Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom to Mom Mom to Mom

why must it be always be about HIM being better than me.....

Posted by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 4:32 PM
  • 25 Replies

I am fed up with the ex always trying to buy my son, or better terms, buying my sons affection with gifts. He spoils him on a constant basis. He can because financially he has no responsiblities except when Our son 7, is with him. In my xh eyes he shouldnt have to pay child support because he has him every weekend.

Anyway, as I stated he always spoils him. Toys, vidoe games, fast food. I admit I am the "less fun" parent. I have my son during the week days, where there is homework, bedtime, chorse, responsiblities, manners and respect for others. When all is done we do have fun too in our own ways.   At dads, its all fun and games, no bed time, no responsiblities. They talk about farts and butts. Its pretty embarressing. 

This christmas he bought him so so so much. Its was really over doing it. I understand I cant control what happens at dads, or even what he buys him or how he lets him act. Heck I couldnt control it when we were married. In fact its one of the major reasons we arent together anymore. But why cant xh see how it effects our son. Hes 7 yrs old and has more than my 23 yr old son does. Seriously. This 7 yr old has, a cell phone (hes had since he was 5), his own lap top, a new galaxy tablet2, a xbox with a connex, a ps2, ipods, dre earphones, numerous vidoe games meant for MATURE PLAYERS, and for ONE of his christmas gifts he bought him a snowmobile. I cant even tell you how many toys he has. 

But this is where it really bothers me. Last night xh text and asks me to talk to my son because he was throwing a fit. Apparently he was being disrespectful or something. IDK because I never got the whole story. But xh wanted me to talk to son and ask him to behave. This has happened at least every other week. I did talk with my son. I didnt discuss the situation because I wasnt there. But i did ask my son to be respectful and act as if he was with me. I think I need to stop doing that and just let the ex deal with what he has created in his home?? my son doesnt act up here with me and know what to exspect and how to behave......What do you all think?? Would that be wrong? 

by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 4:32 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
mich.el.le
by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 4:34 PM
3 moms liked this

I wouldn't help your ex out.  He needs to figure out how to be a good father, not a fun friend.

The woman in the avi pic is not me, she is my inspiration.  I am a wife, a mother, and an aspiring trainer and nutritionist. I love seeing people get fit and healthy to lead the lives they are meant to live.

jbirdsladie27
by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 4:35 PM
3 moms liked this
He created the monster, let him deal.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
goddess99
by Michelle on Dec. 26, 2012 at 5:20 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with the others. He's over stimulated at your exs house, his problem.

VintageWife
by Bronze Member on Dec. 26, 2012 at 5:22 PM
2 moms liked this
Right?

Quoting jbirdsladie27:

He created the monster, let him deal.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jackieb2811
by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 5:38 PM

Hell no I wouldn't help! He did cause his own problems and you should be reminding your ex that giving him everything and never having rules is why!

I deal with the same crap only my twins are not THAT spoiled! Theyare 5yrs old and they go with their dad 2 days a week and to them he is almighty and they can do no wrong. I have them the majority (me and SO) and we do so much for them unfortunately we are the ones that does all the punishments and rules and chores and bedtimes and what not. So going to dads is a vacation. I HATEEEEE the feeling that mom sucks and dad is cool all becuase I have to be the parent. I know it will pay off and in the end they will see it and respect us more. When me and ex were together he never paid them any attention, I fed, bathe, played with them, worried about getting them up for school when they started at 3 I had to do bedtimes and punishments and I was there and still am when they were up sick all night. Everything that was done was for them except I did not work he did but who cares I was there not his ass!

Sorry this topic makes me mad like it does you. I can relate. When ex has a problem he tells me about it like I am supposed to figure it out for him it is annoying but I refuse to let the 2 days they go with their dad ruine all the hard work I did to have them be good, behaved and polite young boys they are!

angirose
by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 5:50 PM


Quoting jackieb2811:

Hell no I wouldn't help! He did cause his own problems and you should be reminding your ex that giving him everything and never having rules is why!

I deal with the same crap only my twins are not THAT spoiled! Theyare 5yrs old and they go with their dad 2 days a week and to them he is almighty and they can do no wrong. I have them the majority (me and SO) and we do so much for them unfortunately we are the ones that does all the punishments and rules and chores and bedtimes and what not. So going to dads is a vacation. I HATEEEEE the feeling that mom sucks and dad is cool all becuase I have to be the parent. I know it will pay off and in the end they will see it and respect us more. When me and ex were together he never paid them any attention, I fed, bathe, played with them, worried about getting them up for school when they started at 3 I had to do bedtimes and punishments and I was there and still am when they were up sick all night. Everything that was done was for them except I did not work he did but who cares I was there not his ass!

