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is it wrong of me to say no to bar?

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My hubby hasnt really drank much in over a year,but he just started  new job and made a new friend. Well ever since his friends been coming around hes drank everyday!! Itsdriving me crazy. We got in a HUGE fight over it last week because him andhis friend got stupid drunk DURING theday with the kids awake and he was being SO disrespectful!

Well today his friend came over while he was in the shower and ask me if my husbad could go the bar with him saturday. Luckily we already had plans to go on a double date with my mom and her friend, so i didnt have to look like a flat out bitch just saying NO. He then was telling me he wanted to go to meet girls! I'm sorry but that does not help change my mind!! My husband does not need to be out "girl" hunting with you in bars(or anywhere)!!! Then on my hubbys lunch break he(DH) texts me and asks if he can go up to the bar for a couple beers after work! UM NO. This is really pissing me off. My DH was responsible, and sweet before this guy came around, now hes like being married to a 15 year old!!! I really didnt want to be the bitch wife that says he cant be friends with him anymore, but their giving me no choice!!!! Its affecting mine and my childrens lives!... What would you do?

by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 10:23 PM
Replies (21-27):
DazeDelights
by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 10:35 PM
This is just a new thing for him.
I wouldn't really restrict him from going to the bar because he will only fight you on if. I would just sit down and talk and maybe compromise on a day or two that he could go to the bar but hke would have to make sure the kids didn't see him drunk. After a while bar hopping will get old...or leave him home with the kids and you go bar hopping a few times then maybe he will see how you feel.
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my4loves4
by Member on Mar. 15, 2013 at 11:03 PM

 

This is the way i thought at first, its more that im just not comfortable with the people he wants to go with. If it was a friend who was also married with kids and knew he had responsibilities then it would be diffrent, but his friend is young, single, no kids. I see how diffrent my husband gets just hanging out with him at home, i could only imagine at a bar and im not around. Its not that i beleive my husband would cheat, but i'd rather not allow him to be put in a situation where theres more of a chance. Being Drunk with a single man whose out to find women at a bar filled with lots of drunk women, just dosnt make me feel safe.

Quoting DazeDelights:

This is just a new thing for him.
I wouldn't really restrict him from going to the bar because he will only fight you on if. I would just sit down and talk and maybe compromise on a day or two that he could go to the bar but hke would have to make sure the kids didn't see him drunk. After a while bar hopping will get old...or leave him home with the kids and you go bar hopping a few times then maybe he will see how you feel.


 

DazeDelights
by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 11:34 PM
I completely understand how you are feeling but sadly we can't pick our spouses friends. Just voice that this man has nothing to lose and he has everything to lose.

Quoting my4loves4:

 


This is the way i thought at first, its more that im just not comfortable with the people he wants to go with. If it was a friend who was also married with kids and knew he had responsibilities then it would be diffrent, but his friend is young, single, no kids. I see how diffrent my husband gets just hanging out with him at home, i could only imagine at a bar and im not around. Its not that i beleive my husband would cheat, but i'd rather not allow him to be put in a situation where theres more of a chance. Being Drunk with a single man whose out to find women at a bar filled with lots of drunk women, just dosnt make me feel safe.


Quoting DazeDelights:

This is just a new thing for him.
I wouldn't really restrict him from going to the bar because he will only fight you on if. I would just sit down and talk and maybe compromise on a day or two that he could go to the bar but hke would have to make sure the kids didn't see him drunk. After a while bar hopping will get old...or leave him home with the kids and you go bar hopping a few times then maybe he will see how you feel.



 

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SlapItHigh
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 12:59 AM
Yes, this.


Quoting goddess99:

I would tell him, his drinking is affecting his family. I wouldn't tolerate it.


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Basherte
by Bronze Member on Mar. 16, 2013 at 8:10 AM

I wouldn't tolerate it.

If this were me and my husband. I would ask my husband if he really wants to go out looking for women. If he does, then fine. 

The house would be empty when he got back. 

His wife and child(ren) should come before a friend. Especially when that friend is taking him down the roads he is taking him down. 


CafeMom Tickers
Eve-marie
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 8:38 AM

Sit him down and remind him that he is a husband and father. Tell him that this particular friend is influencing your entire family, in a bad way. He is not 15 and he should be able to decide on his own, to stop the destructive behaviour once you've pointed it out. He has to act responsibly and set a good example for his children. Good luck.

Christie1952
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 11:45 AM

Contact AA and see if they have a program for you to attend! My husband is an alcoholic and it took years for him to quit. Do not let this behavior go on without a fight from you!

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