the new safety procedures so before this situation it was discussed with the children what had happened, so not sure now where it came from.

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 7:12 AM
Replies (71-80):
maryah84
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 4:17 PM

Exactly. Thank you.

Quoting LoveOfWisdom:

You could just turn the tv off. I do watch the evening news, but when my kids start paying attention, it will get turned off. Ill either record it for later or get my news online.

Quoting StrawberryCool:

What part of



SHES NOT SCARED



Did you miss?



So im to just sit and watch Disney Jr all day? Because my dd isnt in school. Shes home all day long.



So no I will not change the news cuz Shes home.




Quoting maryah84:

The news is full of horrifying stuff some are very bloody sometime so u just decide to tell everything to a poor 4 years old girl and scare her, just because you can't stop watching the news while your kid is a home. WOW
I am sorry but I find that very irresponsible.



Quoting StrawberryCool:

My daughter is four and knows.





Im not going to stop watching the news cuz Shes home.














Quoting Bonita131:

Why would you even tell your 5 yr old a man went in a school and killed a lot of innocent kids and teachers? Jesus christ, he's 5, his mind is not ready to hear that kind of shit. All you've done is plant an idea in his head, an idea to him that is more make believe, than it is real.




Never mind you and his father sitting down with him to talk about what "he's" done, you need to apologize to your 5 yr old about how "you" were the reason he got into trouble at school in the first place  then continue your talk.  




Unbelievable.. If you didn't know how to approach your kids about what happened, which is obvious you did not, you should have asked the principal or teachers at the school for advice.







LoveOfWisdom
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 4:20 PM
1 mom liked this
I have no intention of putting my kids in a bubble, but staying appropriate for their age is important. Usually the evening news features stories quickly, but lately its more or less one topic so there isn't really a break. Most of the time they are playing in their room so its a non-issue, but if they wonder out it just gets turned off all together.

Quoting maryah84:

Exactly. Thank you.


Quoting LoveOfWisdom:

You could just turn the tv off. I do watch the evening news, but when my kids start paying attention, it will get turned off. Ill either record it for later or get my news online.



Quoting StrawberryCool:

What part of





SHES NOT SCARED





Did you miss?





So im to just sit and watch Disney Jr all day? Because my dd isnt in school. Shes home all day long.





So no I will not change the news cuz Shes home.







Quoting maryah84:

The news is full of horrifying stuff some are very bloody sometime so u just decide to tell everything to a poor 4 years old girl and scare her, just because you can't stop watching the news while your kid is a home. WOW
I am sorry but I find that very irresponsible.




Quoting StrawberryCool:

My daughter is four and knows.







Im not going to stop watching the news cuz Shes home.



















Quoting Bonita131:

Why would you even tell your 5 yr old a man went in a school and killed a lot of innocent kids and teachers? Jesus christ, he's 5, his mind is not ready to hear that kind of shit. All you've done is plant an idea in his head, an idea to him that is more make believe, than it is real.





Never mind you and his father sitting down with him to talk about what "he's" done, you need to apologize to your 5 yr old about how "you" were the reason he got into trouble at school in the first place  then continue your talk.  





Unbelievable.. If you didn't know how to approach your kids about what happened, which is obvious you did not, you should have asked the principal or teachers at the school for advice.









Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Momniscient
by Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 4:32 PM

He's only five. All the experts I have read said it is a good idea to tell children. Even young ones.

Don't kick yourself too hard.


maryah84
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 4:32 PM
1 mom liked this

I understand your opinion and I'm with you on it. Protecting your kids is not putting them in a bubble, it is very responsible thing to do and that what I was trying to say in my response to her, you just said it better than I did. I will do whatever it takes to keep my kids safe from anything that can harm them in any ways emotionally and physically, Why does any innocent kid in the world would want to know so early about the terrible things outside and live there life scared to get out of house.

Quoting LoveOfWisdom:

I have no intention of putting my kids in a bubble, but staying appropriate for their age is important. Usually the evening news features stories quickly, but lately its more or less one topic so there isn't really a break. Most of the time they are playing in their room so its a non-issue, but if they wonder out it just gets turned off all together.

Quoting maryah84:

Exactly. Thank you.


Quoting LoveOfWisdom:

You could just turn the tv off. I do watch the evening news, but when my kids start paying attention, it will get turned off. Ill either record it for later or get my news online.



