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HELP- tricky family situation!!

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Hi there, I'll try to keep the recap as brief as possible: (I am a married mother of two and older than my sis)

My 28 yo sister is mother to my 1 year old nephew. She's the baby of the family and she's always been very irresponsible and (sometimes criminally) immature. We all kind of held our breath when she told us she was pregnant, hoping that being a mother would make her more responsible/mature, or at the very least that her son wouldn't suffer too much damage.  We were sadly disappointed. 

1) She was told by our father that after having her son she would need to look for childcare. (Quote: Your mom and I are not going to be a free babysitting service). For SIX months she dropped her son off everyday at my mother's house for upwards of 10-12 hours (to be fair she was usually going to work). When queried about finding permanent daycare she would hem and haw about not being satisfied, needing to consult with fiancee, etc.

2) After being fired from her job (and lying to us about it) she continues to drop her son off with my mother at least once a day so she can "run errands". My father finally put his foot down and told her that she would have to limit it to an hour or two, once or twice a week.

To be honest, she's always been like this. The world revolves around her and she's not afraid to rip apart our family to make sure everything goes her way. We've gradually just accepted her terror and don't ask or expect rational behavior from her.  But THIS was my final straw:

On Saturday she decided to take her son into the tanning salon with her. The girl at the front offered to watch my nephew, but my sister declined saying, "I'm not going to close the lid he'll be fine." My nephew proceeds to shimmy behind the tanning bed and stick his hand in the exhaust fan. He's now in the hospital awaiting amputation of his finger. I called my sister to try and express some sympathy (since only a psychopath wouldn't feel bad about allowing their child to be mutilated). I asked her some questions and she was understandably emotional. 

I guess my question is this: at what point do I tell my sister to grow the f*** up and be a mother? Pull on the big girl panties and be strong for your son- he gets to be scared and cry, you don't.


Any help/advice would be appreciated. I know I don't have room to list the littany of events that led up to her being classified as completely irresponsible, but I hope you'll trust that I'm not exaggerating. Imagine a stereotypical self-absorbed, Jersey-shore esque, high school dropout with a severe case of the "entitlements" and a compulsive shopping habit.

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 3:09 AM
Replies (11-16):
splatz
by Sarah on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:58 AM
I agree. And hopefully this does happen.

Quoting DixieFlower:

Honestly she might just get a wake up call at the hospital. Because the circumcstances surrounding her son getting hurt might have someone on the medical staff calling CPS.

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macmamba
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:19 PM

Update:

The wedding went off as planned. She got her expensive wedding, complete with designer ($5K) gown, makeup artists, hair stylists, cake and etc. I gave my toast (rewritten at the last minute) and tried to smile and said an inner prayer that she would be a better mother to my nephew. I'm not hopeful. The day of her wedding she went tanning and yelled at me and another bridesmaid for offering (several times) to change my nephew's hand bandage (which was unravelled). 

My husband said it best: She's a selfish and immature human being who is only capable of verbalizing the concepts of love, sacrifice and parenting. She is not capable of putting them into practice. If we are lucky, [my nephew] will recognize it at an early age and move away quickly.

Sorry I can't update more positively. I wish I could say that a mother's love transcends our own worst characteristics, but it doesn't. I wish love and happy memories to all the mommies out there!

blueeyes2000
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:03 AM
Sounds like your sister care about just herself. Hopefully your nephew will heal.
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blueeyes2000
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:04 AM
Did the hospital get hold of CPS?
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Momma-2boys
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:04 PM
I would talk to her. If it causes a fight who cares she need to realize you are trying tohelp. Or call CPS about all the incedent maybe that will help if she gets scared about maybe losing her kid.
im_2_xblessed
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 7:50 PM
Ask her since she is busy and not ready to take care of her son, if you or your parents can adopt him. If she says yes you can adopt him take her to a lawyer and have sign over her rights...
If not the suggest she needs to wake up and take care of him the right way and that it would be in his best interest to be taken care of if not by her.( by yours parents or by you if possible) that way she can have all the time with her husband and not have to worry nor care any more then she does now for him. And he will have consent love and attention and proper care about him.
Good luck and God Bless the little guy
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