Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom to Mom Mom to Mom

Please help.. I don't know what to do anymore. *Edit*

Posted by   + Show Post

I thought that since my son had a good day and got through his homework quickly I would surprise him with some time playing the Angry Birds game. After an hour of playing I thought it was time to change up and have him play with his toys. He decided that he was going to fight me because he wanted to play more Angry Birds. So I started by warning me that he would get a time out. Then he kept going. He started screaming at me so I told him that after his timeout he would lose the remaining TV time he had left (20 minutes out of 90). He started telling me how I was a bad mom and he hated me; and then decided he was going to throw things and so I told him he was going to lose his toys for the night. He started saying things like he hated me and wanted to move away... I am trying to be firm but when he said that I cried. How do I stay the firm disciplinarian without the hurt?


*Edit* We decided to reduce his game time. He now turns his own timer on for 35 minutes and when it is up, he gets off his game without fighting. He does ask for more time, but when I say no, he does not throw fits. He has even stopped hitting again, and I have only had to put him in time out once since for not following another rule of the house. Thank you everyone for your advice! :) 

by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 2:09 PM
Replies (21-30):
maggie13
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 7:53 PM

I understand that your therapist recommended the angry birds and the warnings. Maybe you should bring it up to them at his next session. Our little one is only 1 1/2 years old and gets this way without the verbal stuff of course but we now count down to the end of whatever she might be absorbed in. At the end of the count down, we will have her help gather, move, or shut down the tv (she likes clicking the buttons on the remote). But again, I would ask her therapist if there is anything they can show you, help you, or recommend in place of the dirty birds too since that seems to have his whole concentration. The best of luck with it all. Take care.


nikkisgwen
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 10:13 PM

There is nothing wrong nor violent about angry birds. My 7 year old step-daughter who also has developmental delays has an issue here and there when it comes time to get off of the laptop. If she gets nasty about it then she will not get the laptop the next day. I will remind her quite a few times through the day why she is not getting it. I also made it a rule that she is not allowed to on go until a certain time so that she is only on for a few hours. You have to stand your ground no matter what it is he is getting nasty about. I am a firm believer in consequences for bad behavior but you have to stick with it and not give a million chances. He will learn that if he is mean and doesn't listen that he will lose things. Do not let him see that what he says hurt you, just say "yeah, yeah being mean will get you no where".

Venae
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 10:14 PM

No more Angry Birds - ever.  He obviously can't handle video games.


BUTMUNCH
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 10:41 PM

Tell him if he keeps it up he will never play angy bird again... Or with the device that has the angry bird... Should make him play with his toys first then with angry bird an hour before he goes to bed.

KJH78
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 11:25 PM
A couple things we use are transitions and the love and logic techniques. For the transitions I give my daughter the option of being done with a task/play now or does she want another minute. You can start with 5 or 10 'minute warning and give a update on the time left if they are really doing something they enjoy. The idea behind love and logic is it puts the behavior back on the kid so you're not the bad guy they made the choice. You just give two options of which you don't care which they pick. In any case no worries mom you gotta teach him to listen.....discipline is teaching.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Lcherniske
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 11:40 PM
My son is almost 5 too and loves that game. I did find that letting him play longer then 20 min. Or so once or twice a day and he would become obsessed. One thing i have learned about setting time limits is that it is harder when the child is watching a movie or playing a game. It is better to say- next time you die (in the game) you need to be done. As for him seeing you upset, that is ok. He needs to learn empathy and that his actions and words have consequences. Just talk about it afterward and stick with the consequence. I would make him stay in his room until he could be nice and say no angry birds tomorrow. Also- they have angry bird games that are hands on regular games and my son loves that too. I am a behaviiral therapist and we found an "angry bird social story" you can print out and fill in together online. It talks about what to do when you are angry rather then hitting.


Quoting artistmom27:

He has a timer that we put so he doesn't acciently exceed his limit, it also has a 2 minute warning. This is a common practice and the rule/consequences system is not only known by both, we also have it written and posted on the wall. He knows he was out of line. He knew he is only allowed an hour of any type of digital stimulation.


Quoting rgba:

First off, I would start giving him shorter times for video games--it sounds like they may set him off.