Quoting StrawberryCool:

What part of





SHES NOT SCARED





Did you miss?





So im to just sit and watch Disney Jr all day? Because my dd isnt in school. Shes home all day long.





So no I will not change the news cuz Shes home.







Quoting maryah84:

The news is full of horrifying stuff some are very bloody sometime so u just decide to tell everything to a poor 4 years old girl and scare her, just because you can't stop watching the news while your kid is a home. WOW
I am sorry but I find that very irresponsible.




Quoting StrawberryCool:

My daughter is four and knows.







Im not going to stop watching the news cuz Shes home.



















Quoting Bonita131:

Why would you even tell your 5 yr old a man went in a school and killed a lot of innocent kids and teachers? Jesus christ, he's 5, his mind is not ready to hear that kind of shit. All you've done is plant an idea in his head, an idea to him that is more make believe, than it is real.





Never mind you and his father sitting down with him to talk about what "he's" done, you need to apologize to your 5 yr old about how "you" were the reason he got into trouble at school in the first place  then continue your talk.  





Unbelievable.. If you didn't know how to approach your kids about what happened, which is obvious you did not, you should have asked the principal or teachers at the school for advice.










CoffeeMom24
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 4:33 PM

BUMP!

tomatoqueen
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 5:10 PM
3 moms liked this

From many of the statements posted, it is clear that a lot of people have zero idea what kids say when they get to school. I taught at the high school level. When my kids came along, I became a stay at home mom and volunteered in their classrooms from k to graduation. Little kids, 5 and 6 year old know so much more than most of you are giving them credit for knowing. They come to school and air ALL of your dirty laundry. They tell their teachers and friends about the fights you have, the names you call each other, how mommy acts when she drinks, about dad's new girl friend, etc. They also hear the tv when you think they don't and they know what is going on even when you think you have sheltered them. I certainly would have talked to my kids if they were 5 or 7. They have lock down drills and the kids are told why they are having the drills. Maybe you don't want your 5 yr old knowing about a school shooting, but somebody at school is going to talk about it. The same is true of sex. I firmly believe it is better to talk to your own children and impart your value system on their views instead of waiting for others to do it. He has heard someone say that they were getting their butt kicked...I just can't believe the number of posters who think kids don't know these things happen.

lexxie28
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 6:30 PM

That is a totally normal response to from a five year old. Extrapolating what happened in 
CT is almost impossible for a five year old. I think making a big deal out of it would not be the best approach. Simply asking him how he feels right now would be a great start and then asking him how he felt when he was upset at the girls. Then talking about the appropriate ways to handle our emotions. He is only five years old :( He does not understand the gravity of his words.  

MamaGlitterBug
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 6:31 PM
1 mom liked this
I opted to tell my kids. I'd rather this had come from me than another student or school official that wouldn't know how my children may react or answer their questions. I'm very open & honest about my kids with just about everything & they know they can trust me. It's a good thing I did go ahead & tell them seeing as one of the victims is the cousin of two students at our school. Not to mention we had a scare today with a report of a gunman on campus which resulted in 3 schools being locked down & searches in the local neighborhoods. Seems a source from school seen a man with long hair & wearing a trench coat on campus with a gun & reported it.
I would not take back telling my kids. They aren't afraid, worried or anything. I also don't believe in giving them a false sense of security. They know bad people are out there and make bad choices every day, they've been taught stranger danger from a very early age. Spoken to them about good vs bad touching and many other things. It's called an open dialogue and its ongoing. That's best way, IMHO to keep our children as safe as possible.

 I'm Jess...wife to Jared of 11 years...Mama of 4. 3ofmyown+1ofhis=4kids:   Amanda (sd) 12, Amethyst  9 (Pdd-Nos), Isaac 8 (Autism and Epilepsy) & Elijah 5.. I proudly breastfed Elijah until his 4th birthday when he completely self-weaned.  I support Nursing In Public and am anti-vaccines.

Monkeymama930
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 7:04 PM
You have to tell them the schools are telling them the kids are talking about it, and if you don't talk to them then you are relying on outhers to inform or misinform your kids.
JP-StrongForTwo
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 7:19 PM

aww honey. kids his age dont understand the implications behind his words. he didnt mean it in the way we as adults think. he was just angry and didnt know what else to say. 

make sure to have a very serious talk and dont take this lightly though. make sure he KNOWS what he said, and WHY it is bad. 

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