Hi there, I'll try to keep the recap as brief as possible: (I am a married mother of two and older than my sis)
My 28 yo sister is mother to my 1 year old nephew. She's the baby of the family and she's always been very irresponsible and (sometimes criminally) immature. We all kind of held our breath when she told us she was pregnant, hoping that being a mother would make her more responsible/mature, or at the very least that her son wouldn't suffer too much damage. We were sadly disappointed.
1) She was told by our father that after having her son she would need to look for childcare. (Quote: Your mom and I are not going to be a free babysitting service). For SIX months she dropped her son off everyday at my mother's house for upwards of 10-12 hours (to be fair she was usually going to work). When queried about finding permanent daycare she would hem and haw about not being satisfied, needing to consult with fiancee, etc.
2) After being fired from her job (and lying to us about it) she continues to drop her son off with my mother at least once a day so she can "run errands". My father finally put his foot down and told her that she would have to limit it to an hour or two, once or twice a week.
To be honest, she's always been like this. The world revolves around her and she's not afraid to rip apart our family to make sure everything goes her way. We've gradually just accepted her terror and don't ask or expect rational behavior from her. But THIS was my final straw:
On Saturday she decided to take her son into the tanning salon with her. The girl at the front offered to watch my nephew, but my sister declined saying, "I'm not going to close the lid he'll be fine." My nephew proceeds to shimmy behind the tanning bed and stick his hand in the exhaust fan. He's now in the hospital awaiting amputation of his finger. I called my sister to try and express some sympathy (since only a psychopath wouldn't feel bad about allowing their child to be mutilated). I asked her some questions and she was understandably emotional.
I guess my question is this: at what point do I tell my sister to grow the f*** up and be a mother? Pull on the big girl panties and be strong for your son- he gets to be scared and cry, you don't.
Any help/advice would be appreciated. I know I don't have room to list the littany of events that led up to her being classified as completely irresponsible, but I hope you'll trust that I'm not exaggerating. Imagine a stereotypical self-absorbed, Jersey-shore esque, high school dropout with a severe case of the "entitlements" and a compulsive shopping habit.