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Can spanking a 7 year old really embarass the child?

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Even if it's just the one parent and child in the room?

Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 3:03 AM
Replies (21-30):
vinalex0581
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 2:48 PM

you know, it's neat that you do that because that's exactly what my SO (who is my son's step father) tries to do with my son.  but like your DH, i'm to soft and I don't want to do it. my SO doesn't get God involved, though, because he's an atheist.

My SO bitches at me because he gets upset when he has to be the bad guy because he knows that i can't.

when my son puts his elbows on the table my SO told me that he had to eat dinner standing up for the remainder of the meal.

do you mind if i add you as a friend?

i think you would be a great mom to go to for advice.

=)

Quoting mamaslove11:

I feel for you. I have a ss that did what he wanted most of the time. I have been in his life since last Febuary. He does what I say when I say because he knows I expect no less. His dad has to ask him more than once. It is not about rules but about knowing right from wrong and having manners. It ia wrong to jump on the bed because you can get hurt. It is rude and poor manners to put your elbows on the table, to chew with your mouth open?smack, or to lean back on two legs of the chair. My ss has been leaning back in his chair when we have been having out eating meatting at church the last couple of months. I told him yesterday in the most serious tone I had, "Cory, I love you and i do not feel like going to the hospital today because you have busted your head open. This is your last warning. If you lean that chair back one more time you are going to be standing up here in front of God and everybody else while you eat and will not be allowed to sit back down." He did not do it again.

He wants to jump on the couch... well he is "grounded" from the couch fro a certian amount of time. Everytime he does it the time gets longer(That includes sitting on your lap while you are sitting on the couch). Maybe the first time two days then three days ect. He jumps on your bed he is "grounded" from your room for so many days. He jumps on his bed his mattress gets put on the floor for so many days. That is a punishment because he is sleeping on the floor and he has lost play room in his room. I know it is a lot of trouble but he keeps on jumping on his bed then take his bed apart and he really sleeps on the floor for about a week. I know it may seem a little drastic and mean to do that but better that then trips to the hospital because he lands on the edge of the bed and falls and breaks something or ends up with a head injury because he hits his head on a toy or the floor. Make the punishment fit the crime. Get inventive. He wont know what "hit" him. You have to get his attention for his behavoiur to change.

Quoting vinalex0581:

yeah, i'm having issues and it's pathetic because when i seek out help in my groups, all i get is bashed and attacked.

don't get me wrong, my son is an angel compared to most 7 year olds and i'm lucky to have someone as well behaved as he.

BUT........he's still 7 years old and he still lies.

and he still jumps on the couch and our bed when we (my boyfriend and I) have told him over 200 times that he shouldn't.

and he still puts his elbows on the table while we are eating a meal together when we have told him 300 times not to. i've tried taking his favorite games away and his DS XL and that doesn't work.

my boyfriend and I have sat down with him and talked to him (100 times) about these issues and it doesn't seem to work.

so my last resort was spanking him and unfortunately it seems to help.

he'll stop doing it for a couple of months but then after not spanking him for a while (because he stopped doing the things that i've listed above) he will start doing it again.

i don't know what to do.

when i was growing up my mom taught me that she only had to tell me things once and i would listen to her or else.

i want to be able to teach my son the same thing but without spanking. especially now that i know there's a chance that it embarrasses him.


Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

mamaslove11
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 5:38 PM

I sent you one :-)

Quoting vinalex0581:

you know, it's neat that you do that because that's exactly what my SO (who is my son's step father) tries to do with my son.  but like your DH, i'm to soft and I don't want to do it. my SO doesn't get God involved, though, because he's an atheist.

My SO bitches at me because he gets upset when he has to be the bad guy because he knows that i can't.

when my son puts his elbows on the table my SO told me that he had to eat dinner standing up for the remainder of the meal.

do you mind if i add you as a friend?

i think you would be a great mom to go to for advice.

=)

Quoting mamaslove11:

I feel for you. I have a ss that did what he wanted most of the time. I have been in his life since last Febuary. He does what I say when I say because he knows I expect no less. His dad has to ask him more than once. It is not about rules but about knowing right from wrong and having manners. It ia wrong to jump on the bed because you can get hurt. It is rude and poor manners to put your elbows on the table, to chew with your mouth open?smack, or to lean back on two legs of the chair. My ss has been leaning back in his chair when we have been having out eating meatting at church the last couple of months. I told him yesterday in the most serious tone I had, "Cory, I love you and i do not feel like going to the hospital today because you have busted your head open. This is your last warning. If you lean that chair back one more time you are going to be standing up here in front of God and everybody else while you eat and will not be allowed to sit back down." He did not do it again.

