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Am I really a BAD mom???

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Recently my aunt came to visit and she told me i was a bad mom. About 2 yrs ago i started school full time and worked full time i didnt really have a lot of time for my daughter and her dad had moved out and didnt want to help so she became attached to my mom and dad, now that im done with school she still goes to her grandparents, mainly because they never say no to her. This month when my aunt visited she said i was a bad mom because i dont play with my daughter as much, because i like to go out once a week with a friend after she goes to sleep, because i dont cook, and because my daughter is too attached to my parents in her opinion. Does this really make me a "bad" mom??? FYI she isnt married and has no kids, in my opinion she has no right to judge.

by on Mar. 31, 2013 at 3:15 AM
Replies (41-50):
honeydewmommy
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 10:53 AM

I agree you don't really sound like a mom or even appear to be one, just the big sister. So I kinda see where your Aunt is coming from. I mean you don't cook , and I don't like the idea, I make her something when she is hungry thats bad practice. You should have ur child on a schedule, a healthy schedule , Your life sounds chaotic which will affect ur child later on.   You work but still live with your parents..who appear to be supporting you..Just I have to agree, It appears like ur Aunt is getting the same negative vibe we are getting as well. That doesn't mean ur a "bad" mom, but you don't appear to fully step up to the plate. Like ur doing the "bare minimum"

Quoting huntersmama711:

If you work why don't you support her financially? Why would your parents be the ones doing that? I'm sorry but it sounds like you play more of a big sister role instead of a mom role.

Quoting D_fluff:


Quoting MamaSnaps:

We really can't judge your life from what you tell us. Your aunt sees far more than what you tell us. Honestly? It sounds like your daughter is more theirs than yours and all you are is the part time caretaker. Well, not sure I can even say caretaker if you aren't cooking for her either.  Going out once a week is fine, but you have to make up for it with other things like playing and caring for her. Doesn't it bother you that she's that attached to them over you? 

I gotta tell you and I am really not being mean, but usually when I see a duck lip profile picture like yours it's on one of the party girls. Combine that with what you have to say here? I gotta say it sounds about right. And the duck lips aren't flattering. You have a beautiful shape to your face and mouth. You don't need to look like you are puckering up to kiss the Easter Bunny or to chew a wad of bubble yum.  

Just because someone isn't married and has no children doesn't mean that they haven't seen good or bad parents and that they can't tell the difference. I've never been a doctor but I can certainly tell the difference between a good and a bad one. 

I've been very lucky to have my parents help me as much as they have. It used to bother me that she was very attached to them but not anymore, my parents were there when she was born and they saw what kind of father she had so i get why they helped more than what a normal grandparent would. I'm not saying i let her starve, if shes hungry and we're home ill make her something, but i dont make a big lunch or dinner for the 2 of us. Financially my parents take care of her, my bf helps when he can but he's not her father, i do spend as much time with her as i can. I'm not a party girl, i go out on a friday or saturday night with a friend and have a few drinks, by the time i leave my daughter is already asleep or shes ready for bed. She just thinks that because i dont slave over a stove everyday, play with her all the time, and because I'm hard on her that im not a good mom.


MomofHDFandNWF
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OK -- what is up with this white stuff AGAIN!?!? How the heck are we suppose to have an Easter egg hunt outside in 2 days with this snow?
Yesterday at 10:53 AM
by Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 10:57 AM

Very well said....

Quoting MamaSnaps:

We really can't judge your life from what you tell us. Your aunt sees far more than what you tell us. Honestly? It sounds like your daughter is more theirs than yours and all you are is the part time caretaker. Well, not sure I can even say caretaker if you aren't cooking for her either.  Going out once a week is fine, but you have to make up for it with other things like playing and caring for her. Doesn't it bother you that she's that attached to them over you? 

I gotta tell you and I am really not being mean, but usually when I see a duck lip profile picture like yours it's on one of the party girls. Combine that with what you have to say here? I gotta say it sounds about right. And the duck lips aren't flattering. You have a beautiful shape to your face and mouth. You don't need to look like you are puckering up to kiss the Easter Bunny or to chew a wad of bubble yum.  

Just because someone isn't married and has no children doesn't mean that they haven't seen good or bad parents and that they can't tell the difference. I've never been a doctor but I can certainly tell the difference between a good and a bad one. 


MomofHDFandNWF
Report
OK -- what is up with this white stuff AGAIN!?!? How the heck are we suppose to have an Easter egg hunt outside in 2 days with this snow?
Yesterday at 10:53 AM
by Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 10:57 AM

This....

Quoting MJP76:

Honestly? Not to be rude but...

You're not going to be up for any mother of the year awards. It doesn't make you the worse parent in the world, but not the best either.  I mean when you decide to have children they come before all else. Your life should be set aside do a degree for your children. I get the need to work, or even to complete your education, but every spare second you get should be with your child. That is not your parents child. That is your child.


