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Telling his biological dad...

I hope someone is going through this or has been through it.

I got pregnant with my first son, when I found out I was pregnant, DS bio dad thought I was lying just to keep him around. That was enough for me and I left it at that. I ended up with my now husband when I was 2 months pregnant. Our son has known him as nothing but his daddy. My husband and I also have a 1 year daughter now. We planned on leaving things the way they are and letting DS think that DH was his father. Now I'm questioning all the choices I have made, and I am now wanting to tell DS biological father that he has a child. But I don't know where to even begin.

DS bio dad knows that I have a kids (through mutual friends). I believe he just thinks that DS is my hunbands child, or atleast he forces himself to believe that.

I have found his biological father through Facebook, but that doesn't sound like the greatest way to contact him and let him know he was a child.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! And please no back lash, I made my decisions for other reasons also. Thanks!
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by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 3:48 PM
Replies (11-13):
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 9:05 PM

Even if his bio dad signs over his rights, her son has a right to know. And the sooner the better. You may want to look at what the research is showing on this. It does NOT show that it's cruel to tell a 4 yo. It shows that its best to tell them as soon as possible in age appropriate ways. You should seek the help of a professional either way. Any child living without a biological parent needs to learn how to cope with that. 

by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 9:13 PM

I would tell him that he has a son but since the way he treated you while you where pregniant you moved on with you life. If he wants to get to know his son now is the last chance you will give him, but always work on keeping tabs on so far the sperm donor in case you need medical records as you son grows older.

by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 10:48 PM
I agree 100% with this mom, I'd wait to tell him.

Quoting MichelleMc:

At four, it is almost cruel to tell him now. He will not even close to understand. NO WAY would I do it now. That is my personal opinion. Everyone is all about bio dad, bio dad. He had a choice, he made it. 

I know people that reacted both ways. I know people that found out at 10, 18, 20, never til a parent died. Everyone handled it differently. Some say they are glad they didn't know young, some say they wish they knew sooner. I think that too young is NOT good. They don't understand it, and surely don't know what is going on. They don't grasp it all & it is just bringing drama & hard feelings. 

So you tell him, and the bio dad STILL wants nothing to do with him, so now, you brought all that heart ache for no reason. 

Honestly, the earliest I think someone should be told is 12. Even then, I think it goes by their maturity. How can they handle things, I think when you do tell them, if you sit them down & are honest about blood, love & how Blood might be thicker than water, but LOVE this thicker than all, it might not even matter to him about a bio dad that wasn't in his life. He has a DAD that cared & mattered. 

And it isn't lying. Your husband is his dad. Just because he wasn't the sperm donar has nothing to do with it.

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