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by Mr. Evan
Our mom yells a lot. To wake up, to stop fighting, to put on our shoes already. And it's not that we don't deserve it ... because we do, it's just that it's not all that effective. Like, at all.
With some help from my brother and sister, we've come up with a list of why parents should never yell at their kids. We hope she reads it and realizes how very wise we are.
1. It's annoying. The sound of you yelling at us to get out of bed is like nails on a chalkboard to us. It doesn't inspire us to move, it just makes us cover our ears to end the horrific noise. Sure, we didn't wake up the first 542 times you tried, but yelling isn't going to make us move. Why? Because it's early and we're tired, dammit. And no we don't want to hear that we stayed up too late the night before. We know.
2. It's embarrassing to be disciplined. It's bad enough when you reprimand us when nobody is around, but when our friends hear you yell at us, we want to move to a new town and make all new friends because they're never going to forget that sound and it's probably going in our high school yearbooks.
More from The Stir: 7 Reasons Kids Should Be Allowed to Skip Homework
3. It's embarrassing to be loved. It's not better when you yell out of the car window, "Eat your whole lunch, I loooooooove you!!" We're aware that you love us because you tell us a million times a day. The whole carpool line doesn't need to know it, too, thank you very much.
4. You're going to hurt your throat. Just looking out for you!
5. The neighbors hear you. Remember that time we were running around naked like wild animals and you yelled, "Get your naked tushes in the bath now or you're going to school naked tomorrow!!" and then we realized the windows were wide open and all of the neighbors grilling outside heard everything you said? We bet they remember, too.
6. We secretly recorded you yelling once with your iPhone. (And it was not flattering.) Don't think you're the only one who can play that game.
7. It's funny. Ask daddy. The sound of you yelling, as annoying as it is, is also really, really funny. And we know you don't appreciate when we burst out laughing at you when you yell, but we just can't help it. In fact, nothing brings us siblings closer.
8. You don't let us yell at you, so it's just not fair. Haven't you ever heard "treat others as you would like to be treated"?
9. It doesn't work. Perhaps instead of spending so much energy on yelling at us, you could focus your energies elsewhere. Like making us a hot breakfast for a change.
10. We've become immune to it. Your yelling doesn't scare us anymore, at all. Neither does "the look" you like to shoot us. You ought to just accept that we're the ones in control here and we'll all be happier.
DON'T YOU AGREE, MOMMY????
The moms at The Stir desperately needed a day off so we decided to let our kids help us write The Stir today -- find out more about them in their blogger profiles and see what they are writing about at Kids Takeover. Happy April Fools! :)