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It takes a village to raise a child...or...back off and let me do it?

Posted by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 10:41 PM
  • 7 Replies

This is a little bit venting and a little bit curiosity.

I have a 10 year old stepdaughter who primarily lives with us, but goes to her mom for 2 months in the summer and either Christmas or Spring Break of each school year. Her mom and maternal grandmother live together in another state. But she also has an uncle and a sort of adopted grandmother (We'll call her Grandma B) here in town with us. She almost never sees her uncle but Grandma B, who isn't blood related but was her babysitter and a long time family friend on her BM's side, wants to have her every other weekend. I really like this lady but man...sometimes I strongly disagree with the things she does with/for SD.

SD's birthday was in mid-February. Well, due to illness (if SD has been sick she doesn't get to go to Grandma B as the woman is in her late 70's and has a weakened immune system) and due to school things like the science fair, SD hasn't seen her in almost a month. So she went to spend the night last night and Grandma B took her shopping for birthday presents. She came home with the most ridiculous stuff (A huge rubber ball, like the size of a large exercise ball, among a bunch of other cheap stuff that SD won't play with) AND a big icecream cake. This cake could easily feed a dozen people. I don't have room for something like that in my fridge or freezer and my family won't eat it all in one sitting.

My husband just smiled and said "It takes a village..." like that made it all okay. Grandma B is always doing things like this even after being asked not to send home all the things SD collects when she spends time there. We just don't have room for all this...junk...

However, Grandma B isn't the only one who does it. My MIL is just as bad about bringing junk over...and by junk I mean used toys that are in poor condition, the backs of cereal boxes so the kids can do the activities, scraps of material so the kids can play dress up--but seriously the scraps are like three inches long by half an inch thick. There are others who do it, too, but not quite to the same extent that Grandma B does.

I love that SD has this strong, sweet, female as a role model as well as a grandmother, but I also dislike that she still lets SD baby talk, interrupt, and be rude by not responding to people when they talk to her. I know I can't really tell Grandma B how to do things and even when she's been asked she'll still do things her way.

Grandma B and I do have a good relationship, please don't get me wrong. I just could do without some of her spoiling tactics.

Anyway, do your kids have a lot of outside influences or are you always the final say so?

With my bio-kids they still get some of the outside influence from extended family but they don't have a situation like SD and they don't stay over night with anyone except my own parents and even that is rare.

 

by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 10:41 PM
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Replies (1-7):
goddess99
by Michelle on Mar. 4, 2013 at 9:37 AM

I have the final say in everything that has to do with my dd. She also spends the night places and comes home with junk. I send the junk right back lol.

Janet
by Ruby Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 10:09 AM
I am raising my two grandchildren. They go to there mom's one weekend and there dads the next. They don't bring junk home but we do have a lot of outside influences, which makes it hard. I do listen to their opinions but I have the final say.
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delanna6two
by Platinum Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 1:24 PM

I think it's ok sometimes...but I feel the parents should have the final say.

alisheamonet33
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 5:06 PM

the parents shpuld always have the final say

MJP76
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 6:11 PM

We are the final say so, always. 

MamaMoopsie
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 6:54 PM

 I hate feeling like the bad guy. Grandma B takes my SD to church with her and lets SD sign up to be in church productions without asking us. Sometimes we let her, but others we have things going on that were already planned. She used to send home all these little purses and those Subway kids meal bags to the point that we just didn't have any room, so I forbid any more purses or take out bags/boxes. I'm the bad guy. DH doesn't have a problem with any of this. In his eyes Grandma B can do no wrong, but I hate the clutter in my home. It's not like I don't have enough--I mean we have four kids, there's a ton of clutter.

I just wish Grandma B would ask about some of the stuff she does, like the icecream cake or HUGE bouncy ball that there really isn't room for except in SD's closet which is already crowded with junk that she doesn't want to get rid of. SD is a pack rat. I'm not. And all these outside influeces--her mom (I guess she's not really an OUTSIDE influence, but she's not really active in SD's life) and the three grandmothers (adoptive, maternal, and paternal) are also all hoarders.


Quoting goddess99:

I have the final say in everything that has to do with my dd. She also spends the night places and comes home with junk. I send the junk right back lol.


 

goddess99
by Michelle on Mar. 4, 2013 at 8:11 PM

I've started telling people that if you want my dd to have that - it will have to stay at your house. And I tell my dd if you bring junk home, I will throw it away. That has helped some, luckily she loses interest quick and by the time she goes to bell she's already done with it so in the trash it goes and she has never once asked me about any of it.

Quoting MamaMoopsie:

 I hate feeling like the bad guy. Grandma B takes my SD to church with her and lets SD sign up to be in church productions without asking us. Sometimes we let her, but others we have things going on that were already planned. She used to send home all these little purses and those Subway kids meal bags to the point that we just didn't have any room, so I forbid any more purses or take out bags/boxes. I'm the bad guy. DH doesn't have a problem with any of this. In his eyes Grandma B can do no wrong, but I hate the clutter in my home. It's not like I don't have enough--I mean we have four kids, there's a ton of clutter.

I just wish Grandma B would ask about some of the stuff she does, like the icecream cake or HUGE bouncy ball that there really isn't room for except in SD's closet which is already crowded with junk that she doesn't want to get rid of. SD is a pack rat. I'm not. And all these outside influeces--her mom (I guess she's not really an OUTSIDE influence, but she's not really active in SD's life) and the three grandmothers (adoptive, maternal, and paternal) are also all hoarders.


Quoting goddess99:

I have the final say in everything that has to do with my dd. She also spends the night places and comes home with junk. I send the junk right back lol.




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