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Need some help mamas!! *EDIT*

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I feel like I am constantly picking up after my entire family. It's not a problem really.. I'm a sahm so that is my job. I clean up and my 13 month old destroys it which is expected.. Duh! My husband helps out as much as he can but he works a lot and is always in a rush so he leaves things around.. Again it's expected, when I worked I would come home to a mess because I'd be running out of the door. On top of that I have a ss who stays here 2 1/2 days a wk and every other wknd. I am constantly cleaning his stuff up too, he is 10 and should be cleaning up on his own. What do you think of this idea.. I was going to start a collection box of things he leaves around the house, instead of putting it away for him or putting it upstairs in his room. If he asks to it ill give it back, if he doesn't then it stays in the box. Too harsh? I just don't want to pick things up. Do you agree that a 10 yr old should clean up after himself???

***EDIT:
The reason I ask if its too harsh is bc he is not my son.. He's my step son. I just don't want to overstep!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 7:07 PM
Replies (21-30):
Basherte
by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:20 AM

AWWWWWWWWW

That is so cute. When a 13 month old throws away a diaper. :)
Yes I agree. So keep after him. When he has an applesauce, make sure he throws it away. Don't do it for him. No matter when you see it laying there. Tell him to throw it away, and put the utensil in the sink. When you see his socks there tell him to put them where they belong. Walk him to the basket that he should put them in if need be. He should respect you and your house, by putting his stuff away.

Tell him if he doesn't start putting the applesauce stuff back when he's done eating it, then he will stop getting it. (It isn't a necessity after all) The same goes for the caprisun. That is definitely not a need. If he doesn't throw away the container for that, that you won't buy him any more. 

No, I didn't take your response to be an argument. Just a response to what I said.

Just like I am hoping that you are taking what I am saying as suggestions and how it would work in my house. If I was in your shoes. Not that I am telling you what to do, because I wouldn't do that. I don't know your family. You know what is best for your family. I can just throw out ideas. :) 

Quoting kss12:

My own child is 13 MONTHS old, therefore he really can't grasp the concept of cleaning up after himself yet. Trust me, if I had any children over the age of 2 they would all be helping! Especially a 10 year old. Hubby does pick up after himself, he forgets the occasional bowl every now and then when he's rushing out of the house but I don't mind that.. My husband allows me to stay home and care for our son by working 60-70 hours a week, his 10 year old contributes nothing to our home but messiness. My husband contributes enough financially and with the children. I don't think I should be picking up a 10 year olds dirty socks that are half shoved into the side of the couch, or a caprisun that is empty, or an apple sauce container that is half fallen over and apple sauce is all over the couch with the spoon hanging out.. Lol. I'm not arguing with you but if MY 13 month old could clean up after himself I'd have him putting his trash in the trash can (he knows after I change his diaper if we are downstairs to throw it in the trash can, he walks there with me) so if he can pick that up there should be no problem for a 10 year old.


Quoting Basherte:

I think it's too harsh, because you aren't expecting your own kids to do the same. Even helping a little here and there as they are able, would make it less harsh. Plus hubby should pick up after himself. If a 10 year old is expected to do so then an adult should be expected to do so.



CafeMom Tickers
kss12
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:30 AM
I agree with everything you're saying.
Regarding the 10 year old ss... He knows where his laundry goes as he puts his clothes there each time he takes a shower. He knows to throw things away and where it is. The reason he doesn't do things is pure laziness, not that he doesn't know where to put certain articles. His dad knows he is lazy too.. With everything.. From school work, cleaning up after himself.. Everything. He shows no interest in my son. He is just completely disconnected ya know? We will be talking about something and he blurts out "I wonder what it would be like to be a cloud in the sky".. Like what?! He seeks attention because he has been used to getting it his whole life. It's a hard place for me to be in as I have certain expectations in my household but don't want to be offensive. We've worked with him, shown him where to put certain things.. It's pure laziness, nothing else. Oh geez this has turned into a rant lol! I'm also big time old school and want hubby to go to work, put in his hours (he has a very on the to job always on his feet physically out on job sites, we own s custom home building company), therefore I want him to throw his feet up and not do anything around the house. I don't mind that, I'd rather do that as he doesn't know the way I like certain things to be placed, put away etc. anyway! I just want the 10 year old to quit being sloppy and lazy!


