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Need some help mamas!! *EDIT*

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I feel like I am constantly picking up after my entire family. It's not a problem really.. I'm a sahm so that is my job. I clean up and my 13 month old destroys it which is expected.. Duh! My husband helps out as much as he can but he works a lot and is always in a rush so he leaves things around.. Again it's expected, when I worked I would come home to a mess because I'd be running out of the door. On top of that I have a ss who stays here 2 1/2 days a wk and every other wknd. I am constantly cleaning his stuff up too, he is 10 and should be cleaning up on his own. What do you think of this idea.. I was going to start a collection box of things he leaves around the house, instead of putting it away for him or putting it upstairs in his room. If he asks to it ill give it back, if he doesn't then it stays in the box. Too harsh? I just don't want to pick things up. Do you agree that a 10 yr old should clean up after himself???

The reason I ask if its too harsh is bc he is not my son.. He's my step son. I just don't want to overstep!
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by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 7:07 PM
Replies (31-32):
by Bronze Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:34 AM

yeah I can imagine. I hated homework, until I was in culinary school, then I was fine with it.  Well, that and the subjects that I liked.

Too bad we can never see that if we just sat down and did it that it would take so much less time and that the rest of the time that it used to take we could do something fun. 

Oh and to answer your question:   Since talking with you, I will have to say that No, you aren't being too harsh. It also sounds like you are being consistent as well. Are you getting any back up on this from your husband when he is home with you?

Quoting kss12:

I feel bad for hubby, his sons so lazy that hubby spends about 3 hours with him after school doing homework.. He's only 10 but does nothing himself!!! It's a tough situation to be in!

Quoting Basherte:

Good luck with the lazy thing. I totally understand about the hubby. I agree there. He works really hard. deserves to relax when he gets home. 

Not sure what to suggest on the lazy and sloppy thing. 

I don't mind rants, and vents. :)

Quoting kss12:

I agree with everything you're saying.

Regarding the 10 year old ss... He knows where his laundry goes as he puts his clothes there each time he takes a shower. He knows to throw things away and where it is. The reason he doesn't do things is pure laziness, not that he doesn't know where to put certain articles. His dad knows he is lazy too.. With everything.. From school work, cleaning up after himself.. Everything. He shows no interest in my son. He is just completely disconnected ya know? We will be talking about something and he blurts out "I wonder what it would be like to be a cloud in the sky".. Like what?! He seeks attention because he has been used to getting it his whole life. It's a hard place for me to be in as I have certain expectations in my household but don't want to be offensive. We've worked with him, shown him where to put certain things.. It's pure laziness, nothing else. Oh geez this has turned into a rant lol! I'm also big time old school and want hubby to go to work, put in his hours (he has a very on the to job always on his feet physically out on job sites, we own s custom home building company), therefore I want him to throw his feet up and not do anything around the house. I don't mind that, I'd rather do that as he doesn't know the way I like certain things to be placed, put away etc. anyway! I just want the 10 year old to quit being sloppy and lazy!

Quoting Basherte:


That is so cute. When a 13 month old throws away a diaper. :)
Yes I agree. So keep after him. When he has an applesauce, make sure he throws it away. Don't do it for him. No matter when you see it laying there. Tell him to throw it away, and put the utensil in the sink. When you see his socks there tell him to put them where they belong. Walk him to the basket that he should put them in if need be. He should respect you and your house, by putting his stuff away.

Tell him if he doesn't start putting the applesauce stuff back when he's done eating it, then he will stop getting it. (It isn't a necessity after all) The same goes for the caprisun. That is definitely not a need. If he doesn't throw away the container for that, that you won't buy him any more. 

No, I didn't take your response to be an argument. Just a response to what I said.

Just like I am hoping that you are taking what I am saying as suggestions and how it would work in my house. If I was in your shoes. Not that I am telling you what to do, because I wouldn't do that. I don't know your family. You know what is best for your family. I can just throw out ideas. :) 

Quoting kss12:

My own child is 13 MONTHS old, therefore he really can't grasp the concept of cleaning up after himself yet. Trust me, if I had any children over the age of 2 they would all be helping! Especially a 10 year old. Hubby does pick up after himself, he forgets the occasional bowl every now and then when he's rushing out of the house but I don't mind that.. My husband allows me to stay home and care for our son by working 60-70 hours a week, his 10 year old contributes nothing to our home but messiness. My husband contributes enough financially and with the children. I don't think I should be picking up a 10 year olds dirty socks that are half shoved into the side of the couch, or a caprisun that is empty, or an apple sauce container that is half fallen over and apple sauce is all over the couch with the spoon hanging out.. Lol. I'm not arguing with you but if MY 13 month old could clean up after himself I'd have him putting his trash in the trash can (he knows after I change his diaper if we are downstairs to throw it in the trash can, he walks there with me) so if he can pick that up there should be no problem for a 10 year old.

Quoting Basherte:

I think it's too harsh, because you aren't expecting your own kids to do the same. Even helping a little here and there as they are able, would make it less harsh. Plus hubby should pick up after himself. If a 10 year old is expected to do so then an adult should be expected to do so.

CafeMom Tickers
by Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 4:43 PM

Dont just give the stuff back if he asks!  He has to EARN the stuff back.  Yes, he's 10 and can pick up his own stuff....even if he was 3, he should have been able to do this!  When he is at your house, make him vacuum or do a bathroom, or set the table, or do the dishes in order to get his toys back or tv or "gaming" time.  As long as you have the support of HIS dad than you are not overstepping, and who cares if you are!?  If you keep on treating him like this, than when he's 16, he'll treat you even worse and expect the world to cater to him!

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