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Depressed SAHM moved to new city for Husband's work.

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Hello all. So my husband and I used to be adventurous and kind of partiers. When he got this job we thought it was a great opportunity to move somewhere else and have a new adventure. Just two weeks after moving 300 miles from our friends and family I found out I was pregnant. If we were to plan a pregnancy, I'm certain we'd stay near home.

Upon this news we realized we wanted to move closer to oru families so he got a transfer to the northern division so we were only 1 hour from home. He then got promoted, and with a new baby we thought it'd be better for the security.  It might be fun to move to a big city. Now that we've been her for four months I can't stand it. My family is full of new babies the same age as my 1 year old, i keep missing birthdays and my niece and nephew growing up who lived with me and my family since they were babies.

I'm shy but certainly not an introvert. I know I need people around me but people I'm comfortable with. I hole up in my house with my baby, try not to cry in front her. I've been to the emergency room for anxiety pain making me think I'm about to die or have a heart attack. I can barely breathe everyday. I'm so painfully morose I'm not sure what to do. My husband thinks its silly, his philosophy on life is "then just stop it."  He's doing great at work, advancing and beloved my his co workers and then comes home to this sad sack.

Would it be incredibly selfish for me to demand we move back for my sanity? My dad wants to retire and said he'll hand the family business over to my Husband so it's not like we'd be back at square one, and it's a hugely successfull business with the potentional to be even more lucrative if moeny is the prime issue here. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 4:11 PM
Replies (11-14):
CorpCityGrl
by Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:17 PM

Personally, yes, I think it is selfish.

Based on what you've written it sounds like you haven't even tried to help yourself.  You are wallowing in self-pity and letting yourself get depressed.  You are focusing more on what you are missing back home than what you can be discovering where you are currently.  You've also just had a baby, so you may be dealing with post-partum issues and I would talk to a doctor first and foremost before making any demands on moving.

Your DH has an opportunity and he CAN very well take over your father's business, however, did you ever stop to think that maybe he wants to make his own way and succeed on his own terms and that's what this job is for him?  You need to stop looking at your situation as "oh I'm missing this and that with my family...oh I was so comfortable there" and instead think about the possibilities that this new city has to offer.

MarlaMet
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 1:39 PM

Demand was a bad choice of words. Request. Let my feelings be known. Also, I think this city is dirty and I don't feel very safe walking around.  I've put in an effort. I think I just know what I want. Anxiety is not wallowing in self pity either. It's a serious condition that can relentlessly plague a person.  Some people just  know they want family around and to get in a situation where you feel helpless and trapped is not a good situation for an anxiety sufferer. I mostly want to hear from women that would put themselves in my shoes, and let me know if this is normal. Does it ever get better if we don't move back home? How do I learn to trust people around my little baby?

aprilz1225
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 5:52 PM

 10 years ago hubby and i got married, six month later moved from pa to ca... there a year moved pack to pa (ohio side) while there moved to 7  diffrent towns.. Moved to the other side of pa two years ago.. this was the first time i have spent Christmas twice in the same place... i feel ya.

shadow_lark
by Bronze Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:46 PM
Yes, but you have to put forth the effort to make it better! Life is what you make of it and if you spend all of your time wallowing and being depressed about what you are missing at home you will miss out on the opportunities presented to you where you are. As for trusting people, that is something that a therapist can help you to work through. Fine one who specializes in anxiety patients, who has a good track record,and who won't just write you a script without giving you the emotional tools to deal with your anxiety in a healthy way. In the mean time you may try examining you habits. Do you eat well? Do you get exercise daily? Do you get enough vitamin d and b12? And do you take care of yourself...I mean doing things for yourself daily. Things you used to enjoy and took for granted before having a baby.

Quoting MarlaMet:

Demand was a bad choice of words. Request. Let my feelings be known. Also, I think this city is dirty and I don't feel very safe walking around.  I've put in an effort. I think I just know what I want. Anxiety is not wallowing in self pity either. It's a serious condition that can relentlessly plague a person.  Some people just  know they want family around and to get in a situation where you feel helpless and trapped is not a good situation for an anxiety sufferer. I mostly want to hear from women that would put themselves in my shoes, and let me know if this is normal. Does it ever get better if we don't move back home? How do I learn to trust people around my little baby?

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