Quoting Basherte:

AWWWWWWWWW

That is so cute. When a 13 month old throws away a diaper. :)
Yes I agree. So keep after him. When he has an applesauce, make sure he throws it away. Don't do it for him. No matter when you see it laying there. Tell him to throw it away, and put the utensil in the sink. When you see his socks there tell him to put them where they belong. Walk him to the basket that he should put them in if need be. He should respect you and your house, by putting his stuff away.

Tell him if he doesn't start putting the applesauce stuff back when he's done eating it, then he will stop getting it. (It isn't a necessity after all) The same goes for the caprisun. That is definitely not a need. If he doesn't throw away the container for that, that you won't buy him any more. 

No, I didn't take your response to be an argument. Just a response to what I said.

Just like I am hoping that you are taking what I am saying as suggestions and how it would work in my house. If I was in your shoes. Not that I am telling you what to do, because I wouldn't do that. I don't know your family. You know what is best for your family. I can just throw out ideas. :) 

Quoting kss12:

My own child is 13 MONTHS old, therefore he really can't grasp the concept of cleaning up after himself yet. Trust me, if I had any children over the age of 2 they would all be helping! Especially a 10 year old. Hubby does pick up after himself, he forgets the occasional bowl every now and then when he's rushing out of the house but I don't mind that.. My husband allows me to stay home and care for our son by working 60-70 hours a week, his 10 year old contributes nothing to our home but messiness. My husband contributes enough financially and with the children. I don't think I should be picking up a 10 year olds dirty socks that are half shoved into the side of the couch, or a caprisun that is empty, or an apple sauce container that is half fallen over and apple sauce is all over the couch with the spoon hanging out.. Lol. I'm not arguing with you but if MY 13 month old could clean up after himself I'd have him putting his trash in the trash can (he knows after I change his diaper if we are downstairs to throw it in the trash can, he walks there with me) so if he can pick that up there should be no problem for a 10 year old.





Quoting Basherte:

I think it's too harsh, because you aren't expecting your own kids to do the same. Even helping a little here and there as they are able, would make it less harsh. Plus hubby should pick up after himself. If a 10 year old is expected to do so then an adult should be expected to do so.





Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Basherte
by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:32 AM

Good luck with the lazy thing. I totally understand about the hubby. I agree there. He works really hard. deserves to relax when he gets home. 

Not sure what to suggest on the lazy and sloppy thing. 

I don't mind rants, and vents. :)


Quoting kss12:

I agree with everything you're saying.
Regarding the 10 year old ss... He knows where his laundry goes as he puts his clothes there each time he takes a shower. He knows to throw things away and where it is. The reason he doesn't do things is pure laziness, not that he doesn't know where to put certain articles. His dad knows he is lazy too.. With everything.. From school work, cleaning up after himself.. Everything. He shows no interest in my son. He is just completely disconnected ya know? We will be talking about something and he blurts out "I wonder what it would be like to be a cloud in the sky".. Like what?! He seeks attention because he has been used to getting it his whole life. It's a hard place for me to be in as I have certain expectations in my household but don't want to be offensive. We've worked with him, shown him where to put certain things.. It's pure laziness, nothing else. Oh geez this has turned into a rant lol! I'm also big time old school and want hubby to go to work, put in his hours (he has a very on the to job always on his feet physically out on job sites, we own s custom home building company), therefore I want him to throw his feet up and not do anything around the house. I don't mind that, I'd rather do that as he doesn't know the way I like certain things to be placed, put away etc. anyway! I just want the 10 year old to quit being sloppy and lazy!


Quoting Basherte:

AWWWWWWWWW

That is so cute. When a 13 month old throws away a diaper. :)
Yes I agree. So keep after him. When he has an applesauce, make sure he throws it away. Don't do it for him. No matter when you see it laying there. Tell him to throw it away, and put the utensil in the sink. When you see his socks there tell him to put them where they belong. Walk him to the basket that he should put them in if need be. He should respect you and your house, by putting his stuff away.

