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for those of you that have been through this.....Update

Posted by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 3:08 PM
  • 24 Replies

Does your man curse, tell you to shut up etc, in front of your kids? I understand my man is stressed and tired and he has been working nights 7 days a week. He is a wonderful husband, my bestest friend ever and a wonderful daddy. Im very lucky to have this man. but over something little and stupid that we argue about, he told me to shutup in front of my 4 yr old today and dropped a F-bomb. I told him not to talk to me like that in front of my daughter and he told me to shutup again and walked out of the room. Serously? There is no exuse for that. I grew up with my dad as an alcoholic and he and my mom constantly fighting and my dad never hit my mom but he pushed her alot. I know my husbands parents argued alot when he was young and still do but never physical. It bothers me cause i never wanted my man to be like that with me in front of my kids. Any of you experienced this?

So i brought it up to him this morning while my baby was asleep and my daughter was at school. I told him that i know i havent been innocent in the past either(he rolled his eyes at me) cause i know he didnt wanna hear it. I told him that i know you are tired and stressed from work. When we are disagreeing over something if you would please not talk to me in front of the kids like that. He says "quit sayin stupid things all the time ". I said that it dont bother me when the kids arent around cause it dont. I said it again..please dont talk to me like that around the kids. I grew up with it and i dont want that with my kids. He brought up a bunch of crap that didnt have anything to do with it and i looked at him again and said that none of that matters. All i asked you was that if you would not talk to me like that around the kids. i just looked at him and walked out of the room before i blew up. I was mad. I was eating a sandwich and got pissed and threw it in the trash cause i lost my appitite. Grrrrrr. i went in the other room to fold laundry cause i clean when i get mad.After a hour, im in the kitchen loading the dishwasher and he comes in there and says something about the sandwich in the trash(normaly he gets pissed and yells). He said something about it but was totally cool. He looks at me and says " i will try not to do that stuff around them". Im thinkin..yeah right. But oh well. It took an hour for it to get through that hard head. Its cool now but that boy had my blood boiling all over again. Thanks everyone for the support. :). I knew i wasnt wrong for feeling how i did but its nice to hear it from you guys.


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by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 3:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MamaMoopsie
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 3:24 PM
2 moms liked this

He needs some down time before you address this (you probably both do). My DH would NEVER talk to me like that. I wouldn't put up with it. We've had one fight in five years that we even raised our voices in but we didn't cuss at each other and we didn't tell each other to shut up. We've had plenty of disagreements, but I would NEVER let him talk to me that way and I would never talk to him that way.

So give him some time, then talk to him about his language and the way he spoke to you like you were worthless.

OliviasMommy611
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 3:31 PM
You need to have a serious come to Jesus meeting. That is not okay.
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kbarendt
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 3:36 PM
1 mom liked this
I grew up around abuse and it has def. Changed my life greatly... I know and undersyand that everyone has a bad day but tryto avoid that in front your child. I have had a couple of friends in similar situations and their children actually started mimicking their actions... Like I said noone is perfect and maybe its just a bad day but I would for sure tell him to take a walk and sit down and talk to him about it because you dont want your child thinkong they can talk to you like that!
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DixieFlower
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 4:48 PM
1 mom liked this

My husband used to be that way and I quickly explained to him that it would not be tolerated in our home especially with our children present. That if he couldn't speak like a rational adult that has language skills then he was free to leave. Because honestly that is verbal abuse.

Mrs.Bolin
by Gold Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 5:00 PM

i know, its like when i do get ticked and tell him he just dont want to hear it. He is bout to get my foot up his butt if he dont quit. He dont do it all the time but its no exuse

Quoting OliviasMommy611:

You need to have a serious come to Jesus meeting. That is not okay.


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OliviasMommy611
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 6:06 PM
Good luck

Quoting Mrs.Bolin:

i know, its like when i do get ticked and tell him he just dont want to hear it. He is bout to get my foot up his butt if he dont quit. He dont do it all the time but its no exuse


Quoting OliviasMommy611:

You need to have a serious come to Jesus meeting. That is not okay.


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goddess99
by Michelle on Jan. 7, 2013 at 6:39 PM

No I can honestly say no man has ever talked to me like that. They probably thought I would have punched them in the face and I would have so no one has tried it with me.

artistmom27
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 7:15 PM
2 moms liked this

I know I am going to be the unpopular one to say this, but it is because of how you lived as a kid you are sensitive. I grew up in a similar situation and I would freak out and feel victimized every time someone acted like that to me.
You need to sit with your man and talk to him about how the children cannot see that type of treatment. You then ask him how would he feel if he saw a man talk to his daughter that way. He will buck and rear about it, but if you keep calm, he should too. If you can, get him to create a "safe" word for when he is too tired and irratable to really address anything that might set him off. Then make sure you have a plan to walk in the other room and have it out away from your child if there is a time it will happen. Also, remember to "fight fair", it is best to talk about what is going on, instead of fighting about them when they get to the boiling point. You have to remember that he is still human and there are going to be days where he doesn't mean to bite your head off, but he does anyways.  If this happens where he has an "accident", don't get upset and storm off. Follow him into the other room and tell him that you know he didn't mean to but he did snap a bit. He needs to walk out in front of your child and apologize to you and her and have him explain to her that it is not okay for daddy to talk to mommy like that and he "was bad".

This is a long process but if both are willing to work on it, you can do it. Also, remember the value of patience. I promise you it works because my fiancee and I do it.

Mrs.Bolin
by Gold Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 7:56 PM

Thanks :) That is exactly how i feel. I know this man will never do anything to intentionally  hurt me but he does need to know that it upsets me and hurts. and that he better stop being an ass around my kiddos

Quoting artistmom27:

I know I am going to be the unpopular one to say this, but it is because of how you lived as a kid you are sensitive. I grew up in a similar situation and I would freak out and feel victimized every time someone acted like that to me.
You need to sit with your man and talk to him about how the children cannot see that type of treatment. You then ask him how would he feel if he saw a man talk to his daughter that way. He will buck and rear about it, but if you keep calm, he should too. If you can, get him to create a "safe" word for when he is too tired and irratable to really address anything that might set him off. Then make sure you have a plan to walk in the other room and have it out away from your child if there is a time it will happen. Also, remember to "fight fair", it is best to talk about what is going on, instead of fighting about them when they get to the boiling point. You have to remember that he is still human and there are going to be days where he doesn't mean to bite your head off, but he does anyways.  If this happens where he has an "accident", don't get upset and storm off. Follow him into the other room and tell him that you know he didn't mean to but he did snap a bit. He needs to walk out in front of your child and apologize to you and her and have him explain to her that it is not okay for daddy to talk to mommy like that and he "was bad".

This is a long process but if both are willing to work on it, you can do it. Also, remember the value of patience. I promise you it works because my fiancee and I do it.


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SlapItHigh
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 11:44 PM

No mine doesn't.  So sorry you are going through this.

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