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Can spanking a 7 year old really embarass the child?

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Even if it's just the one parent and child in the room?

Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 3:03 AM
Replies (11-20):
vinalex0581
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 7:46 PM

i sat down and wrote on construction paper what the house rules were.

and then when i was done, i sat down with him and explained to him what the rules meant and then i asked if he understood and if he didn't i would explain it again and if he did then i would have him explain it to me in his own words.

but then the next day he would come home from school and then he would break a rule and then he would say, "i forgot."  famous saying for my son, ugh!

that would piss me off.

and then i would remind him that he has the rules in his bedroom and that if he forgets he should read the rules again.

he stopped reading the rules and it was easier for him to just tell me everyday, "I forgot."

so i got pissed that i just threw the damn thing away.

i just gave up and resorted to spanking. 

and i'll tell you, he doesn't say, "I forgot" as much anymore.

so i'm honestly at my wits end with this whole situation.

and there are times where i don't want to spank him and then i will just give up on him all together and just let him do what he wants to do.

problem is, my ex and i aren't together.

so when he goes to his fathers house, his father has rules that my son has to follow and remember.  (his father and i despise each other, btw)

when he goes to my mom's house (his grandmother) he has rules that he has to follow.

so he has 3 sets of rules that he, not only, has to follow but is forced to remember.

so i try not to put that much pressure on him anymore just for that reason.

and he has cub scouts every tuesday night, gymnastics every wednesday night and bowling every other saturday (suppose to be every saturday but his father refuses to take him, so I take him when i have him).

Quoting audreesmama:

Hmm is he getting enough exercise? Is he getting enough interaction?

I had custody of my brother and when he was 7 he was insane lol. I did with him what I do with my now 4 year old--we sat down and made a list of personal responsibilities together. We talked about why each was important, things like listening the first time, no arguing, manners, respect, etc. Together we made a list of consequences for each. That way the kids knew what happened if they didn't do what they agreed to. We both signed it, signifying that we were each going to uphold our ends of the deal. We also made our chore chart this way.

It worked for my brother who has ADHD, and works with dd. It might work for you.


Quoting vinalex0581:

yeah, i'm having issues and it's pathetic because when i seek out help in my groups, all i get is bashed and attacked.

don't get me wrong, my son is an angel compared to most 7 year olds and i'm lucky to have someone as well behaved as he.

BUT........he's still 7 years old and he still lies.

and he still jumps on the couch and our bed when we (my boyfriend and I) have told him over 200 times that he shouldn't.

and he still puts his elbows on the table while we are eating a meal together when we have told him 300 times not to. i've tried taking his favorite games away and his DS XL and that doesn't work.

my boyfriend and I have sat down with him and talked to him (100 times) about these issues and it doesn't seem to work.

so my last resort was spanking him and unfortunately it seems to help.

he'll stop doing it for a couple of months but then after not spanking him for a while (because he stopped doing the things that i've listed above) he will start doing it again.

i don't know what to do.

when i was growing up my mom taught me that she only had to tell me things once and i would listen to her or else.

i want to be able to teach my son the same thing but without spanking. especially now that i know there's a chance that it embarrasses him.

Quoting audreesmama:

I'm sorry, I agree Hun. I don't believe spanking is positive. It's designed to humiliate the child into behaving. I don't want to do that to my kids.



Are you having issues with your son behaving? I would look at alternative methods of discipline.





Quoting vinalex0581:

i started crying when i read that.

i want my son to be able to come to me for everything.  i want that bond with him.

i want him to trust me.

i

honestly didn't think much of him being embarrassed until one mom was

talking about how it use to embarrass her when her parents spanked her.

and the last thing i want is for my son to get embarrass.

i'm his mom, it's my job to protect him from shit like that.

i don't want that

Quoting dreamalong:

Good question.

I think it depends on HOW you spank.  If you pull the child's pants down, after consistently teaching him/her that being undressed is a 'no-no.'  Then you are embarrassing.

I personally do NOT advocate spanking.  I have raised a child and successfully taught public school many years.  I believe there are other ways to emphasize rules and procedures.  I believe it is the parents role to teach.  ALL those who believe in spanking, say never spank in anger; every spanking I have seen has been in anger!

I believe spanking only teaches negative lessons:

1.  The stronger person gets their way.

2.  When you are angry, it is alright to hit, if you don't get caught.

3.  When I need someone to confide in, I will not go to someone who hurts me.

4.  Spanking lets me off the hook - When I break something and get spanked, I don't have to clean it up or fix it, or pay for it.







Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

reche1978
by Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:03 PM

 

LOL, No its not instilling fear.  When I say pull hear I dont grab my kids hair/ear with both hands and go nuts its a small tug more to grab there attention and nothing else. 

Quoting KJH78:

You pull an ear or hair??? Are you for real??? I find that absolutely inappropriate. Disciplining means to teach what you doing is only instilling fear in your kids.

 

Quoting reche1978:

I dont think theres anything wrong in spanking.  I dont really spank I pull an ear or hair but I sometimes have spanked my girls in the bottom when they misbehaved.  I dont hit them with things and I dont pull there pants down.  I use it as a last resort. 

 

 


 

SuDoNim
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:58 AM
1 mom liked this

OP: My son has always been a bit of a handful compared to my younger children, so I can totally sympathise with your situation. Name a discipline method and I've probably tried them all. That said, I'm not "against" spanking, but I believe it should be very rare. The two techniques that we have found that work with him are writing lines or earlier bedtime.

