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I need help, my 9 yr old daughter is writing suicide letters....

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Hi my name is Heather, I have 4 beautiful children, 2 of them are step daughters, we all seem to have a great relationship.  I am going thru a divorce and my kids dad gave up guardianship of my daughter to his mom without notifying me because i was going thru a very unstable period.  I have been in full contact with my daughter for a year and things have been really good between us.  But recently, she has written two letters stating she wants to kill herself.  The first one, she said it was because of her teacher (she has a very strict teacher that picks on a few select students and this issue is being addressed by the schoolboard),  but said she had no intentions of following thru.  Then I found out today that she wrote another letter, and this time she has planned something, this time it is the teacher and other things.  I dont know what to do for her,  she doesnt live with me and so I have no say over what happens with her medically, but she does go to therapy, and was just hospitalized in the psychiatric dept. for the second note.  Her grandmother is very manipulative, and admits she alienated me from her for a few years because she thought it was in my daughters best interest.  Im going to see my daughter this week, and i told her that we needed to talk about these letters, but she said her grandmother doesnt want me to talk to her about any of this.  My daughter needs me, and she needs to know I love her no matter what.  But if something were to happen to her, I dont know what Id do.  It is so hard for me to be stuck in this situation.  I have encountered one set back after another trying to get back on my feet so I can get her back, but in the mean time, what do I do to try and keep her in a positive light??? I'm so lost, I never thought I would have to deal with this.  How does a 9 year old think of suicide as an answer to their problems?  I dont have a good support system as my family does not live in the state, so I feel alone.  Any one, please, I need to have someone to talk to that can help me.

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 4:43 PM
Replies (21-30):
babeegyrl_24
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:21 AM
I'm praying for you
proudmumof5
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:13 AM

 Thank you, they say God only gives us what we can handle, but this is A LOT!


Quoting babeegyrl_24:

I'm praying for you


 

la_bella_vita
by Silver Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:17 PM

 No advice but ((Hugs)) I wish her all the best

proudmumof5
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:32 PM
1 mom liked this

 Thank you!

Quoting la_bella_vita:

 No advice but ((Hugs)) I wish her all the best


 

christina259
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:26 PM

 I am so sorry to hear what you and your daughter are going through. I'm not a therapist so I don't know what will help her but if it were my duaghter I would just shower her with my love. let her know how much she means to all of you. Let her know that a lot of families go through troubles. That she is not alone and that this moment in time will not be forever. She has her whole life ahead of her. I know she's only 9 but hopefully she can start to see things in a new light. Right now, maybe she feels like everything around her is unhappy and hopeless. let her know that it will get better. Let her know you all are working to make the best of a sticky situation and that she will be protected in the process. once she's an adult she will have the freedom to go out and make her life what she wants it to be and to hang in there. That was my experience as a child and i think that if i only knew then what i know now...that i would grow up and have a very happy life. Is her dad not in her life either? i imagine she feels she has lost her mom and her dad. Let her know that that is not true. you will always love her know matter where you two are living and that once things get settled and straightened out you two can start spending more time together. I wish her dad could to. I don't know his side and why he is not taking care of her but she probably needs both of you. If dad isn't being a good dad and isn't there for her then she can survive this knowing that you and grandma love her and want the best for her. I  was raised by my mom and my grandmother(our grandmother had us as kids for a while too) As and adult I see how mom and dads problems affected me BUT I made it through. ( I was also depressed as a child) As an adult I am so happy and I never stay down long if i do get down. I don't get that "no reason to live" feeling because my grandmother instilled a warmth and love in me that i carry with me. It keeps me going. it helps me to realize I am important. it gives me a certain comfort. Now, I'm older and i don't need grandma to love me, lol but the thing is i have learned how to love others and it make life worth living when the chips are down. i say that long story to say this: Let your daughter know she's loved. Let her know the adults problem are not her fault and she should not have to feel bad for that.That she more than likely has a very bright future ahead of her once the "rain clouds" clear. Let grandma know to create 'warm memories" with her (since grandma is the one caring for her and if you can do that in a way that grandma don't feel you're questioning her caretaking...do it nicely becaue grandma probably is doing a good job already.) ,Little routines that your daughter can count on are nice.These little things create stability, and a since of being loved. i think feeling loved makes you stronger and more secure even....well especially as a child. I hope i know what i'm talking about,lol. I speak from my own experiences as a child but i was only depressed, not writing suicide notes. So continue the therapy and just be there for her and love her. make sure those who she is living with are also giving her love, stability, security and a shoulder to lean on and pray. Thats what i would do. i would keep my mind open to anything and everything that was within my power to do to  help this litte girl heal. She's  hurting from her percieved losses it seems and everything probably seems all messed up right now but let her know it will get better.Other than the teacher (who should be fired, imo) is their anything else going on at school? Let her know that kids can be cruel and that it really does not reflect anything true about her. Bless u and your little girl. hoping you all feel better.

