My father in law worked a job where he traveled frequently, he had intentions of retiring in the next few years. So we had suggested (3 years ago) that he stay with us on the weekends that he was home and it would keep him from having to pay a mortgage. And we agreed he would stay with us until he retired....Well here it is 3 years later, he retired in March 2012. I made the mention to him and asked if he was going to stay around here now that he's retired and his reply to me was, "I figured I would just stay with you until I die." And wasn't joking.
I am starting to resent ever making the offer. He is very healthy, no medical problems, he's very well off financially, and capable of living on his own. Since he's retired he has made the spare bedroom into his own "little apartment," he is a hermit in there. He doesn't come out of his bedroom except when he smells me cooking (and he eats ALOT) or when MY family comes over to visit. Then he weirdly just sits there with us and doesn't even join conversation. It is even to the point where my family is getting weirded out to come visit. They now ask, is your father in law home?
To top it all off, we are a young family with a young son and sometimes that can be a struggle financially. We sometimes live paycheck to paycheck. He doesn't pay for ANY of the bills, unless I ask him. Which I did twice as a last resort! I thought well he is short on cash until his social security goes through, so I won't complain. BUT then he came home the other day and was bragging to my husband that he went to do his taxes and made $82,000 last year!!! Are you serious? I was furious! That is almost triple what we make in ONE year! His car is paid off, he has no bills, he is on our cell phone plan. Then he doesn't even contribute to the grocery bill. Yet he continually eats constantly! He does however buy all the toilet paper and paper towels, because he doesn't like me "buying the cheap stuff." I feel like a prisoner in my own home! My son is outgrowing his room (he has the smallest room), yet my father in law has the largest bedroom in the house. I can't run around the house in my robe or relax of a day because when he's not in his room, he's sneaking around the house watching our every move. He doesn't like our dogs (which are our life!) and constantly complains about them begging for food, etc...
I have talked to my husband and he feels the same way, but we don't want to offend his dad. We don't want to hurt his feelings, but I also don't want to live like this. It is literally making me crazy! He sits dishes outside his bedroom door as if expecting me to clean up after him, he huffs and puffs if I don't have the dishwasher loaded each morning. IF he cooks, he leaves the pans out and TELLS me I have to get them cleaned up!! Of course he does all of that when he knows my husband is at work! He walks in the bathroom while we are showering (if we forget to lock the door) He makes comments about what we do on the weekends (we often have friends over for drinks and/or bonfires) He complains about our failure to maintain a constant level in the water softener, or we use the wrong furnace filters, or the fact that we don't use bottled water for our coffee pot. Just small things that cost a little extra money, we don't have. Is it wrong for me to feel like a prisoner? Do we burn that bridge and relationship by saying anything? I have even found myself at home during the day and I start to hear him walk downstairs so I run to the basement to hide and pretend I'm doing laundry, because its almost as if he's taking note of what we do of a day. He even made the comment to us that we are too busy and need to stop "spending so much time away from home." I'll admit we are very busy people. Our son is very active in sports, so we are constantly at some sort of game, match, wrestling meet. But that is how we have always lived our life!! Please moms what would you do??