Tell him if he doesn't start putting the applesauce stuff back when he's done eating it, then he will stop getting it. (It isn't a necessity after all) The same goes for the caprisun. That is definitely not a need. If he doesn't throw away the container for that, that you won't buy him any more. 

No, I didn't take your response to be an argument. Just a response to what I said.

Just like I am hoping that you are taking what I am saying as suggestions and how it would work in my house. If I was in your shoes. Not that I am telling you what to do, because I wouldn't do that. I don't know your family. You know what is best for your family. I can just throw out ideas. :) 

Quoting kss12:

My own child is 13 MONTHS old, therefore he really can't grasp the concept of cleaning up after himself yet. Trust me, if I had any children over the age of 2 they would all be helping! Especially a 10 year old. Hubby does pick up after himself, he forgets the occasional bowl every now and then when he's rushing out of the house but I don't mind that.. My husband allows me to stay home and care for our son by working 60-70 hours a week, his 10 year old contributes nothing to our home but messiness. My husband contributes enough financially and with the children. I don't think I should be picking up a 10 year olds dirty socks that are half shoved into the side of the couch, or a caprisun that is empty, or an apple sauce container that is half fallen over and apple sauce is all over the couch with the spoon hanging out.. Lol. I'm not arguing with you but if MY 13 month old could clean up after himself I'd have him putting his trash in the trash can (he knows after I change his diaper if we are downstairs to throw it in the trash can, he walks there with me) so if he can pick that up there should be no problem for a 10 year old.





Quoting Basherte:

I think it's too harsh, because you aren't expecting your own kids to do the same. Even helping a little here and there as they are able, would make it less harsh. Plus hubby should pick up after himself. If a 10 year old is expected to do so then an adult should be expected to do so.






CafeMom Tickers
MamaMoopsie
by Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:52 AM

 Most kids are pretty lazy at 10 years old, either that or their way of doing things is SOOOO much better than the way you or I would do things. It drives me nuts, but you just keep plugging away, right? Starting now with your 13 month old sets good trends for the rest of his life. My 3 & 4 year old's have been throwing away trash for me, helping me pick up laundry, sort it, and put it away after its washed, and put their toys away since they were old enough to walk. Sometimes they don't want to, but they know how and I know they can do it. Plus, at his age, kids are so eager to please and be just like the big people in their lives. It's really cute.


Quoting kss12:

I like this idea!
My 13 month old will throw his diaper in the trash if we are downstairs as long as I walk with him. The 4 and 3 year olds are at least old enough to grasp the concept of cleaning up, therefore probably makes the 10 year old feel happy to help. My ss is just lazy. Extremely lazy!


Quoting MamaMoopsie:

Discuss it with your DH first, but I find that totally appropriate. I have an almost 4 year old, almost 3 year old, a 10 year old SD who lives with us full time, and a 17 month old baby. I ask them twice to pick things up, if they don't I put it in a tub in the garage. If they remember it, I'll give it back with a reminder that they need to pick up after themselves. If they don't remember after two or three months, I take the whole tub to Goodwill.


I don't do it to my 17 month old's toys or blankets for two reasons. I feel she's too young for it and also when I hand her one of her toys and tell her to put it away she does.


I've also started a tub of my husband's stuff, but before I take it to Goodwill I show it to him so he can get out things he does want but doesn't use very often. The first time I showed him he was shocked by how much stuff I pick up for him and just put away and then he was also surprised at the fact that in three months he hadn't once thought of some of the items in the tub and agreed if he doesn't even think about it that often he probably doesn't need it.



 

kss12
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 11:01 AM
Ugh it melts my heart having him "help" me. I'm very lucky with him. He likes to take these little wash cloths for his face out of one of the cabinets and after he throws them on the floor he puts them right back in the cabinet, shuts the door and he's onto the next activity! It's amazing! The 10 year old dont even get me started. He's not mine so I'm sure that's why I can't even begin to work with him, he knows how to do all these things because he does them at his moms and at our house, but it's pure laziness. I guess I'm selfish but why would I spend time teaching a child that's not mine instead of spending time with my own child. I know that's bad but it's the truth!