I would also recommend giving him very clear rules from the start.  You may have caught him off guard by suddenly wanting him to "change it up."  Next time, specify that he can play Angry Birds for x many minutes.  5 minutes before time is up, start giving him warnings that his time is almost up.

In the meantime, let go of the hurt.  He was just mad.  It sounds like you both got a little out of control, and that you kept piling discipline upon discipline without warning.




Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
zacmacsmomm
by Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 8:06 AM

I gave my kids "choices" such as "you have two choices, eat your dinner or you chose to go hungry for the night" or "do your school work or choose to loose the TV for a night" stuff like that.  It put the ball in their court and they were forced to be held accountable for their actions.  All kids are different, and what works for one does not always work for another.  Best of luck

Basherte
by Bronze Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:29 AM

It will still hurt. Just realize that he doesn't really mean it. He's just speaking out of frustration and upset.

He loves you. You know this. It's also a tool to get what he wants. 

Stay firm, until it's over then go to your room and cry, if you need to. 

hugs

It is really hard.

orngblsm
by Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 2:15 PM
You need to toughen up, honey! If you are losing it over what he says at age 5, how do you expect to survive the teen years? Your job is to be his parent, and that means making him behave and teaching him that some behavior is simply not acceptable. The entire "I hate you" thing is emotional manipulation. Once you realize that you are being manipulated by a 5-year-old, emotionally it steels you to do what you have to do because you are THE ADULT. I have a special needs child as well. They present an entire new set of learning challenges, and that means that you need to stay even stronger. I have had my kids tell me they hate me. Even though my heart breaks to hear it, I never let them see that. It gives them too much power. Instead, I get up close, look them dead in the eyes, and tell them, "I don't care. I love you anyway. And you are still not getting your way." This does two things. 1) It takes the fun out of their game because "mommy doesn't care if I hate her." 2) It reassures them that no matter what, you will love them anyway and will hold them to your boundaries. They don't think they need that, but they do. Amazingly, if you focus on loving them without reciprocation, it takes the sting out of their words. We all want our kids to love us and like us. However, that is not what being a parent is about. Being a parent is about teaching our children, and a lot of the time, that means that they are not going to like us because we are teaching them to behave in unselfish ways which is contrary to human nature. So when they call you a bad mom for enforcing the rules and boundaries, it means that you are doing something RIGHT! Bad mothers don't care and let their kids do whatever they wish without restriction. Good ones don't. You fall in the later category. Plus, he is only five, what does he know about being a parent and how much experience does he have? So, keep up the good work, mom! Stay firm no matter what he says or does. It is challenging, but life doesn't give us anything that we can't handle. (Even if you think you can't, you would be surprised.) You can do this.
Mommynay2
by Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 5:22 PM
Hi I can relate to these issues. I think it's great to reward him for good behavior. Here is some advice, when the time is getting close to being over you should warn him. Set a time limit on things. So he knows what to expect. Next warn him if he has a hard transition that he won't get the privilege after. I would set up a routine for him with expectations and rewards for meeting them. As far as being emotional that's just who you are and maybe you can tell him how you feel when he says unkind things. Another thing is to criticize the behavior, don't say you are a bad boy or anything like that. Like for this instance you should say that you didn't like how he behaved when you asked him to get off the game. As far as not feeling bad with discipline, I have no clue about that one. My son has ADHD, Bipolar and we got through it but he was diagnosed with a conduct disorder. Things are better now but it was a hard and long process. See with my son's disabilities (he's also mildly retarded) he gets in moods, and I can understand his behavior and his actions. I just can't condone it and it has to be corrected. It doesn't feel good but I know it needs to be done. Try not to take things personal, when my son would say unkind things, I would just calmly say, "No thank you." He hated that, he would try to say even more unkind things, even saying I was just like his father that hit me hard. I just said, "No thank you." And he stopped. When you put your foot down with kids they tend to act out more. Staying consistent is the key. And when my son was throwing toys I took the toys out of his room and set realistic expectations to earn them back. Try to work with him on using coping skills when he gets angry. Reward him with privileges for using them. Like if he gets mad and responds to redirection, like telling him to take space or even using a screaming pillow. Then give him a set amount of time to play Angry Birds. Well I hope this helps, message me if you want. Have a good night.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)