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mommy needing support ane advice

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Hello my name is Candice. I'm a proud mommy of three beautiful children. Im new here and was wondering if i could maybe get some advice.
My ten yr old is out of hand latley. Its getting hard physically, emotionaly, and mentaly to handle him anymore. I feel at my breaking point. Sometimes i even think to myself that it might be easier sending him to my moms to live. But im in fear that he would cause her stress. He doesn't want to listen. He does what he wants to. He talks and treats me like im dumb:(
He picks on his two youger sisters. Constantly argues wity my partner and i.
I feel like im stretching myself thin just to please him. While the rest of the family suffers. :(
Does anyone have any advice?
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by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 9:41 PM
Replies (11-20):
mommyof2andTTC
by Alicia on Jan. 28, 2013 at 4:16 PM
1 mom liked this

 Ah see thats where my advice may be a little weird... i think boys need to spend more time with dad then they do with mom because they seem to listen to dad a lot more... my best friends mom had to send her son to live with his dad because he was getting out of control,, now the kid is in college to become a doctor... i mean is his dad around? a lot of it could be pent up anger from missing him or even that you 2 split up... did you try asking him why he is so bad? hes trying to get attention the bad way... i hope it gets better... IM NOT TRYING TO TELL YOU TO SEND HIM AWAY THOUGH IM JUST TRYING TO TELL YOU WHAT I HAVE SEEN THAT SEEMS TO WORK...

Mommy of 2 girls & TTC #3 twin girls & baby dust

Janet
by Ruby Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 4:46 PM

 Have you had him tested for anything like ADHD?

MTSuperMomof4
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 6:32 PM
4 moms liked this

Hi!
I have a 6 yr old son who is/was defiant, mouthy, wouldn't listen worth a darn and would say things that were super hurtful. After talking with some friends and some research, we switched to a gluten free diet....and wouldn't you know it- a WHOLE new child. He was courteous. Not everything I said was a fight. We just tried it this weekend so today against my gut feeling I let him eat lunch at school instead of packing a lunch. The child who came home from school is a crab and he is back to his old ways. Now I realize this isn't for everyone and it is a major lifestyle change...but not everything can be fixed by discipline or a reward system. Believe me, I have tried for 3 years.  You can bet that I have gluten free bread baking and that his lunches will be packed by me everyday. He is still a 6 year old boy with is own opinions and such but not every detail of my day is a fight. 

Hope all works out for you. 

Kim042269
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 2:52 AM
4 moms liked this

You have to set firm limits that you stick to, even if you don't feel like it. Why are you trying to please a 10 year old? Your job isn't to please him, it is to set limits, teach self-control, and enforce consequences. Not an easy job, but you have to do it. If he's out of control, barring any mental health issues, it's likely because there are underlying issues going on that you have to find and resolve, and that he has learned that he doesn't have to behave. I find it strange and a little disturbing that you would consider sending him to live with your mom an option. First, she did her job, and it's not her job to clean up your messes. Second, the message to your son is, if you cause problems for me, I'm sending you away... that is going to make anyone feel insecure! I advise you to get counseling and some sort of training on effective parenting. And stick by your kid - he's yours.

Kellyjude1
by Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 1:27 PM

  I am so sorry for what you must be going through.  I think first off the most important thing is open communication.  Sit down with your son and try and find out why he is behaving this way.  Let him know you love him and only want the best for him.  Tell him he can come to you and open up about anything allowing him to feel comfortable and getting his feelings out to you just in case something is bothering him.  Let him know how much your feelings are hurt because of his actions.  Right now it sounds like he needs boundaries and rules.  He needs consequences for his actions.  You need to be in control and not let him.  He should never disrespect you.  You need to get contol of this now before it gets any worse.  He does what he wants to because he can and you allow it.  He needs to listen to your rules.  If he breaks a rule then there should be a consequence.  If he does well with his behavior then you need to praise him.  Find out some of his interest and spend some quality time together hopefully this will help the two of you bond together instead of feeling like the two of you don't get along.  I hope some of this advice helps.  If you feel he needs more help then I would suggest talking to his doctor.  I hope things get better....

aprilz1225
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 1:36 PM

 my borther did this to my parents... they took everthingn from him only left a dresser and matress (no bed) it took a while but he got the point and started respecting more. they were all in a pissing match it seemed.lol

MissyLucas
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:24 AM
1 mom liked this

 okay I feel like I am reading the story of my life right now. My son is 10 almost 11 I was struggling so much and unwilling to let anyone help. I was to proud and I know that now. Seek a Therapist. Ours has helped so much. My son was disrupting our house so much and I was so stressed I couldn't even think straight much less go anywhere with him. DO NOT LET HIM PICK OUT HIS OWN PUNISHMENT!!! I can't stress that enough. We had to go to extremes with my son and we are just now coming out of the horrible parts. We actually had a family dinner with everyone and laughed for the first time in years. When he misbehaved we now take EVERYTHING except his bed(and covers) and a Bible away from him. He has to earn them back. If he doesn't help clean up after dinner he has a peanut butter sandwich the next night. We put him on medicine to help him control himself at school during the day (the teacher have notice a difference) He is put on a strict schedule. When he disrupts the house he is sent to his room for the night. My son was playing on our emotions when we would get angry and upset and try to get him to care and make him the center stage it was exactly what he wanted. This is all things that we learn from his Therapist. I know it is extreme but it is working.

She also says do not reward for the things you expect him to do(ex- have manners, flush the toilet, behaving in school, clean up his own mess, and not hit his sisters) She explained it perfectly... She said "if someone hits you everyday then they stop for one day you wouldn't say hey thanks for not hitting me today you expect them not to hit you all the time" I think she made it sound better but I hope that you get the point.

jennie2263
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:55 AM
1 mom liked this

I would suggest a child psychologist. They could possibly help shed some light on what is going on with him. Just a thought but it helped my DSS to learn better communication and respect also. Our lives have been much easier since he started going. He is only 7 though. Good luck!

mehamil1
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:40 AM

Why would you stretch yourself thin to please a child who is misbehaving and being disrespectful to the whole household? That's one thing I have never understood. My kid has similar problems but I have never gone out of my way to please him when he's acting like an asshole. You need to get stricter boundaries and enforce them. 

LisaSmock
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 2:04 AM
My son 4 is getting out o control some one told me to not say I'm going to do something unless I mean it. I had a talk with him lastnight about how food, clothes , a nice place to sleep and love where all free but all the toys , TV and other stuff is extra and he will lose that stuff if he can't do what he is told. Today he was very bad when we went out to eat. So when we got home I went in his ro and took his TV out. He didn't say anything he just looked at me. He knew why it was gone.
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