Quoting MamaMoopsie:

 Most kids are pretty lazy at 10 years old, either that or their way of doing things is SOOOO much better than the way you or I would do things. It drives me nuts, but you just keep plugging away, right? Starting now with your 13 month old sets good trends for the rest of his life. My 3 & 4 year old's have been throwing away trash for me, helping me pick up laundry, sort it, and put it away after its washed, and put their toys away since they were old enough to walk. Sometimes they don't want to, but they know how and I know they can do it. Plus, at his age, kids are so eager to please and be just like the big people in their lives. It's really cute.




Quoting kss12:

I like this idea!
My 13 month old will throw his diaper in the trash if we are downstairs as long as I walk with him. The 4 and 3 year olds are at least old enough to grasp the concept of cleaning up, therefore probably makes the 10 year old feel happy to help. My ss is just lazy. Extremely lazy!



Quoting MamaMoopsie:


Discuss it with your DH first, but I find that totally appropriate. I have an almost 4 year old, almost 3 year old, a 10 year old SD who lives with us full time, and a 17 month old baby. I ask them twice to pick things up, if they don't I put it in a tub in the garage. If they remember it, I'll give it back with a reminder that they need to pick up after themselves. If they don't remember after two or three months, I take the whole tub to Goodwill.



I don't do it to my 17 month old's toys or blankets for two reasons. I feel she's too young for it and also when I hand her one of her toys and tell her to put it away she does.



I've also started a tub of my husband's stuff, but before I take it to Goodwill I show it to him so he can get out things he does want but doesn't use very often. The first time I showed him he was shocked by how much stuff I pick up for him and just put away and then he was also surprised at the fact that in three months he hadn't once thought of some of the items in the tub and agreed if he doesn't even think about it that often he probably doesn't need it.





 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
MamaMoopsie
by Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 12:18 PM

 I used to feel similar about my SD, but she's always been with us primarily and so it was only natural for me to take on the teaching role. Her father was busy with work, her mom was all but out of the picture. It wasn't easy, I have to say. She fought me tooth and nail for a couple years, but now we have a really good relationship. Of course, I became her main mother figure when she was 5 years old and there is a lot of difference between 5 and 10. I can't imagine trying to gain the relationship we have now if we had to start at age 10.


Quoting kss12:

Ugh it melts my heart having him "help" me. I'm very lucky with him. He likes to take these little wash cloths for his face out of one of the cabinets and after he throws them on the floor he puts them right back in the cabinet, shuts the door and he's onto the next activity! It's amazing! The 10 year old dont even get me started. He's not mine so I'm sure that's why I can't even begin to work with him, he knows how to do all these things because he does them at his moms and at our house, but it's pure laziness. I guess I'm selfish but why would I spend time teaching a child that's not mine instead of spending time with my own child. I know that's bad but it's the truth!


Quoting MamaMoopsie:

 Most kids are pretty lazy at 10 years old, either that or their way of doing things is SOOOO much better than the way you or I would do things. It drives me nuts, but you just keep plugging away, right? Starting now with your 13 month old sets good trends for the rest of his life. My 3 & 4 year old's have been throwing away trash for me, helping me pick up laundry, sort it, and put it away after its washed, and put their toys away since they were old enough to walk. Sometimes they don't want to, but they know how and I know they can do it. Plus, at his age, kids are so eager to please and be just like the big people in their lives. It's really cute.


 


Quoting kss12:

I like this idea!
My 13 month old will throw his diaper in the trash if we are downstairs as long as I walk with him. The 4 and 3 year olds are at least old enough to grasp the concept of cleaning up, therefore probably makes the 10 year old feel happy to help. My ss is just lazy. Extremely lazy!



Quoting MamaMoopsie:


Discuss it with your DH first, but I find that totally appropriate. I have an almost 4 year old, almost 3 year old, a 10 year old SD who lives with us full time, and a 17 month old baby. I ask them twice to pick things up, if they don't I put it in a tub in the garage. If they remember it, I'll give it back with a reminder that they need to pick up after themselves. If they don't remember after two or three months, I take the whole tub to Goodwill.



