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So.... Relationship advice?

Okay, so here's our story.....

Beginning of senior year, My best friend, E, convinces me to go to a college party. She ditches me and I cant find her. So i go get a few drinks. Im feeling a bit tipsy, and meet J. He helps me upstairs to his room.... we get there and for some reason i think its a good idea to try to make out with him. He gladly goes along with it until things get a bit heated. Telling me he doesn't want to take advantage of me he stops.... After i sober up a bit, we sit in his room and talk, for hours, getting to know one another.It feels like a dream to me. He was perfect! When it gets to be around 1 or 2, we exchange #s and I go drag my drunk ass bestie home... for the Next week we text each other constantly, flirting and crap. He asks me out finally. I say yes. so we date for a couple weeks. I thought I loved him. So i told him. He replied with 'Me too.' Well, that night, was the first we had sex. I lost my virginity to him. From then on, We occasionally went on dates, but it was mostly a sexual relationship. I still thought I was comepletely and totally in love. I thought he was perfect. He was my world.... A few days before xmas, I find out I'm pregnant. I'm worried, but exstatic. I was a stupid teenager who expects everything will turn out perfect. That we'll get married and be the perfect family. That he wont get upset, we wont have financial issues, my parents wont mind. So, being cute, I get a little present box, put the pregnancy test in there (actually the multiple pg tests) and when he opens it on xmas, I say 'merry christmas baby, we're pregnant!' He smiles, hugs me and kisses my tummy. Then he literally was the perfect guy, we moved into an apartment, he was always kissing my belly, talking about how excited he was about the baby. Well, I went for my first ultrasound. They told me it was triplets. I was in shock. So i drove home and waited for him. (he was at work) When he came home He walked into the living room, kissed me, normal stuff. Then he noticed something was up. "Babe, whats wrong? Is peanut alright?" I nodded. "Yeah, of course peanut is alright.... Its just..... PeanutSSSS" He was confused. "As in more than one!" He about fainted and his eyes got sooo wide. I started crying. He held me and when he could finally talk, he asked how many. "Three... How are we gonna do this J? We couldn't even afford One!" He shrugged and looked upset. Then he said he was going to bed. He didn't speak again for the next few days. He was still in shock. When he finally came out of the funk, he came home from school one day and sat down on the couch next to me and said "Babe, I don't think I can do this anymore. I think We'd be better off if we split up, cuz i dont love you anymore." "What?!" "I-I'll do anything for the babies, I'll work all day, I'll quit school! I think we can do this, just not... Together." I nodded, and walked out of the apartment. I went home to my mother and she gladly gave me and my babies a home. We're still here to this day. 


The triplets are now 7 months old. And I just got off the phone with J. He wants to get back together. He says he's ready for us to be a family again. That he loves me and he never stopped. He just wasnt ready for the responsibility. I dont know what to think about this, but I cant stop thinking about it. Should i trust him again? Should I drop everything for him? After he shattered my heart in my time of need? Idk what to think..... So I need your opinions. <3 thanks mamas. *btw sorry for the length.... I get a bit carried away.*


*********** UPDATE **************   Just thought I'd let you ladies know, J and I are gonna go out on sunday, and see where things take us. We had a long talk about what we want and what happened and all that. :) He understands, and we're going to try to work it out. ********************************

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:24 AM
Replies (21-28):
Basherte
by Bronze Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:56 AM

I would give him another chance, but I wouldn't move in with him or anything yet. 

I think he is probably telling the truth about the not being ready for the repsonsibity and that he just didn't know how to handle it at all, and ended up making a bad decision. I was shocked when I read that you were pregnant with triplets. I can imagine how both you and he felt about it. 



wedding countdown

delanna6two
by Platinum Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 12:30 PM

Hugs...hope things work out...

soontobemomof2k
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 12:35 PM

Im all for second chances. Women grow up quicker than me and we're forced to handle our babies even if our s/o can't. 3 babies is alot for anyone especially a guy who just wasn't expecting that and couldn't handle it. What's it going to hurt to try again?

mommadana
by New Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 1:22 PM

He was great until the 3 kiddos part.  I understand his response (not breaking up with you but the freaking out part).  I would take it slow this time around.  The biggest indicator is what has he done since then?  How has he been with you and the babies after the breakup? Was he MIA?  There the whole way through Dr's appts and the birthing room?  Pops in once a month or so?  Pays CS to you?  Baby sits?  If he's been there and a total partner and a dad, I could see you taking him back.  If he's been a party animal and missing in action this whole time?  Yeah I would start giving him Daddy visits and see what happens very slowly.  Good luck and remember, if Momma's not happy, NO ONE'S happy.  So YOU be happy and if it's not with him, stay friends with him and tell it to him nicely.

Momma-2boys
by Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 5:41 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting Shaybay218:

I'd stay right with my family...He didnt love you anymore one time...it'll happen again...If you want to take him back...do it...just don't leave your moms house to be with him for awhile


I couldn't agree more. Stay where you are give the relationship time to grow make him prove he loves you and always will.
TripletMama180
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:07 AM
1 mom liked this

He comes around as much as he can. (between work and school he's pretty busy.) but at least 1-2 times a week he'll pop in and see them. He wasn't all the doctors appointments (again, work/school) but he was there for their birth. He was the first to hold his son (other than docs) and second/third to hold the girls. He doesn't do court mandated CS, but he does pay for alot of their stuff. (clothes, medicine, toys, ect.) He can't really babysit but he'll watch them while I do chores and stuff. He's the best dad they could have in this situation, imo. :) 

Quoting mommadana:

He was great until the 3 kiddos part.  I understand his response (not breaking up with you but the freaking out part).  I would take it slow this time around.  The biggest indicator is what has he done since then?  How has he been with you and the babies after the breakup? Was he MIA?  There the whole way through Dr's appts and the birthing room?  Pops in once a month or so?  Pays CS to you?  Baby sits?  If he's been there and a total partner and a dad, I could see you taking him back.  If he's been a party animal and missing in action this whole time?  Yeah I would start giving him Daddy visits and see what happens very slowly.  Good luck and remember, if Momma's not happy, NO ONE'S happy.  So YOU be happy and if it's not with him, stay friends with him and tell it to him nicely.



Supermommyof423
by Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 3:33 PM
Take it super slow. Talk to your mom and get her advice. If u decide to go back to him u need to know if your mom will be there to support u. If for whatever reason things don't work out u r gonna need help. I wouldn't be too judgmental with him cuz that is alot to take in. I hate things ended up the way that they did, but this is the age babies start saying Daddy. I wish the best for yall. Always remember those babies come first. This isn't something either of u can just throw on somebody else. This is forever.
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Supermommyof423
by Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 3:38 PM
Until he proves he loves u, can carry his own weight, and be a responsible adult I wouldn't move out. The babies need their own house. He needs a car. Beings yall are still young he is gonna need help doing all this. You can't rely on a spark of love. That doesn't feed, dress, and nurture three babies.
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