With writing lines, he has to write "I will_______" x number of times. Take whatever the infraction was and spin it into a positive statement. For example, instead of  "I will not talk back" he writes "I will speak respectfully". It removes him from the situation to give him time to calm down and reflect, and gets some handwriting practice, to boot.

Earlier bed time is reserved for if he has been biting, hiting, kicking, throwing toys at people, etc. His normal bedtime is 8:30, so the first offense bumps bedtime to 8:00 and he can still have a story. Secomd offense bumps bedtime to 7:30 with no story. Third offense is going to bed straight after homework and dinner, with no story. No negotiating, no "one more chance", make it clear to him that he must be exhausted if he is acting out like this, so the extra sleep will do him some good. 

Hang in there! I found the 8 has been much easier for my son than 3-7 has been :) 

mommaleela
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:58 AM

Yes.  I got a lot of whippings growing up and it didn't feel like discipline or instruction to me.  It felt like since I was little I couldn't fight back and it WAS humiliating and it made me angry.  I just don't understand why my parents thought that hitting me would make me not want to hit?!  I turned out pretty well if I do say so myself, so I don't know what the long term damage really is or if there is any with me.  But I remember feeling so helpless and furious.  


eta  I do pop my 2 yr old's hand when he and she are bad.  But I just can't bring myself to beat them like I was.  Maybe my grandaddy is right and they would be better behaved, but I just can't.

Basherte
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:35 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't think it would embarras the child when it's just the child and the parent. But I think it could make them feel shame.


I'm not one to physically punish my child like that. Mainly because it wouldn't do any good. My son doesn't understand that kind of punishment.

I have no issues with parents that do spank their child.


wedding countdown

delanna6two
by Platinum Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:31 PM

Hope things work out.....when I was little, I was embarrassed if someone else was around....one on one not as much....



Rosies50
by Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 7:25 AM
3 moms liked this
Worried about embarrassing them? Really? OMG, I guess your child has never embarrassed you with inappropriate behavior. Spanking is to get their attention on a much personal level, not I'm anger, which done with love is an excellent deterrent. My children want to please me as much as I do them. I use spanking as a last resort after warnings and yes shame too. Shame shows that they are feeling something in themselves. That their behavior was inappropriate. I've had 5 wonderful children, from 11 to 34 yrs old and share every thing. When something good happens, they call. When they need advice, they call me. You have to be a parent first and a friend when they need you. Discipline and love.
mamaslove11
by Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 11:16 AM

I feel for you. I have a ss that did what he wanted most of the time. I have been in his life since last Febuary. He does what I say when I say because he knows I expect no less. His dad has to ask him more than once. It is not about rules but about knowing right from wrong and having manners. It ia wrong to jump on the bed because you can get hurt. It is rude and poor manners to put your elbows on the table, to chew with your mouth open?smack, or to lean back on two legs of the chair. My ss has been leaning back in his chair when we have been having out eating meatting at church the last couple of months. I told him yesterday in the most serious tone I had, "Cory, I love you and i do not feel like going to the hospital today because you have busted your head open. This is your last warning. If you lean that chair back one more time you are going to be standing up here in front of God and everybody else while you eat and will not be allowed to sit back down." He did not do it again.

He wants to jump on the couch... well he is "grounded" from the couch fro a certian amount of time. Everytime he does it the time gets longer(That includes sitting on your lap while you are sitting on the couch). Maybe the first time two days then three days ect. He jumps on your bed he is "grounded" from your room for so many days. He jumps on his bed his mattress gets put on the floor for so many days. That is a punishment because he is sleeping on the floor and he has lost play room in his room. I know it is a lot of trouble but he keeps on jumping on his bed then take his bed apart and he really sleeps on the floor for about a week. I know it may seem a little drastic and mean to do that but better that then trips to the hospital because he lands on the edge of the bed and falls and breaks something or ends up with a head injury because he hits his head on a toy or the floor. Make the punishment fit the crime. Get inventive. He wont know what "hit" him. You have to get his attention for his behavoiur to change.

Quoting vinalex0581:

yeah, i'm having issues and it's pathetic because when i seek out help in my groups, all i get is bashed and attacked.

don't get me wrong, my son is an angel compared to most 7 year olds and i'm lucky to have someone as well behaved as he.

BUT........he's still 7 years old and he still lies.

and he still jumps on the couch and our bed when we (my boyfriend and I) have told him over 200 times that he shouldn't.

and he still puts his elbows on the table while we are eating a meal together when we have told him 300 times not to. i've tried taking his favorite games away and his DS XL and that doesn't work.

my boyfriend and I have sat down with him and talked to him (100 times) about these issues and it doesn't seem to work.

so my last resort was spanking him and unfortunately it seems to help.

he'll stop doing it for a couple of months but then after not spanking him for a while (because he stopped doing the things that i've listed above) he will start doing it again.

i don't know what to do.

when i was growing up my mom taught me that she only had to tell me things once and i would listen to her or else.

i want to be able to teach my son the same thing but without spanking. especially now that i know there's a chance that it embarrasses him.

Texas Cowboys Girl

cowgirl          juggling

SlapItHigh
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 11:17 AM

Yes, it can.

happinessforyou
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 1:23 PM

IDK- I have 1 sister who swears it would! lol

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