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Does this make me a bad friend?? **UPDATE!! PLEASE RE-READ!**

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 8:35 PM
  • 8 Replies

Every time my friend and her husband fight its always the same thing, he calls her names, she swears she getting a divorce, he's going to screw another broad, and this time I'm serious. I hear this crap every week, she asks my opinion and I always tell her what I think. But since this is a constant habit of theirs I'm really getting tired of hearing it.. it's the same b.s. over and over again. Now I didnt mind listening to her problems but now its just irritating! Another I cant stand is the constant posts on Facebook, "i love you my king, the greatest in the world!" and in 5 mins "i can't believe my own husband removed me from the friends list" I'm already fed up with it and I refuse to hear her out, but am I wrong for it?


**UPDATE**  So now that I told my friend I don't hear her problems and dont want to be involved, my DH and I went to her husbands house and he had another woman there. My friend and her husband have a long distant marriage.  Well anyways now that we know he had a woman there, do I tell her?? I would want to know if it was my husband. My DH doesnt want me telling her because all it's going to do is cause problems. Need help!!

by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 8:35 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Janet
by Ruby Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 8:50 PM
2 moms liked this
No, I would be sick of it too.
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StayHomeMom0610
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 8:53 PM

Thank you! She went on a rant facebook how friends should always be there and mentioning my name. Ugh! grow up

Quoting Janet:

No, I would be sick of it too.


notjstanothrmom
by Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 8:57 PM
I would just tell her that she needs to decide what she wants.

I have this problem with a friend except she isn't married, not even dating the guy. They see each other, hook up, hang out for months without hooking up, best friends but he keeps her hidden, she hangs with his family, he is on and off with this other girl with kids, yadda yadda yadda. I get annoyed listening but I also tell her how it is. "He is using you. He knows you're going to be there no matter what."
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StayHomeMom0610
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 9:02 PM

I always tell her what are you going to do now, now that you know for sure.. and its always the same thing.. I dont want to cut her out of my life it's an occurence that I don't want to put up with!


Quoting notjstanothrmom:

I would just tell her that she needs to decide what she wants.

I have this problem with a friend except she isn't married, not even dating the guy. They see each other, hook up, hang out for months without hooking up, best friends but he keeps her hidden, she hangs with his family, he is on and off with this other girl with kids, yadda yadda yadda. I get annoyed listening but I also tell her how it is. "He is using you. He knows you're going to be there no matter what."


notjstanothrmom
by Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 9:04 PM
I would have a good conversation with her about it and what you think should happen and why and then tell her that if she wants to stick around that you don't want to hear about their household drama. Either she accepts it or she doesn't. It does not make you a bad friend for not wanting to listen to how someone you care for is being mistreated.

Quoting StayHomeMom0610:

I always tell her what are you going to do now, now that you know for sure.. and its always the same thing.. I dont want to cut her out of my life it's an occurence that I don't want to put up with!


Quoting notjstanothrmom:

I would just tell her that she needs to decide what she wants.



I have this problem with a friend except she isn't married, not even dating the guy. They see each other, hook up, hang out for months without hooking up, best friends but he keeps her hidden, she hangs with his family, he is on and off with this other girl with kids, yadda yadda yadda. I get annoyed listening but I also tell her how it is. "He is using you. He knows you're going to be there no matter what."


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MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Mar. 8, 2013 at 9:15 PM

No. I would be tired of it too.

Knightquester
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 9:28 PM
1 mom liked this

No, but if she asks why you no longer listen to her rants tell her the truth, say what you said here.  If she gets upset let her know she can get upset because you aren't anymore happier with having to listen to her complain over and over about the same thing but never doing anything about it.

Tell her if she wishes that kind of friendship then she should seek therapy because you're not therapist nor are you interested in giving her suggestions and listening to the same problems in her life she's not interested in changing or doing something about.

I wouldn't feel bad about weeding out this friend.  I had one like her awhile back and it's taken years but she's almost fully weeded out of my life, with the exception to a few rare phone calls.  She no longer complains anymore because I've basically said I didn't want to hear it.  People like your friend often don't ever change, and they can be taxing on your mental health, not to mention it can almost feel like they're dragging you into their own toxic drama they're clinging onto.

SlapItHigh
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 9:03 AM

It's normal to be irritated by such behavior and its healthy to put up boundaries. You can still love her and be a good friend to her. Just let her know you won't enable this behavior. Being there and having to tolerate ridiculous drama is not the same thing. 

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