He wants to jump on the couch... well he is "grounded" from the couch fro a certian amount of time. Everytime he does it the time gets longer(That includes sitting on your lap while you are sitting on the couch). Maybe the first time two days then three days ect. He jumps on your bed he is "grounded" from your room for so many days. He jumps on his bed his mattress gets put on the floor for so many days. That is a punishment because he is sleeping on the floor and he has lost play room in his room. I know it is a lot of trouble but he keeps on jumping on his bed then take his bed apart and he really sleeps on the floor for about a week. I know it may seem a little drastic and mean to do that but better that then trips to the hospital because he lands on the edge of the bed and falls and breaks something or ends up with a head injury because he hits his head on a toy or the floor. Make the punishment fit the crime. Get inventive. He wont know what "hit" him. You have to get his attention for his behavoiur to change.

EarlGrayHot
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 10:24 AM

Spanking is not an appropriate way to punish a child no matter what the age!  What you're teaching a child by spanking is that violence is acceptable as is hitting someone who's smaller than you and helpless against a larger person.  If you believe bullying is wrong then spanking is the same thing.  If you hit your spouse, an adult approximately your size, you could end up in jail for it.  How can you possibly justify hitting a child who is smaller by far than an adult?  There are lots of ways to discipline a child that do not involve corporal punishment.  It's way past time this appalling tactic was consigned to the dust bin of history.  If that isn't enough then the fact that hitting a child could cause permanent damage, especially to the reproductive organs.  There's just no excuse for hitting a child. 

Be consistant and explain to the child but don't hit them.  Treat your chid with respect and he or she will grow up to be a great human being.

jamiebell
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:06 AM
My son is 8, he is also adhd and I more then understand the constant repeating and asking then not to do something. Its an impulse control issue on their behavior end. It is beyond frustrating and I have many many many times been at my wits ends over it. It took me a long time to understand the the impulse control and realize he really didn't have control issue over it. He really resolute tries so hard and most of the time he just want help himself. I don't think he enjoyed being yelled at constantly and reminded over and over that his behaviors were not ok. He was constantly and hearing negativity and began feeling that way about himself. Spanking wld a very last resort for us and we didn't often bit when we did it worked. Until he turned 8. He broke down and told us how it makes him feel like a baby and that it makes him think we hate him and he was hysterical telling us all these feelings. I had no idea. Like I said we didn't spank often never pulled his pants down or anything extreme , just a some spank on the butt . I cried for days. I hated myself for making my child feel this way, that way never my intentions, I was just trying to correct behaviour and teach him to follow directions and he be respectable. Omg this was an eye opener. We learned more about his adhd amd how to respond better to his impulsive behaviors and his outbursts. We talked with him and told him there would be no more speaking but that there would be consequences to bad behaviours and such. We let him have a voice in all of this and came up with a plan together. Open up your communication with your child, you may be surprised what you guys can come up with together.


Quoting audreesmama:

Hmm is he getting enough exercise? Is he getting enough interaction?



I had custody of my brother and when he was 7 he was insane lol. I did with him what I do with my now 4 year old--we sat down and made a list of personal responsibilities together. We talked about why each was important, things like listening the first time, no arguing, manners, respect, etc. Together we made a list of consequences for each. That way the kids knew what happened if they didn't do what they agreed to. We both signed it, signifying that we were each going to uphold our ends of the deal. We also made our chore chart this way.



It worked for my brother who has ADHD, and works with dd. It might work for you.




Quoting vinalex0581:

yeah, i'm having issues and it's pathetic because when i seek out help in my groups, all i get is bashed and attacked.

don't get me wrong, my son is an angel compared to most 7 year olds and i'm lucky to have someone as well behaved as he.

BUT........he's still 7 years old and he still lies.

and he still jumps on the couch and our bed when we (my boyfriend and I) have told him over 200 times that he shouldn't.

and he still puts his elbows on the table while we are eating a meal together when we have told him 300 times not to. i've tried taking his favorite games away and his DS XL and that doesn't work.

my boyfriend and I have sat down with him and talked to him (100 times) about these issues and it doesn't seem to work.

so my last resort was spanking him and unfortunately it seems to help.

he'll stop doing it for a couple of months but then after not spanking him for a while (because he stopped doing the things that i've listed above) he will start doing it again.

i don't know what to do.

when i was growing up my mom taught me that she only had to tell me things once and i would listen to her or else.

i want to be able to teach my son the same thing but without spanking. especially now that i know there's a chance that it embarrasses him.

Quoting audreesmama:

I'm sorry, I agree Hun. I don't believe spanking is positive. It's designed to humiliate the child into behaving. I don't want to do that to my kids.





Are you having issues with your son behaving? I would look at alternative methods of discipline.








Quoting vinalex0581:

i started crying when i read that.

i want my son to be able to come to me for everything.  i want that bond with him.

i want him to trust me.

i


honestly didn't think much of him being embarrassed until one mom was


talking about how it use to embarrass her when her parents spanked her.

and the last thing i want is for my son to get embarrass.

i'm his mom, it's my job to protect him from shit like that.

i don't want that

Quoting dreamalong:

Good question.

