Maybe I'm not doing it right or trying hard enough or could I STILL be in denial to get the real help I need? Having PPD is like nothing I've ever experienced. I was diagnosed a year after having my first and 1 month after having my second child. I was immediately put on anti depressants because I was borderline not able to care for myself or my children. Even though I was crying all the time, I would go into fits of rage so severe I felt like my heart was exploding in my chest, pulling my hair out, not being able to breathe or think. Here, I have these 2 beautiful gifts from God whom I love more than my next breath and would die for, and I felt like I was crumbling under an enormous weight. I used to feel smart. Now, putting sentences together can feel like a distracted task, forget giving me a real problem to solve. And I hate it, I love my life, but I hate it! Does that make any sense? If you have PPD I'm sure it does. So the anti depressant I was on, as my doctor warned me, caused me to gain weight. So I stopped. Now, I'm overweight and feel like a lunatic again. But then I think to myself "It's been 3 years! Get over it, you're just a selfish insecure brat who just can't be grateful for your life!" At least that's what my husband says as well. So, my question to you, is how long did you or have you suffered? What worked? I avoided therapy because like I said, I feel partly in denial and partly like there's something seriously wrong with me that can never be fixed. Can I go back to my doctor and it still be PPD after almost 3 years?
on Mar. 16, 2013 at 12:29 AM