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in law advice

Posted by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 9:19 AM
  • 17 Replies

 OK, so here is my issue with my inlaws... 8 years ago they told my dh that our daughter wasnt his, he kicked us out because of it, she is his child and no I did not cheat on him, they denied her because she was born with really dark hair like I had when I was born.  Since then I have tried over and over again to start fresh with them and it always backfires on me, I have done everything in my power to try to forgive them for hurting me to my core by denying my child, but the more I see them, the more angry I get.  My mil says the most hurtful things to me all the time when my dh isnt in the room.  Her most recent comment was " I never wanted Josh to get married or have children" WTF!!!  What am I supposed to do with that info??  All I could say to her was Sorry??  Nothing I ever do is good enough for them ever, we are supposed to be there for christmas and I dont want to go because i know its going to be hell for me.  I am seriously thinking about getting a divorce because my dh doesnt do anything to make them stop, or to make things better for me,  we moved here in July to be near them and its my living hell.

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 9:19 AM
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by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 9:26 AM
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 Screw that. If he won't stand up for you, then stand up for yourself. Tell that bitch where to shove it.

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 9:28 AM
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get a paternity test and nail it to the front door.
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by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 9:33 AM
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Oh geez! That's awful. I don't think the main problem is with your in-laws. I think it's with your DH. He would take their word over yours concerning your childs legitimacy? He kicked you out? And he puts up with them making you uncomfortable and letting you feel unwanted?

Have you sat down and explained all this? The next time your MIL steps out of line and says something hurtful and hateful I would stand up for myself and say "Well, you can want in one hand and shit in the other and see which fills up faster." lol, so redneck, I know, but it pisses people off and feels pretty good.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but before you do anything about your inlaws, you need to address this situation with your DH. Good luck, hon.

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 9:38 AM
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So before you open gifts stand up and say all I want for christmas is a happy family. I would love to know why I am not accepted in this family. MIL why do you say things like (repeat 3 things she has said .. then call out anyone else). Keep talking dont let them answer... I love my husband and we love our daughter. All I would like is to feel welcomed in this house with the same love and respect you give your son. If I cant have that for Christmas then this is the last time that anyone except Josh will be here. I have been very hurt by your actions and Josh inaction to defend us and Im drawing a line in the sand now. I am not putting up with it any longer. My child will not grow up around people who do not except her or her mother.== Make sure you dont yell, stay calm, as hard as that will be...... Better to have one dramatic Christmas this yr then a crappy gut wrenching one every year. At least thats my opinion.

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 9:52 AM

 whenever I talk to josh about anything regaurding his family, he says that I am reading more into it, or that I need to let it go, or that I have to make everyone else miserable because I am miserable.  He only speaks to me when he is mad at me and then he stops talking cause he says it doesnt matter what he thinks.  I just think moving here was an epic fail on my part. 

by Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:09 AM

im sorry, i hate to say divorce but i would.  If your husband wont stick up for you or blames YOU, than it is not worth it and he WILL NOT change.  He is a momma's boy and will always be like that and stick up for his mom and family.  Your daughter and YOU need to be treated better than this.  If you are constantly stressed out and cant take care of yourself than you wont be able to take care of your daughter.  Please divorce.  File for CS right away and the state may require a paternity test so that way you can stick it to them!  You cant tell me you love your husband after the way he treats you?  You'll probably tell me that he is a great husband and father, but is he really when he treats you and your daughter below his parents?  The stress is not worth it for your health. 

by Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:25 AM

Oh no I'm so sorry *hugs*

I'm going to be honest, but it sounds like the big problem is your DH.  He buys into everything they say it seems and doesn't defend you.  THAT is not right and his family is taking their cue from him.  He needs to step up and put his foot down and defend you to his family.  You should not have to stand up by yourself and he should not be allowing this kind of treatment of his wife and child.  You need to talk to your DH and tell him how you feel before addressing your in-laws. 

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:35 AM

I think its time to tell her what you think of her!

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:36 AM

I would for sure have some words with your husband. I understand that is his mother, but you are his wife & that is his child. He NEEDS to stand up for you. That is UNACCEPTABLE! My MIL has been out of our life, well next month will be 7 years. She treated us very poorly, him worse that me, but our son & me badly. My husband said heck no, It will NOT fly. He said me & our son was plently of family & told her you are done!

by Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:48 AM
This is your husband's fault. You and your daughter are his family now and it is his responsibility to stand up for you. My FIL is a truly horrible person and it took my husband a long time to have the courage to stand up to him. We did not get married until I was confident that he would. You need to address this with your husband in counseling (something else we did before we married that was a truly wonderful experience). If he is not willing to work on this, you may have to consider leaving. You and your child deserve better.
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