proudmumof5
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:31 PM

 Thank you soooo much, that made me tear up a little for some reason, Im a sap I guess, Ill be keeping posts about whats going on with her and the progress we make.  Her dad is only somewhat involved, he only takes her 1 night a week and even then she doesnt want to go.  She doesnt want to live at her grams house, and wants to be with me, but she doesnt understand why she cant right now.  I have lots of patience for her and am doing everything I can think of, just sometimes I feel like its not good enough. 


Quoting christina259:

 I am so sorry to hear what you and your daughter are going through. I'm not a therapist so I don't know what will help her but if it were my duaghter I would just shower her with my love. let her know how much she means to all of you. Let her know that a lot of families go through troubles. That she is not alone and that this moment in time will not be forever. She has her whole life ahead of her. I know she's only 9 but hopefully she can start to see things in a new light. Right now, maybe she feels like everything around her is unhappy and hopeless. let her know that it will get better. Let her know you all are working to make the best of a sticky situation and that she will be protected in the process. once she's an adult she will have the freedom to go out and make her life what she wants it to be and to hang in there. That was my experience as a child and i think that if i only knew then what i know now...that i would grow up and have a very happy life. Is her dad not in her life either? i imagine she feels she has lost her mom and her dad. Let her know that that is not true. you will always love her know matter where you two are living and that once things get settled and straightened out you two can start spending more time together. I wish her dad could to. I don't know his side and why he is not taking care of her but she probably needs both of you. If dad isn't being a good dad and isn't there for her then she can survive this knowing that you and grandma love her and want the best for her. I  was raised by my mom and my grandmother(She had us as kids for a while too) As and adult I see how mom and dads problems affected me BUT I made it through. ( I was also depressed as a child) As an adult I am so happy and I never stay down long if i do get down. I don't get that "no reason to live" feeling because my grandmother instilled a warmth and love in me that i carry with me. It keeps me going. it helps me to realize I am important. it gives me a certain comfort. Now, I'm older and i don't need grandma to love me, lol but the thing is i have learned how to love others and it make life worth living when the chips are down. i say that long story to say this: Let your daughter know she's loved. Let her know the adults problem are not her fault and she should not have to feel bad for that.That she more than likely has a very bright future ahead of her once the "rain clouds" clear. Let grandma know to create 'warm memories" with her (since grandma is the one caring for her and if you can do that in a way that grandma don't feel you're questioning her caretaking...do it nicely becaue grandman probably is doing a good job already) ,Little routines that your duaghter can count on are nice.These little things create stability, and a since of being loved and i think being loved makes you stronger and more secure even....well especially as a child. I hope i know what i'm talking about,lol. I speak from my own experiences as a child but i was only depressed, not writing suicide notes. So continue the therapy and just be there for her and love her. make sure those who she is living with are also giving her love, stability, security and a shoulder to lean on and pray. Thats what i would do. i would keep my mind open to anything and everything that was within my power to do to  help this litte girl heal. She's  hurting from her percieved losses it seems and everything probably seems all messed up right now but let her know it will get better. Bless u and your little girl. hoping you all feel better.


 

christina259
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:42 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting proudmumof5:

 Thank you soooo much, that made me tear up a little for some reason, Im a sap I guess, Ill be keeping posts about whats going on with her and the progress we make.  Her dad is only somewhat involved, he only takes her 1 night a week and even then she doesnt want to go.  She doesnt want to live at her grams house, and wants to be with me, but she doesnt understand why she cant right now.  I have lots of patience for her and am doing everything I can think of, just sometimes I feel like its not good enough. 