I don't do it to my 17 month old's toys or blankets for two reasons. I feel she's too young for it and also when I hand her one of her toys and tell her to put it away she does.



I've also started a tub of my husband's stuff, but before I take it to Goodwill I show it to him so he can get out things he does want but doesn't use very often. The first time I showed him he was shocked by how much stuff I pick up for him and just put away and then he was also surprised at the fact that in three months he hadn't once thought of some of the items in the tub and agreed if he doesn't even think about it that often he probably doesn't need it.



 


 



 

ambryshan
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 8:02 AM
1 mom liked this

Yes I think a 10year old should clean up after himself. Hes old enough to help out around the house and to clean after himself.

kss12
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 8:24 AM
It's hard. I've known him since he was 5 as have been with his dad since he was 6. He was such a sweet little boy and I adored him, but honestly now I can't stand him. He's a menace. But acts like an angel when his dads around so it puts me in an awkward spot! He's not with us primarily and I think that would be easier.. Having him split down the middle is hard bc he has different expectations at different places! Time will tell I guess!


Quoting MamaMoopsie:

 I used to feel similar about my SD, but she's always been with us primarily and so it was only natural for me to take on the teaching role. Her father was busy with work, her mom was all but out of the picture. It wasn't easy, I have to say. She fought me tooth and nail for a couple years, but now we have a really good relationship. Of course, I became her main mother figure when she was 5 years old and there is a lot of difference between 5 and 10. I can't imagine trying to gain the relationship we have now if we had to start at age 10.




Quoting kss12:

Ugh it melts my heart having him "help" me. I'm very lucky with him. He likes to take these little wash cloths for his face out of one of the cabinets and after he throws them on the floor he puts them right back in the cabinet, shuts the door and he's onto the next activity! It's amazing! The 10 year old dont even get me started. He's not mine so I'm sure that's why I can't even begin to work with him, he knows how to do all these things because he does them at his moms and at our house, but it's pure laziness. I guess I'm selfish but why would I spend time teaching a child that's not mine instead of spending time with my own child. I know that's bad but it's the truth!



Quoting MamaMoopsie:


 Most kids are pretty lazy at 10 years old, either that or their way of doing things is SOOOO much better than the way you or I would do things. It drives me nuts, but you just keep plugging away, right? Starting now with your 13 month old sets good trends for the rest of his life. My 3 & 4 year old's have been throwing away trash for me, helping me pick up laundry, sort it, and put it away after its washed, and put their toys away since they were old enough to walk. Sometimes they don't want to, but they know how and I know they can do it. Plus, at his age, kids are so eager to please and be just like the big people in their lives. It's really cute.



 



Quoting kss12:

I like this idea!
My 13 month old will throw his diaper in the trash if we are downstairs as long as I walk with him. The 4 and 3 year olds are at least old enough to grasp the concept of cleaning up, therefore probably makes the 10 year old feel happy to help. My ss is just lazy. Extremely lazy!




Quoting MamaMoopsie:



Discuss it with your DH first, but I find that totally appropriate. I have an almost 4 year old, almost 3 year old, a 10 year old SD who lives with us full time, and a 17 month old baby. I ask them twice to pick things up, if they don't I put it in a tub in the garage. If they remember it, I'll give it back with a reminder that they need to pick up after themselves. If they don't remember after two or three months, I take the whole tub to Goodwill.




I don't do it to my 17 month old's toys or blankets for two reasons. I feel she's too young for it and also when I hand her one of her toys and tell her to put it away she does.




I've also started a tub of my husband's stuff, but before I take it to Goodwill I show it to him so he can get out things he does want but doesn't use very often. The first time I showed him he was shocked by how much stuff I pick up for him and just put away and then he was also surprised at the fact that in three months he hadn't once thought of some of the items in the tub and agreed if he doesn't even think about it that often he probably doesn't need it.




