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I'm so sick of my 7 yr old son lying to me. What to do??

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My son, Alex, is my oldest so this is all new to me. Honestly, I didn't think that 7 year olds lie.

He doesn't lie about big things, he just seems to lie about little things.

For example a couple of months ago he took a shower and he got the inside of the shower dirty and then when I asked him about it he lied to me and told me that he didn't do. I know I didn't do it. My SO didn't do it because he knows better than to do that and if he does, he cleans it up. 

Anyways, this morning he put colored spiker hair in this morning before school and he got some on his forehead.

I asked him if he knew there was colored spiker on his forehead and he replied yes.

I asked him if he WASHED it off and he said yes.

I knew he lied. And I told him and then I asked why he lied and he said "I don't know"  So I told him that he was grounded from playing with his friends for a week on top of not being able to watch tv or play on his cell phone for a week.

So I went into the bathroom and I seen a dry washcloth hanging over the bathroom sink.

I asked him if he used it and he said yes.

WTH!! I just don't get it. If he didn't lie, then why is it when I asked him he said I don't know? why didn't he just explain to me that he tried to wash it off with a washcloth but didn't use water??

I just don't understand.

I swear my son's favorite saying is, "I don't know."

he says it for everything.

How do i teach him to communciate with me?

How do i get it through to him that telling me i don't know doesn't solve anything?

i keep telling him not to tell me i don't know and both my SO and I have explained to him when the apprepriate time to use i don't know and when it's not.

i just don't know how to get through to him.

I feel bad now because he didn't lie but he did lie. because he didn't WASH his forehead because the cloth was dry so he WIPED his forehead.

i just don't know what to do anymore.

he is lying to the point where i feel that i can't trust him.

little lies turn into big lies.

a couple of months ago he went to his fathers house and took his half sisters toy cell phone without asking and then lied about it.

WHAT DO I DO???? I need help!!

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by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 2:37 PM
Replies (11-20):
SlapItHigh
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:46 PM
2 moms liked this

At 7 years old, it's normal to lie. They don't have the brain developments that adults have. I wouldn't punish or reward him. Just continue to tach him the importance of the truth and be understanding that he won't be able to comply 100% until his prefrontal cortex has developed more. You may want to pick up a book on child brain development. If you go with the whole punish/reward cycle then you will just be teaching him manipulation and selfishness. 

Kim042269
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:00 AM

Wow...hard to win with you. It sounds like the problem is more you believing him than him lying. Also, I have my doubts it's safe to tell the truth to you, because you make a big stinkin deal out of little things. Here is my advice. First, lighten up, A LOT. Second, if you tells you something ACT LIKE IT'S TRUE until you 100% KNOW otherwise. Not think, because there doesn't seem to be any other answer, but KNOW. Finally, if he is found to be lying (and he probably will, since now he thinks it's the safer route), deal with it calmly, explaining to him that it's better to tell the truth so people trust his word, and believe what he is saying.

A last word: my dad was like you. We all learned to lie for our own good. My sister never stopped. You are teaching him how to be.

I feel bad now because he didn't lie but he did lie. because he didn't WASH his forehead because the cloth was dry so he WIPED his forehead.

SlapItHigh
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:02 AM



Quoting Kim042269:

Wow...hard to win with you. It sounds like the problem is more you believing him than him lying. Also, I have my doubts it's safe to tell the truth to you, because you make a big stinkin deal out of little things. Here is my advice. First, lighten up, A LOT. Second, if you tells you something ACT LIKE IT'S TRUE until you 100% KNOW otherwise. Not think, because there doesn't seem to be any other answer, but KNOW. Finally, if he is found to be lying (and he probably will, since now he thinks it's the safer route), deal with it calmly, explaining to him that it's better to tell the truth so people trust his word, and believe what he is saying.

A last word: my dad was like you. We all learned to lie for our own good. My sister never stopped. You are teaching him how to be.

I feel bad now because he didn't lie but he did lie. because he didn't WASH his forehead because the cloth was dry so he WIPED his forehead.


^good advice.

afwifeandmommy3
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:06 AM
I have a 7 yr old nephew this was a huge problem when he first came to me . He loves the Xbox and so I started telling him he can lose the Xbox for a week or for the day his choice but lying meant a week . It's been a few months now he picks consequences for his actions but I always tell him I proud of him for being honest and he still gets punished . He just knows lying means he gets a longer punishment . The three older ones have a jar each time they get in trouble they pick a rock that lists a punishment and that goes in the jar . The time they lose a priv is based on the severity of the action and the honesty . If he he lies about getting in trouble at school it's an automatic 5 days if he tells the truth it's 3. It has worked really well for all the boys good luck

Quoting vinalex0581:

ok well here's another question if he did something wrong and then he admits to it, then why reward him because he did something wrong?

i can understand rewarding him for telling the truth by then he needs to be disciplined for doing wrong, right?

Quoting Kellyjude1:

 My son is 7 and I have also caught in him in little lies.  We did talk about it and I told him that it is not nice to lie.  Telling the truth is best.  I think it is a phase they do go through, however I would also be a little concerned.  My son will now tell the truth but he knows if he tells the truth he will not get punished.  Your son may be lying to avoid punishment.  He may be saying the "I don't know" to protect himself not really wanting to lie but also not wanting to face the punishment.  If you can sit down and explain to him the importance of telling the truth.  Show him the dry wash cloth and explain to him if he washed his forehead then the wash cloth would be wet.  Give him praise when he does tell the truth.  Let him know no matter what he will not get in trouble as long as he tells the truth.  I think that is most important.


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BigMama925
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:16 AM
Sigh.. Same over here.. o_O my oldest is ten also. ..

Quoting goddess99:

Oh the lying phase that never seems to end. Been there, hell still there. When I catch my dd in lies, she loses things: computer, minutes off her bedtime. Sometimes it works but not always. I'd love to read what others have tried.

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belleher90
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:36 AM

 im on the same boat....my oldest son is 5 and he lies all the time....its rediculous...but when he does lie he gets punished and i make sure that when he tells the truth i reward him.  good luck

Janet
by Ruby Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 8:55 AM
Those are little things he is lying about. You are giving him some big punishments for. I think if.he is afraid to tell you the truth. Remember he is only seven. You have to get him to feel comfortable enough to tell you the truth. I would suggest no punishment for these types of things.
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DanaG70
by Silver Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:16 AM

 My daughter was the worst about lying to me. When I caught her in a lie I would tell her that since she lied to me that she was grounded, or loses privileges, had she told me the truth in the first place she wouldn't be in so much trouble. She finally out grew it.

As for the "I don't know". My kids always say that and it still drives me nuts.

breebree04
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:01 PM

 This and I thinking maybe you are alittle too strict. It seems like you are purposely setting him up to see if he will lie, why would you ask him if he wiped the colored spike off if you could see it on his forehead? and he is only 7, maybe he didnt realize he was the one that got the shower dirty. I know my kids 8 and 10 would never pay attention if the shower/tub was dirty when they got out. I think you are overreacting personally and I wouldnt make a big deal of it unless he is telling big/important lies

Quoting Janet:

Those are little things he is lying about. You are giving him some big punishments for. I think if.he is afraid to tell you the truth. Remember he is only seven. You have to get him to feel comfortable enough to tell you the truth. I would suggest no punishment for these types of things.


 

Pammi86
by Pamela on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:32 PM

I think its a stage. Try sitting him down and explaining that lying is no good!

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