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Depressed SAHM moved to new city for Husband's work.

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 4:11 PM
  • 14 Replies

Hello all. So my husband and I used to be adventurous and kind of partiers. When he got this job we thought it was a great opportunity to move somewhere else and have a new adventure. Just two weeks after moving 300 miles from our friends and family I found out I was pregnant. If we were to plan a pregnancy, I'm certain we'd stay near home.

Upon this news we realized we wanted to move closer to oru families so he got a transfer to the northern division so we were only 1 hour from home. He then got promoted, and with a new baby we thought it'd be better for the security.  It might be fun to move to a big city. Now that we've been her for four months I can't stand it. My family is full of new babies the same age as my 1 year old, i keep missing birthdays and my niece and nephew growing up who lived with me and my family since they were babies.

I'm shy but certainly not an introvert. I know I need people around me but people I'm comfortable with. I hole up in my house with my baby, try not to cry in front her. I've been to the emergency room for anxiety pain making me think I'm about to die or have a heart attack. I can barely breathe everyday. I'm so painfully morose I'm not sure what to do. My husband thinks its silly, his philosophy on life is "then just stop it."  He's doing great at work, advancing and beloved my his co workers and then comes home to this sad sack.

Would it be incredibly selfish for me to demand we move back for my sanity? My dad wants to retire and said he'll hand the family business over to my Husband so it's not like we'd be back at square one, and it's a hugely successfull business with the potentional to be even more lucrative if moeny is the prime issue here. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 4:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
goddess99
by Michelle on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:06 PM
1 mom liked this

Idk what I would do. It would help if your dh was more understanding. Here's a BUMP. I hope someone can help.

jupiter5
by Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 6:05 PM

i would move back near family, thats the most important thing, and its affecting your health its a no brainer if he loves you he will see that

MarlaMet
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 3:08 AM

BUMP!

belleher90
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:06 AM

 if he still has a chance of making good money if he moves back with u then i dont see why he wont......if he sees how depressed u are then he should definately take u back home, especially if u have already been to the hospital because of it. Thats serious and he needs to ultimatley think of u and ur child...not work. I beleive familly comes first... before anything cause jobs come and go but his familly will always be there.

SlapItHigh
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:19 AM

Hugs, I would want to be near family too. I wouldn't "demand" that you move but I would definitely keep discussing it and make your desires known. It doesn't sound like your husband is caring much about your needs. Hopefully that would change with further discussion. 

lonncon
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:09 AM

 I would find out why your husband doesn't want to move.  He must have reasons that he isn't on board with you and how you feel.  I was a military wife/mom and we were moving all over the country and out of the country at one point.  It wasn't easy being separated from my family either, especially when my father passed away while we were in Europe.  I had to cling to certain ideas like "bloom where you are planted," to get through some holidays and events we missed out on.  I think once you're married and start a family with someone else, your lives should be about what is best for you, your husband and child, first.  I can't help think he may have reasons that are preventing him from making the move?????  He made a move to be closer to family before, so there must be a stopper this time.  I hope it all works out for you and that you can find peace no matter  how this evolves. 

erikadi
by Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:10 AM
1 mom liked this

That is definitely an option. In the mean time, I would go to therapy and go on medication. It really helped me out.

shadow_lark
by Bronze Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:17 AM
1 mom liked this
Yea, actually it would be selfish. From your open it sounds like you aren't even trying to help yourself. You are just wallowing in self pity and letting the depression spiral out of control. Make an effort to get out. Make some friends, do something for yourself daily, and talk to your doctor about this. Don't make your Dh give up an opportunity because you refuse to try and better your own attitude.
And before you start whining to me about it, yes, I've been there. I've been in and out of severe depression. It takes work to get over it.
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Janet
by Ruby Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:35 AM

 Have you talked to him about your dads company yet?

boshs1andonly
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:41 AM
Quoting shadow_lark:

Yea, actually it would be selfish. From your open it sounds like you aren't even trying to help yourself. You are just wallowing in self pity and letting the depression spiral out of control. Make an effort to get out. Make some friends, do something for yourself daily, and talk to your doctor about this. Don't make your Dh give up an opportunity because you refuse to try and better your own attitude.
And before you start whining to me about it, yes, I've been there. I've been in and out of severe depression. It takes work to get over it.



It may sound harsh but she has a point. I think you should try a little harder to make it work instead of demanding to move back. I've been dealing with depression on and off for 14 years I know how bad it can get. Get the help that you need then reevaluate. The situation make look completely different at that point.
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