 



 





 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
kss12
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 8:26 AM
I feel bad for hubby, his sons so lazy that hubby spends about 3 hours with him after school doing homework.. He's only 10 but does nothing himself!!! It's a tough situation to be in!


Quoting Basherte:

Good luck with the lazy thing. I totally understand about the hubby. I agree there. He works really hard. deserves to relax when he gets home. 

Not sure what to suggest on the lazy and sloppy thing. 

I don't mind rants, and vents. :)


Quoting kss12:

I agree with everything you're saying.

Regarding the 10 year old ss... He knows where his laundry goes as he puts his clothes there each time he takes a shower. He knows to throw things away and where it is. The reason he doesn't do things is pure laziness, not that he doesn't know where to put certain articles. His dad knows he is lazy too.. With everything.. From school work, cleaning up after himself.. Everything. He shows no interest in my son. He is just completely disconnected ya know? We will be talking about something and he blurts out "I wonder what it would be like to be a cloud in the sky".. Like what?! He seeks attention because he has been used to getting it his whole life. It's a hard place for me to be in as I have certain expectations in my household but don't want to be offensive. We've worked with him, shown him where to put certain things.. It's pure laziness, nothing else. Oh geez this has turned into a rant lol! I'm also big time old school and want hubby to go to work, put in his hours (he has a very on the to job always on his feet physically out on job sites, we own s custom home building company), therefore I want him to throw his feet up and not do anything around the house. I don't mind that, I'd rather do that as he doesn't know the way I like certain things to be placed, put away etc. anyway! I just want the 10 year old to quit being sloppy and lazy!





Quoting Basherte:

AWWWWWWWWW

That is so cute. When a 13 month old throws away a diaper. :)
Yes I agree. So keep after him. When he has an applesauce, make sure he throws it away. Don't do it for him. No matter when you see it laying there. Tell him to throw it away, and put the utensil in the sink. When you see his socks there tell him to put them where they belong. Walk him to the basket that he should put them in if need be. He should respect you and your house, by putting his stuff away.

Tell him if he doesn't start putting the applesauce stuff back when he's done eating it, then he will stop getting it. (It isn't a necessity after all) The same goes for the caprisun. That is definitely not a need. If he doesn't throw away the container for that, that you won't buy him any more. 

No, I didn't take your response to be an argument. Just a response to what I said.

Just like I am hoping that you are taking what I am saying as suggestions and how it would work in my house. If I was in your shoes. Not that I am telling you what to do, because I wouldn't do that. I don't know your family. You know what is best for your family. I can just throw out ideas. :) 

Quoting kss12:

My own child is 13 MONTHS old, therefore he really can't grasp the concept of cleaning up after himself yet. Trust me, if I had any children over the age of 2 they would all be helping! Especially a 10 year old. Hubby does pick up after himself, he forgets the occasional bowl every now and then when he's rushing out of the house but I don't mind that.. My husband allows me to stay home and care for our son by working 60-70 hours a week, his 10 year old contributes nothing to our home but messiness. My husband contributes enough financially and with the children. I don't think I should be picking up a 10 year olds dirty socks that are half shoved into the side of the couch, or a caprisun that is empty, or an apple sauce container that is half fallen over and apple sauce is all over the couch with the spoon hanging out.. Lol. I'm not arguing with you but if MY 13 month old could clean up after himself I'd have him putting his trash in the trash can (he knows after I change his diaper if we are downstairs to throw it in the trash can, he walks there with me) so if he can pick that up there should be no problem for a 10 year old.








Quoting Basherte:

I think it's too harsh, because you aren't expecting your own kids to do the same. Even helping a little here and there as they are able, would make it less harsh. Plus hubby should pick up after himself. If a 10 year old is expected to do so then an adult should be expected to do so.









Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
conanacole
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 8:43 AM

It's your house as well and a mom even a sahm shouldn't feel like a maid. I'd put things in a collection box and NOT return it just because he ask, make him earn it back by doing a simple chore. ie: take out trash, load the dishwasher, carry dirty clothes to laundry area. My son is 11 and if he doesn't pick one simple chore a day, than I assign one and it's usually a bigger one. So he has learned to just do it. 

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