Sorry this topic makes me mad like it does you. I can relate. When ex has a problem he tells me about it like I am supposed to figure it out for him it is annoying but I refuse to let the 2 days they go with their dad ruine all the hard work I did to have them be good, behaved and polite young boys they are!

 no need to apologize. Its a hard thing to have to deal with. And even though we both know it will be best for our little ones, Its stil hard to deal with on a daily basis. My xh claims he spoils his son because of all the medical problems he was born with, my son litterally lived in the hosital until he was 3, and couldnt talk until he was 4. But I say he does it because its easier to deal with having him around if hes always occupied. And becaus he is lazy. SO i do believe taking a step back and just ignoring his requests for help with displining him is the best way to deal with this. XH never helped me with my lit guy when it was life or death everyday, but at least this way he has no choice in the matter.

MichelleMc
by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 6:41 PM
1 mom liked this

I hate when people blame medical problems or they were born with/like on how they spoil their kids. Argh. 

However, no way, shape or form would I do that. I would tell your X in NO uncertain terms, You caused your son to act this way at his house. You will NOT accept phone calls about his fits. He has these fits because He has been spoiled with no rules. So X has to deal with it. X needs rules, responsibility & to stop the spoiling period. He needs to be a father not a buddy, which is the best gift he can give his son. Love doesn't come from a present & never has. If he calls about a fit, say I am sorry, You are his father, deal with it. Have a good time, and hang up. 

As hard as it is with the gifts, try to ignore it all. it is already biting him in the ass ( and it will worse once you stop bailing dad out LOL ) and it will in the older years too. Try to ignore that part. Your son will learn that his father is buying his love & you are giving him love. You stick it out momma. Just don't let it get to you, and don't give in to ever trying to out do ( I know you aren't, just saying don't let it weigh on you to go that route LOL ). Just doing what you are doing, which is great. you will be fine :)

angirose
by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 7:01 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting MichelleMc:

I hate when people blame medical problems or they were born with/like on how they spoil their kids. Argh. 

However, no way, shape or form would I do that. I would tell your X in NO uncertain terms, You caused your son to act this way at his house. You will NOT accept phone calls about his fits. He has these fits because He has been spoiled with no rules. So X has to deal with it. X needs rules, responsibility & to stop the spoiling period. He needs to be a father not a buddy, which is the best gift he can give his son. Love doesn't come from a present & never has. If he calls about a fit, say I am sorry, You are his father, deal with it. Have a good time, and hang up. 

As hard as it is with the gifts, try to ignore it all. it is already biting him in the ass ( and it will worse once you stop bailing dad out LOL ) and it will in the older years too. Try to ignore that part. Your son will learn that his father is buying his love & you are giving him love. You stick it out momma. Just don't let it get to you, and don't give in to ever trying to out do ( I know you aren't, just saying don't let it weigh on you to go that route LOL ). Just doing what you are doing, which is great. you will be fine :)

Thank you.....And yes i agree with all you have said!! Im pretty excited about them having to deal on their own......lol

rebeccasmly
by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 7:02 PM
1 mom liked this
He needs to be a father and stop calling you to do the parenting for him.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MichelleMc
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 8:59 AM


Quoting angirose:


Quoting MichelleMc:

I hate when people blame medical problems or they were born with/like on how they spoil their kids. Argh. 

However, no way, shape or form would I do that. I would tell your X in NO uncertain terms, You caused your son to act this way at his house. You will NOT accept phone calls about his fits. He has these fits because He has been spoiled with no rules. So X has to deal with it. X needs rules, responsibility & to stop the spoiling period. He needs to be a father not a buddy, which is the best gift he can give his son. Love doesn't come from a present & never has. If he calls about a fit, say I am sorry, You are his father, deal with it. Have a good time, and hang up. 

As hard as it is with the gifts, try to ignore it all. it is already biting him in the ass ( and it will worse once you stop bailing dad out LOL ) and it will in the older years too. Try to ignore that part. Your son will learn that his father is buying his love & you are giving him love. You stick it out momma. Just don't let it get to you, and don't give in to ever trying to out do ( I know you aren't, just saying don't let it weigh on you to go that route LOL ). Just doing what you are doing, which is great. you will be fine :)

Thank you.....And yes i agree with all you have said!! Im pretty excited about them having to deal on their own......lol

No problem. He needs to step up & be a dad. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)