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I can't do this today!!

Posted by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 10:00 AM
  • 9 Replies

My DH and I had another argument about $$ this morning, I keep telling him I will pick up another job to bring more money in: but he tells me he knows it is selfish, but due to concerns he has for my health (I have a seizure disorder), he doesn't want me to get a job because he is worried if I get over-tired I will have more issues (aka: worse case scenario - a Grand Mal seizure), and he "can't handle me doing that to him".  I am talking about trying to get a job at our local supermarket where I worked for years through college and before we had kids.  He said he would rather go get the job because he can deal with the lack of sleep, but he can't deal with me having another seizure. 

Last fall, we looked at moving to another house in the town were we lived that was twice the size of the house we have, and the mortgage and taxes would have been less then what we are paying for where we currently live. When my parents found out, they were upset, because right now we live across from them in the house I grew up in.  They did sell the house to us for a good price, but a year after we bought it the town went through a Property Tax Re-evaluation and our property taxes went from a little over $1700 a year to $3895 a year!  OUCH!  When my dad found out about us thinking about moving and I explained to him our reasonings, he e-mailed me back shortly after and offered to "hire" my DH in exchange for helping us pay for our property taxes...  But, because my Dad e-mailed me instead of talking to my DH directly, my DH doesn't know how to "bring it up" to my Dad.  For crying out loud - he e-mailed me last October and they live across the street!  Walk over, say "Dave, I want to talk to you about our property taxes...." How hard is that??

I have taken a cut in my pay because I run an in-home child care and am low on child care kiddos right now.  I know i am not the only one, as I have talked to other child cares in the area.  Even though I have had calls for more kiddos, they are the wrong age group for where my openings are.  In addition I have a couple of kiddos that are only part-time, which my philosophy is part-time is better than no-time (aka- having that slot sit completely empty).  I also have one little guy that went from 4 days a week to 2 days a week becauce his mom is not working right now, she just had a baby; and I will be starting with the baby the middle of next month... I know I should tell her that she needs to pay me for the 4 days because that is what she is "contracted" for, but I don't have the heart to do that knowing she is not making anything right now, and has a new little one to pay for.

That is another thing, because I run the child care and am "stuck home" all day, I would love to be the one to pick up the job so 1)our kids can actually see their father and 2)I have a chance to get out of the house without them.  Is that too much to ask?

Please don't tell me to get out of child care and get another job, we have looked at that and to put our DS in child care full-time and our DD in child care after-school, it wouldn't make sense financially.  I am a state certified teacher, and each spring see what is going to be available that fall for teaching positions, and apply accordingly.  I know I could easliy get a job working as an Ed.Tech., but again, I would still have to pay to have DS in child-care full-time.  I will have a full house in the summer, so we really just need something to get us through until then.  I am not even sure what is out there right now for jobs, but something is better than nothing!

<Rant is now over, thanks for listening!>

by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 10:00 AM
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Replies (1-9):
Janet
by Ruby Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 10:25 AM
Why not talk to your father in person about hiring your husband.
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MomofHDFandNWF
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 10:49 AM

I talk to my dad all the time about other things... I see him at least a couple times a week after all.  But, earlier in our marriage, people would ask me "Hey, do you think DH would be able to.." (fill in the blank.  I would say "I don't see it being a problem..." and they would take that as a "Yes".  After a while, it would bother him, and he felt I was "speaking" for him and not giving him the chance to speak for himself.  Since that was the case, I really try to not "speak" for my husband any more.  Since it is him my dad wants to hire, not me, I really think it should be DH that speaks to him.  If my dad wants to have him mow the lawn once a week during the summer and do odd chores around the house when my dad has to work 60 hours a week, who am I to say "Sure, DH can do that!"  KWIM?

Quoting Janet:

Why not talk to your father in person about hiring your husband.


breebree04
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:22 AM
1 mom liked this

Maybe you could just bring it to your dads attention that you got his email and that he should talk to your dh about it. That way you are basically initiating the conversation but not telling your dad that your dh will or will not work for him.

MomofHDFandNWF
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:30 AM

Back when I first received it... I did awknowledge that we had received it, and that if it "got to that point" I would have DH talk to him about it.  But, at that time I still had a couple extra kids in child care and not the oil bills to pay that come up during the winter (or bags of pellets to buy, or the $600 repair to DH's car this weekend...).

I think DH would be fine working for him because it wouldn't be a "punching the clock" type of scenario; which when we talk about him getting another job, that is what he says he would like to get.  I know he (DH) means well, but he talks about doing something and very rarely ever follows through!  I am definitely more of the "go-getter" in the relationship... always have been... and it is just starting to take it toll I guess.  We need to do something, because it seems like every month we are having to dip into our savings which is suppose to be set aside for property taxes.  Next time we have to pay our taxes I am worried we are going to be up the proverbial creek... 

Quoting breebree04:

Maybe you could just bring it to your dads attention that you got his email and that he should talk to your dh about it. That way you are basically initiating the conversation but not telling your dad that your dh will or will not work for him.


breebree04
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:43 AM

 well you may have to give dh a kick in the ass and get him moving lol I hope something works out for you. I know how it is being strapped for cash but I agree with dh that it probably would not be wise for you to be the one to get the second job with your medical issues plus you needed to be rested if you take care of kids all day. Hopefully your dh will follow through with something before its too late. Good Luck


Quoting MomofHDFandNWF:

Back when I first received it... I did awknowledge that we had received it, and that if it "got to that point" I would have DH talk to him about it.  But, at that time I still had a couple extra kids in child care and not the oil bills to pay that come up during the winter (or bags of pellets to buy, or the $600 repair to DH's car this weekend...).

I think DH would be fine working for him because it wouldn't be a "punching the clock" type of scenario; which when we talk about him getting another job, that is what he says he would like to get.  I know he (DH) means well, but he talks about doing something and very rarely ever follows through!  I am definitely more of the "go-getter" in the relationship... always have been... and it is just starting to take it toll I guess.  We need to do something, because it seems like every month we are having to dip into our savings which is suppose to be set aside for property taxes.  Next time we have to pay our taxes I am worried we are going to be up the proverbial creek... 

Quoting breebree04:

Maybe you could just bring it to your dads attention that you got his email and that he should talk to your dh about it. That way you are basically initiating the conversation but not telling your dad that your dh will or will not work for him.



 

OliviasMommy611
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 2:21 PM
I'd tell my dh bottom line he has to talk to my dad about it.
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OliviasMommy611
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 2:21 PM
And I'm sorry :(
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Shaybay218
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 7:22 PM

*HUGS* 

splatz
by Sarah on Feb. 22, 2013 at 7:43 PM
Hope things get better for you mama!
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