 

Quoting christina259:

 I am so sorry to hear what you and your daughter are going through. I'm not a therapist so I don't know what will help her but if it were my duaghter I would just shower her with my love. let her know how much she means to all of you. Let her know that a lot of families go through troubles. That she is not alone and that this moment in time will not be forever. She has her whole life ahead of her. I know she's only 9 but hopefully she can start to see things in a new light. Right now, maybe she feels like everything around her is unhappy and hopeless. let her know that it will get better. Let her know you all are working to make the best of a sticky situation and that she will be protected in the process. once she's an adult she will have the freedom to go out and make her life what she wants it to be and to hang in there. That was my experience as a child and i think that if i only knew then what i know now...that i would grow up and have a very happy life. Is her dad not in her life either? i imagine she feels she has lost her mom and her dad. Let her know that that is not true. you will always love her know matter where you two are living and that once things get settled and straightened out you two can start spending more time together. I wish her dad could to. I don't know his side and why he is not taking care of her but she probably needs both of you. If dad isn't being a good dad and isn't there for her then she can survive this knowing that you and grandma love her and want the best for her. I  was raised by my mom and my grandmother(She had us as kids for a while too) As and adult I see how mom and dads problems affected me BUT I made it through. ( I was also depressed as a child) As an adult I am so happy and I never stay down long if i do get down. I don't get that "no reason to live" feeling because my grandmother instilled a warmth and love in me that i carry with me. It keeps me going. it helps me to realize I am important. it gives me a certain comfort. Now, I'm older and i don't need grandma to love me, lol but the thing is i have learned how to love others and it make life worth living when the chips are down. i say that long story to say this: Let your daughter know she's loved. Let her know the adults problem are not her fault and she should not have to feel bad for that.That she more than likely has a very bright future ahead of her once the "rain clouds" clear. Let grandma know to create 'warm memories" with her (since grandma is the one caring for her and if you can do that in a way that grandma don't feel you're questioning her caretaking...do it nicely becaue grandman probably is doing a good job already) ,Little routines that your duaghter can count on are nice.These little things create stability, and a since of being loved and i think being loved makes you stronger and more secure even....well especially as a child. I hope i know what i'm talking about,lol. I speak from my own experiences as a child but i was only depressed, not writing suicide notes. So continue the therapy and just be there for her and love her. make sure those who she is living with are also giving her love, stability, security and a shoulder to lean on and pray. Thats what i would do. i would keep my mind open to anything and everything that was within my power to do to  help this litte girl heal. She's  hurting from her percieved losses it seems and everything probably seems all messed up right now but let her know it will get better. Bless u and your little girl. hoping you all feel better.

 

 

 aaawwwe. i feel like i know what your daughter must be feeling. i remember those kind of feelings as a child myself. Except, i always wanted to run TO my grandmother. my mom wasn't a bad mom but due to marital conflict i always felt more secure with my grandmother. As an adult, i see that this little 'bright' spot got me through. To this day my grandmothers home represents love and security to me. its an old trailor with extra rooms built on (way out in the country) and it looks like its about to fall apart now. i could only imagine what my dh thought when i first brought  him to my childhood home ( we met in the military so he had never seen where i came from) but to me it don't look like others may percieve it, it looks like home. If you could ensure your little girl  has this sense of being loved or whoever is caring for her makes sure she has that and keep her talking to you about what she's going through, hopefully she will be fine.

Myruhbel
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:50 PM
1 mom liked this
Tell her what my dad told me. That suicide is a temporary solution to a temporay problem. All things shall pass and she will be stronger once she makes it through it. We all go through things hat can make it feel like the end of the world. It's only the very beginning of life for her. She's a strong girl. Tell her you love her and such mama god bless.
christina259
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:10 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting Myruhbel:

Tell her what my dad told me. That suicide is a temporary solution to a temporay problem. All things shall pass and she will be stronger once she makes it through it. We all go through things hat can make it feel like the end of the world. It's only the very beginning of life for her. She's a strong girl. Tell her you love her and such mama god bless.

 like this too.

proudmumof5
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 5:17 PM
1 mom liked this

 I will when I talk face to face with her, this is hard as hell to stay strong thru.  I just wish I could wrap my arms around her and make everything ok. The one time I need to be strong and Im having a hard with it, Im doing my best and having this website to come to is helping a lot! :)


Quoting Myruhbel:

Tell her what my dad told me. That suicide is a temporary solution to a temporay problem. All things shall pass and she will be stronger once she makes it through it. We all go through things hat can make it feel like the end of the world. It's only the very beginning of life for her. She's a strong girl. Tell her you love her and such mama god bless.


 

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