MomofHDFandNWF
Report
OK -- what is up with this white stuff AGAIN!?!? How the heck are we suppose to have an Easter egg hunt outside in 2 days with this snow?
Yesterday at 10:53 AM
by Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 11:00 AM

I was wondering the same things... going to keep reading, to see if I can find out! :)

Quoting MamaSnaps:

Yeah, your responses aren't making you look better by a LONG stretch. Sorry! You are making yourself look like the stereotype teen mom whose parents are the money tree providing everything but a little bit of care here and there for their grand baby because you're not responsible enough to have a job and care for her on your own. 

Like I said, going out isn't necessarily a bad thing, but... How do you manage to pay for that if your parents are supporting your child and you don't work? Your priorities are kind of skewed to put it politely. And why is it that you don't have a license? You can't be old enough for it to have even expired once so you lost it for something? 


MomofHDFandNWF
Report
OK -- what is up with this white stuff AGAIN!?!? How the heck are we suppose to have an Easter egg hunt outside in 2 days with this snow?
Yesterday at 10:53 AM
by Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 11:02 AM

Very good questions and comment!  Agree 100%....

Quoting MichelleMc:

Wow is all I can say. There is nothing to be proud of that your parents pay for everything & that your daughter is more attached to them. It sounds like they are the parents & you are the big sister, and again, nothing to be proud of. If you can't be working, then you don't need to be going out. How are you paying for that? If you have money to pay to go out, then you have money for your child & where it should be going. If you were paying for your child & doing for your child, then going out would be no big deal, but the situation you are in, no. 

Don't have a license? Why? Is there no where you can walk or ride a bus to? You can't get a job otherwise? There should be something or somewhere you can do or go. There are work at home jobs ( I work from home ). I would do what I needed to do to support my child. I can't even believe that your parents just say sure don't work, don't support your child & go ahead & go out every week. Waste that money, I will pay for your child? Your parents need to wake up so you can wake up!

I couldn't do it. I couldn't know my parents were raising my child in every sense of the word. There is self pride & wanting to be a good parent, that would just shine straight through me. I couldn't just sit back & allow this. They are the parents, You are just the bio mom. That I couldn't stand for, and surely wouldn't be going out if that was the case. ESPECIALLY if I already had to give up all that time with my child insisting on going to school full time & work full time, versus going to school part time, so I could be with my child, and then now, not working at all. How you could not be doing everything for your child now to make up for all that time, knowing that work was coming is beyond me. I didn't know how to cook but I learned & I cared for my childs meals. How can you be eating out alot without a job? How about you save that, and put that towards your daughters needs?

The more you explain, I agree with PP, the more you look even worse in the parenting dept & your aunt seems to be hitting the nail right on the head. She, is I am sure, Sick of how you are taking advantage of her sister/brother ( whichever ) and that they won't stand up & be parents to you & you not being a parent now to your child, so she is saying something. I hope you can change your ways & move forward to being your daughters parent, not just say eh, let my parents do it all. It is great this way, I don't have to do it or pay for it, and I get to still do whatever I want. That isn't being a parent. That is having your cake & eating it too. 



MomofHDFandNWF
Report
OK -- what is up with this white stuff AGAIN!?!? How the heck are we suppose to have an Easter egg hunt outside in 2 days with this snow?
Yesterday at 10:53 AM
by Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 11:06 AM

That sounds about right for me on nights out as well -- unless you are counting nights I have to work or nights I have a meeting at church.  Not exactly the "night out" I am thinking she is talking about, but it still gets me out of the house and around other adults than my DH... So, I will take it!

Quoting Maries_Mom23:

This...the more we get into replies, it's not looking good.  I'm 34 and didn't get my license until I was 30 (long story, but, I was TERRIFIED to drive), but, I had a job from age 15 until I quit to be a SAHM when I was 26.  Not having a license didn't keep me from working.  Your parents are financially responsible for your child, from what I understand in comments and you "need" a night out every week?  Do your parents pay for you night out as well?  I get a night out about once every 2 months, if I'm lucky.  

Quoting MamaSnaps:

Yeah, your responses aren't making you look better by a LONG stretch. Sorry! You are making yourself look like the stereotype teen mom whose parents are the money tree providing everything but a little bit of care here and there for their grand baby because you're not responsible enough to have a job and care for her on your own. 

Like I said, going out isn't necessarily a bad thing, but... How do you manage to pay for that if your parents are supporting your child and you don't work? Your priorities are kind of skewed to put it politely. And why is it that you don't have a license? You can't be old enough for it to have even expired once so you lost it for something? 



Janet
by Ruby Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 9:44 AM
I agree!

Quoting SlapItHigh:

I'm not going to say "bad mom" but that does sound pretty bad. I would work on building a closet attachment for your daughter. Play with her way more often. You can't get this time back.
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Aamy
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 2:00 AM
You sound lazy honestly. Why not step up, be the mother and move out on your own? You have gotten to comfy with your parents raising and supporting YOUR kid. If you aren't working you shouldn't be going out. Try getting a job. And learn to cook your kid some healthy food.

