Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom to Mom Mom to Mom

She's Gramma, not Mom!

Posted by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:22 AM
  • 11 Replies

     My son, now 9 months old is the first grandchild for my family. My mom was understandably excited and since his arrival she's been a doting gramma.

      When I was a child my parents lost a baby. She died after six months in the hospital. Neither of my parents ever really healed. Over the last 26 years her memory has never been far from my mom. While I understand her grief and wishes that things could have been different, she's starting to make me feel uncomfortable having her around my son.

     She's started saying he's her baby and telling people that he's her second chance at having the baby she lost. Just the other day she told someone that she feels like he takes the place of her baby. She also tells people that she makes beautiful grandchildren. She's started trying to tell me what he should eat, play with, etc.

   I love my mom and want my son to have a relationship with his gramma, but she's making me uncomfortable and I'm starting to wonder if having her spend time with him is a good idea.

by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:22 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
goddess99
by Michelle on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:36 AM
2 moms liked this

I feel bad for your mom. I would talk to her, tell her how you're feeling.

delanna6two
by Platinum Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:41 AM
1 mom liked this

Hugs...I hope that things will work out...

breebree04
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:52 PM
3 moms liked this

I would confront (nicely) the things as they come up. For instance when she says I make beautiful grandbabies say no but I sure make beautiful babies. When she says this is her second chance, nicely say no but its your first chance to be a great grandma, ect. If this doesnt work you may have to be blunt but I really dont think she means anything by her comments and she probably doesnt realize it bothers you. I wouldnt keep your ds away from his grandma over this.

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 1:03 PM
3 moms liked this

*hugs* Be gentle with her.

zacmacsmomm
by Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 6:12 PM

Oh wow, that is heartbreaking.  I almost lost my son and that was horror enough.  I don't even know of any advice to give.  I'm sorry for you and your Mom

Squirrel1309
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 7:43 PM

I've tried various tactics, when she says she makes beautiful grandbabies I said that my husband and I made a  beautiful child, her response was that she made me therefore she made a beautiful grandbaby.  I've tried to remind her that she's a gramma, which she has no problem remembering when she wants to spoil him- "I can because I'm his Gramma, not his Mom," but seems to forget when she's trying to micromanage his life. She has a similar tactic in which she takes credit for everything good I've done while everything she doesn't approve of came from my father.

I'm trying to be kind, the thought of losing my son makes me sick to my stomach, but I can't help thinking that it has been 26 years. I feel like she has been using her loss as a way to get attention.

Thank you all for your support, it really makes a difference to me. :) If anyone has any advice or maybe has encountered a similar situation I would love to hear it. Thank you again!

Janet
by Ruby Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 8:43 PM
1 mom liked this
This

Quoting breebree04:

I would confront (nicely) the things as they come up. For instance when she says I make beautiful grandbabies say no but I sure make beautiful babies. When she says this is her second chance, nicely say no but its your first chance to be a great grandma, ect. If this doesnt work you may have to be blunt but I really dont think she means anything by her comments and she probably doesnt realize it bothers you. I wouldnt keep your ds away from his grandma over this.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Pammi86
by Pamela on Mar. 6, 2013 at 9:05 PM

I would talk to her.

splatz
by Sarah on Mar. 6, 2013 at 9:49 PM
I agree with the other ladies. Good luck mama!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MichelleMc
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 9:55 PM
1 mom liked this

I do feel bad for your mom. But to say this is her second chance at having the baby that she lost? That is disturbing. I can't even imagine losing a child, but I would pray I wouldn't do things like try to say what he should eat or play with basically trying to be mom and for sure say things like that. 26 years later, trying to use my grandchild as my missing son. 

I would for sure talk to her. A lot of gramma's, sadly, over step as it is, let alone what she has had to deal with. So I would for sure talk to her about it. I am sure people that hear her say these things are just as weirded out, so it would be good for someone to bring it up to her. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN