My son, now 9 months old is the first grandchild for my family. My mom was understandably excited and since his arrival she's been a doting gramma.
When I was a child my parents lost a baby. She died after six months in the hospital. Neither of my parents ever really healed. Over the last 26 years her memory has never been far from my mom. While I understand her grief and wishes that things could have been different, she's starting to make me feel uncomfortable having her around my son.
She's started saying he's her baby and telling people that he's her second chance at having the baby she lost. Just the other day she told someone that she feels like he takes the place of her baby. She also tells people that she makes beautiful grandchildren. She's started trying to tell me what he should eat, play with, etc.
I love my mom and want my son to have a relationship with his gramma, but she's making me uncomfortable and I'm starting to wonder if having her spend time with him is a good idea.
Hugs...I hope that things will work out...
I would confront (nicely) the things as they come up. For instance when she says I make beautiful grandbabies say no but I sure make beautiful babies. When she says this is her second chance, nicely say no but its your first chance to be a great grandma, ect. If this doesnt work you may have to be blunt but I really dont think she means anything by her comments and she probably doesnt realize it bothers you. I wouldnt keep your ds away from his grandma over this.
Oh wow, that is heartbreaking. I almost lost my son and that was horror enough. I don't even know of any advice to give. I'm sorry for you and your Mom
I've tried various tactics, when she says she makes beautiful grandbabies I said that my husband and I made a beautiful child, her response was that she made me therefore she made a beautiful grandbaby. I've tried to remind her that she's a gramma, which she has no problem remembering when she wants to spoil him- "I can because I'm his Gramma, not his Mom," but seems to forget when she's trying to micromanage his life. She has a similar tactic in which she takes credit for everything good I've done while everything she doesn't approve of came from my father.
I'm trying to be kind, the thought of losing my son makes me sick to my stomach, but I can't help thinking that it has been 26 years. I feel like she has been using her loss as a way to get attention.
Thank you all for your support, it really makes a difference to me. :) If anyone has any advice or maybe has encountered a similar situation I would love to hear it. Thank you again!
Quoting breebree04:I would confront (nicely) the things as they come up. For instance when she says I make beautiful grandbabies say no but I sure make beautiful babies. When she says this is her second chance, nicely say no but its your first chance to be a great grandma, ect. If this doesnt work you may have to be blunt but I really dont think she means anything by her comments and she probably doesnt realize it bothers you. I wouldnt keep your ds away from his grandma over this.
I do feel bad for your mom. But to say this is her second chance at having the baby that she lost? That is disturbing. I can't even imagine losing a child, but I would pray I wouldn't do things like try to say what he should eat or play with basically trying to be mom and for sure say things like that. 26 years later, trying to use my grandchild as my missing son.
I would for sure talk to her. A lot of gramma's, sadly, over step as it is, let alone what she has had to deal with. So I would for sure talk to her about it. I am sure people that hear her say these things are just as weirded out, so it would be good for someone to bring it up to her.
Wheel of consequences
- Squirrel1309
on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:22 AM