Quoting D_fluff:

I don't work anymore. They take care of her needs as far as clothing and shoes until I get my license and start working again.



Quoting huntersmama711:

If you work why don't you support her financially? Why would your parents be the ones doing that? I'm sorry but it sounds like you play more of a big sister role instead of a mom role.





Quoting D_fluff:


Quoting MamaSnaps:

We really can't judge your life from what you tell us. Your aunt sees far more than what you tell us. Honestly? It sounds like your daughter is more theirs than yours and all you are is the part time caretaker. Well, not sure I can even say caretaker if you aren't cooking for her either.  Going out once a week is fine, but you have to make up for it with other things like playing and caring for her. Doesn't it bother you that she's that attached to them over you? 

I gotta tell you and I am really not being mean, but usually when I see a duck lip profile picture like yours it's on one of the party girls. Combine that with what you have to say here? I gotta say it sounds about right. And the duck lips aren't flattering. You have a beautiful shape to your face and mouth. You don't need to look like you are puckering up to kiss the Easter Bunny or to chew a wad of bubble yum.  

Just because someone isn't married and has no children doesn't mean that they haven't seen good or bad parents and that they can't tell the difference. I've never been a doctor but I can certainly tell the difference between a good and a bad one. 

I've been very lucky to have my parents help me as much as they have. It used to bother me that she was very attached to them but not anymore, my parents were there when she was born and they saw what kind of father she had so i get why they helped more than what a normal grandparent would. I'm not saying i let her starve, if shes hungry and we're home ill make her something, but i dont make a big lunch or dinner for the 2 of us. Financially my parents take care of her, my bf helps when he can but he's not her father, i do spend as much time with her as i can. I'm not a party girl, i go out on a friday or saturday night with a friend and have a few drinks, by the time i leave my daughter is already asleep or shes ready for bed. She just thinks that because i dont slave over a stove everyday, play with her all the time, and because I'm hard on her that im not a good mom.

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D_fluff
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 2:14 AM
1 mom liked this


OK... i need to clear something up... when i said i was working on getting my license i should of been more specific. I'm working on getting my NURSING license, i have a driver's license, i drive everywhere. I also should of provided with a little background. When i asked my parents to help me financially it was because her father and i were going to divorce after 6 yrs of marriage. We had always lived with my parents and he was never no help. I worked full time since my daughter was 10 months. When she was around 2 i went back to school full time and still worked full time. Her dad moved out shortly after enrolling in school so i put my daughter in pre-school and it wasnt for free, she was there almost 10 hrs a day then she would be with my dad til mom got home at 8 and i'd get home at 11pm, I took care of my daughter and all her needs, i never asked anyone for any money, I worked weekends and tried to spend time with my daughter but it wasnt much, i was never home. For almost 2 years this was my schedule. I quit working a few months before graduating because of my hectic schedule and still didnt have time for my daughter, After school was over my daughter was starting kindergarten and i was trying to finish some online courses that i had to do before applying for my state test. I had part time jobs here and there but nothing permanent. i asked my parents last year to help me financially because i needed to focus on my test more. Financially they help me with half of my car payment, her school supplies, clothes, shoes, and little things she may want that i cant get.The money that i do get i use it to take my daughter out to places she wants to go like chuck e cheese, disneyland, zoo's, etc..its never just me and her, my friend and her daughter usually tag along, and i also use it to go out, i pay for my own drinks and gas, i stay in my budget, my friends dont pay for me. 

I dont cook for these reasons. My mom works 12 hr shifts 6 days a week, she doesnt eat here she eats at work, ive tried making her lunch she doesnt take it. My dad also doesnt eat at home, he's ill and his diet is limited. I dont spend a lot of time at home and if i do i dont really eat, when my daughter is here we go to my friend's house and make something there. I may not play with her like a lot of other parents but i do homework with her, read with her, play make-up with her, and i take her out and make sure she has someting to do on her days off. She's attached to my parents, mainly my dad, but i think its becuase her dad isnt around and i dont intruduce her to anyone i may be seeing. I make sure the house is clean, i use whatever money the county gives me to buy my daughters snacks and food for her school lunch i make sure our clothes are washed, i bathe and sleep with her.

D_fluff
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 2:22 AM

Thank you. I make sure she's fed, supervised at all times, not being abused, her hygiene is maintained, she's always in a safe environment, i never take her anywhere where she might be in danger or unsafe. Her assumptions were all made on her 2nd time visiting

Quoting womanwifemomof3:

You make sure she's fed, supervised, loved, not being verbally or physically abused, and make sure her hygiene is maintained?  Then you are good to go.  You are lucky to have supportive parents.  The aunt should mind her own business unless you are not doing the above then it's fine for her to step up to speak up for the little girl but that doesn't seem to be the case here.  Your parents can speak for themselves if they have a problem.  I wouldn't let someone who talked to me like that come around.  Don't need the negativity.   


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