I think it depends on HOW you spank.  If you pull the child's pants down, after consistently teaching him/her that being undressed is a 'no-no.'  Then you are embarrassing.

I personally do NOT advocate spanking.  I have raised a child and successfully taught public school many years.  I believe there are other ways to emphasize rules and procedures.  I believe it is the parents role to teach.  ALL those who believe in spanking, say never spank in anger; every spanking I have seen has been in anger!

I believe spanking only teaches negative lessons:

1.  The stronger person gets their way.

2.  When you are angry, it is alright to hit, if you don't get caught.

3.  When I need someone to confide in, I will not go to someone who hurts me.

4.  Spanking lets me off the hook - When I break something and get spanked, I don't have to clean it up or fix it, or pay for it.








Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
pasteeater
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:19 AM
Pulling hair or ears is worse. Why would you do that???

Quoting reche1978:

I dont think theres anything wrong in spanking.  I dont really spank I pull an ear or hair but I sometimes have spanked my girls in the bottom when they misbehaved.  I dont hit them with things and I dont pull there pants down.  I use it as a last resort. 

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
reche1978
by Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:16 PM

 

nope not worse. 

Quoting pasteeater:

Pulling hair or ears is worse. Why would you do that???

Quoting reche1978:

I dont think theres anything wrong in spanking.  I dont really spank I pull an ear or hair but I sometimes have spanked my girls in the bottom when they misbehaved.  I dont hit them with things and I dont pull there pants down.  I use it as a last resort. 


 

pasteeater
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 4:00 PM

 Yes worse unless your idea of spanking is actually beating.

Quoting reche1978:

 

nope not worse. 

Quoting pasteeater:

Pulling hair or ears is worse. Why would you do that???

Quoting reche1978:

I dont think theres anything wrong in spanking.  I dont really spank I pull an ear or hair but I sometimes have spanked my girls in the bottom when they misbehaved.  I dont hit them with things and I dont pull there pants down.  I use it as a last resort. 

 

 

 

KayDziedzic
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 4:37 PM

I hope a 7 year old is embarrassed when they get a spanking.

I'm a parent of a 6, 5, and 2 year old, and DH and I occassionally spank. My kids don't get spanked often. The offense determines the punishment, and we use open hand spankings on the butt when one of the kids continues a problem behavior after recieving multiple lesser punishments-- verbal reprimand, time out, loss of privilages, usually in that order. "Spankings" are given only with an open hand, on the butt, with an explanation before and after given by a calm parent, and only after other punishments have been ineffective.

I do not try to embarrass my children (except when I use my goofiest smile and overexuberantly wave goodbye at the bus stop in the mornings), but I will not withhold a punishment for fear of embarrassing my kids.

I hope my kids are embarrassed to be punished, whether it's time out in a public restroom or a spanking at home. I want my kids to be uncomfortable when they break the rules, especially if they repeatedly break the rules. I believe that people should feel ashamed when they've done something shameful; that this includes children; and that, as parents, it is our responsiblity to ourselves, our children, and our society, to teach our children to be embarrassed for inappropriate behavior and misbehaving.

Note: I believe that discipline in not synonomous with punishment -- discipline is teaching our children how to behave in a way that will allow them to function in a society, while punishment is the penalty for repeat offenses. Also, I know that spanking is controversial-- I would like to note that I do not condone ever using an object or closed fist to strike a child, and I do not condone striking a child in anger.

reche1978
by Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 7:31 PM

 wow ok lets agree to disagree


Quoting pasteeater:

 Yes worse unless your idea of spanking is actually beating.

Quoting reche1978:

 

nope not worse. 

Quoting pasteeater:

Pulling hair or ears is worse. Why would you do that???

Quoting reche1978:

I dont think theres anything wrong in spanking.  I dont really spank I pull an ear or hair but I sometimes have spanked my girls in the bottom when they misbehaved.  I dont hit them with things and I dont pull there pants down.  I use it as a last resort. 

 

 

 


 

dreamalong
by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 6:32 PM

Some of the things your son does that you describe as frustrating are typical for 7-year-olds -- i.e., putting elbows on the table, coming into your bedroom at inappropriate times, etc.   Most children that age are spontaneous, as they easily forget those little rules, and they are 'little' compared to behavior of other children. 

I would suggest a visible behavior chart, and setting up a reward system. 

What does he want?  What motivates him?

Create a chart with rows for good behaviors and rows of the behaviors that bother you.

Add stars, or marks for frequency of each; marks for the good behaviors that can lead to positive rewards, and marks for behaviors leading to loss of a priviledge.  

First, a chart makes it easy to keep track of the frequency of behaviors, and it better than memory.

Second, the child can see; it is a visual reminder of where he stands in working on positive habits and on improving behaviors that are inappropriate.  Most of us want to improve, this could be a visible reminder to him.  And a reminder of good behaviors that may curb his impulsive behaviors that you find unacceptable.


The long term goal of all discipline is to teach values; you want your child to make good choices, whether you are present or not.

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