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I Can't Do This Any More

Posted by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 3:18 PM
  • 30 Replies

 

Poll

Question: should i leave

Options:

hell yea run

no you are a monter get over it

get over it and be a mother


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 26

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I have never "bonded" with my child. She is almost 3 and I kinda hate her, but I guess I should start from the begining.. I am in a bad relationship (no one in my family cares) he saw me at work and litarty said to himself "she will be my wife and bare my child" I did not really get a say in any of it. We started Dating and he started hitting me, no one beleaved me. 3 months later I was pregnant. I was 20 and missed my 21 birthday. My grandmother died and he thew a tantrum at the funaral couse a was not paying attenation to him... I hated my pregnancy, I did not want a baby but he made sure to tell everyone I was pregnent right away so i could not abort. I lost my body, went from a firm sexy curvy size 8 to a flabby gross 16 couse i was on bed rest so much and could no work out (PT have even told me the only why the "fold" is going away is with a tummy tuck) I had to quit my wonderful job to be a SAHM and breastfeed (something i had no say in) (my family and husband had more say in raising this girl then me) I have no car and was made to move to a diffent town were none of the apt nab. speak eniglish! (my husband is mexican) so I am stuck here all day in this tiny 1 bedroom underground were i sleep in the living room (ps before i met him i had a huge place $1000 month)my family showers her with beautiful clothes (designer for a 3 year old!) I own 1, 1! pair of jeans (goodwill) she has purses and toys SHE DOES NOT CARE! the one this I love (my dog) she tortures (you know what I mean hits, kicks, pinchs, pushs SITS ON) one day he is going to bite her and it will be deserved but guess who will get killed I ONE THING I LOVE. My husband is just as bad I have to do everything, clean cook take care of the kid. I cook every night but as I cook HE IS EATING! When dinner is ready he is not hungry BIG F-ING SHOCK. But if I dont cook, tantrum. I had surgary last month so i had to ask him to do stuff "whine, whine, whine" well im sorry i had SURGARY AND CANT MOVE! CAN YOU PLEASE GET YOUR KID TO STOP JUMPING ON ME! and the sex god i am so sick of this. I am not allowed to say no, and last night he proved he does not care if i am AWAKE. I want to leave I want to just get up and walk away. My famliy has proved time and again they do not care if i have a Black eye as long as i take care of the kid. I dont need clothes only my kid does. But I cant leave I have no money, no car, nothing. I dont want to go to a shelter. Last time a checked into a haspital (i have tried to kill myself over and over agian hell my husband comes home from work sees that ive taken all of my meds again and just egnores me) my mom came over and said that I was lying about the abuse, he never hit me. (she see's me once a week she just likes her blinders) thanks for reading its nice to finally get this out I dont care about anything nevaitive or spelling I just typed as fast as posible I might not even check beck so thanks for reading

by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 3:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
goddess99
by Michelle on Mar. 29, 2013 at 4:51 PM
4 moms liked this

I sounds like you weren't ready to be married or have a child. You need to leave With your baby and go to a women's shelter. There you will get help so you can stand on your own two feet again, learn how to care for and love your baby. I don't think you hate your baby, you hate the situation you're in. You could also get help to divorce him, because he WILL NOT get better, things will Not change. You must leave.

RADmomma
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 4:57 PM
3 moms liked this
I agree. You don't feel love for your child because you resent her. Everyone treats her better & your life changed because of her.

Scoop her up & run. You will learn to love her when he is out if the picture.


Quoting goddess99:

I sounds like you weren't ready to be married or have a child. You need to leave With your baby and go to a women's shelter. There you will get help so you can stand on your own two feet again, learn how to care for and love your baby. I don't think you hate your baby, you hate the situation you're in. You could also get help to divorce him, because he WILL NOT get better, things will Not change. You must leave.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
kss12
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 5:06 PM
So clearly you have some major issues with the person you're with.. So you need to leave. There's no question. If he's abusive to you then there's a possibility that she will get abused too! You need to take her with you. Obviously you weren't ready to have a child but you'd regret that later in life. To say that you have "no choice" in all of these matters is not true, you have more of a choice than anyone.. So you need to start acting like it. You have no money, your family won't help you? I can't believe that. You don't have access to your husbands accounts? You have to figure out a way!
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rebecca.n
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 5:12 PM

I think deep down you really do love your child. I think its because you weren't ready to become an mother that you've started to resent her. I know for me it took a while to bond with my first because he was an "oops" baby. You need to leave with your daughter and start over completely. Do whatever you need to do to get your husband out of your life.

DazeDelights
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 6:23 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm going to be the bad person and say that you need to leave without your child. She is the prize possession of the family.

I believe you when you say you have no bond with your child. I also believe if you leave with her you will resent her more because then you will be under the stress of trying to take care of both of you. You clearly have no plan or safe haven so how will you provide for her?

If you take her the family will retaliate and you may be committed or put in jail since they are known to lie
Another thing that could not saying it would happen is that you may end up abusing her mentally or physically. Again not saying you would ever do it but with the right amount of stress anger and fear who knows?

Whatever you do or go please get help to deal woth your self hate issues. Everyone deserves to love themselves...how can we love another if we don't love ourselves?
I really hope you figure things out.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Janet
by Ruby Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 6:39 PM
I agree!

Quoting goddess99:

I sounds like you weren't ready to be married or have a child. You need to leave With your baby and go to a women's shelter. There you will get help so you can stand on your own two feet again, learn how to care for and love your baby. I don't think you hate your baby, you hate the situation you're in. You could also get help to divorce him, because he WILL NOT get better, things will Not change. You must leave.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
leavinglasvegas
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 7:03 PM
1 mom liked this

How do you start out with a great job and you're own apartment but you "have no choice" in anything that has happened in your adult life - including who you married and had a child with?

I'm not saying he isn't abusive, but start taking some responsibility for the choices YOU have made in your life and stop taking it out on your daughter. Leave and get therapy. You are in no position to take care of a child.

KristaAnne
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:01 PM

Message me if you need someone to chat with.  

I'd take the baby and go to a women's shelter (domestic violence shelter)  They will help you and your baby.  I would call 211 from your phone and get in touch with someone who will help you.  211 offers resources in your area to help you.  You can work through it, however, it will be tough.  Once you check into the domestic abuse shelter (it's not as bad as it seems) you will be protected from any further abuse.  Also, whether you're married to the man or not, it doesn't matter, when you say "no" and he continues to touch you sexually it's considered sexual assault.

EvaTheDiva29
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:10 PM

i didn't even get half way through that....pack you and your dd up and run. never look back. you can still fix you and your dd. you can't fix stupid and that is exactly what him and his family are. eff that! 

IWantOneMorePlz
by Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:19 PM

Leave.  Take the baby and leave.  Go to a shelter.  Explain what is going on.  Get restraining order.   Cut contact with your family.  They are no good.  

This next statement may get people mad as hell at me.  If you don't feel you are able to take care of your child, ask CPS to put her into foster care.  If you are being abused, chances are that she will be too if you leave her with him.  

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