Okay, so my SD is going to be 10 soon. We've planned out her party. It'll be in our home as we can't afford to rent a space and it's still a little too chilly to have one at the park. She wanted to invite all the girls from her class, but we just don't have the room for 11 of her classmates, two cousins, and her little sisters.
So we told her she could pick three or four friends in addition to my SIL's two girls. It would be a sleep over, but one of her cousins wouldn't stay for the sleep over (she's almost 14 and already said she wouldn't want to stay for the sleep over).
My problem is my best friend who has a little girl whose birthday is the week before my SD's. They invite SD to their party every year. We invite her daughter to SD's parties every, but at the last two birthday parties my best friend's little girl attended it became drama (these were for my other daughter's birthdays not SD's) because my BFF's daughter wanted all the attention on her and not on my little girls and then my BFF would approach me about how SD was ignoring her daughter to hang out with her cousin. My SD and her cousin are 6 months apart in age and have been best friends their whole lives, my best friend's daughter is 2 years younger than my SD. When it's just SD and my best friend's daughter they get along great, but if there are any other kids around my best friend's daughter gets pouty and whiney and snotty and SD doesn't want anything to do with her. I've encouraged SD to not play favorites, but on her birthday I don't want her to feel like she has to cater to my best friend's daughter. Does that make sense?
I want to invite her, but I don't want the drama. Also, do I invite her for the sleepover portion? She'd be the youngest guest (all the others will be 9 and 10, where as my best friend's daughter will have just turned 8). I'm not sure how to word this. Invite her for just the party portion and then worry that she might be hurt if she's not invited to stay the night?
My DH suggested that we invite my BFF to stay the night too and that way if her daughter feels left out or whatever she has her mom to lean on and at the same time I get some quality time with my best friend (who has been my best friend for 18 years).