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I'm wondering..

Posted by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 7:29 PM
  • 36 Replies
Dh and I are planning on having another baby when our ds is 2.. He's 14 months now so we've got a while. But a friend of mine brought this up. I have a ss who is 10.
When our second child is born I want our son to come into the room and be the first to see the new baby without anyone else around so he can be totally himself and not shy around the new baby. My friend said she would only have her own children in their first. My ss is not interested in his younger brother now.. He pays no attention to him and really acts like he could care less about him.
On the other hand, I wouldn't want to upset dh by having our son in there first without my ss. But, in my heart of hearts I only want our son in there right after.
What would you do?
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by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 7:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MamaSnaps
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 7:34 PM

Let your DH make the decision where his son is concerned. Sounds like he'd make the decision to let the boy not have to be there out of the child's lack of interest. That gets you off the hook!

kss12
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 7:44 PM
Dh forces a relationship between ds and ss. He tells ss to "throw the ball with him", "sit on the floor and play with him" so I'm sure he'd want him in there right after with our son BUT I don't. He can come after with everyone else, I don't mind that, but I don't want him in there first with my son as well. He will take away from my son and my experience ya know? Or I can just hope he baby to be is born on a day we don't have ss lol! Sounds mean but it's true!


Quoting MamaSnaps:

Let your DH make the decision where his son is concerned. Sounds like he'd make the decision to let the boy not have to be there out of the child's lack of interest. That gets you off the hook!


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kss12
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 7:58 PM
Bump
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goddess99
by Michelle on Apr. 17, 2013 at 8:11 PM
1 mom liked this

bump

kss12
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 8:13 PM
Any advice?? Lol I'm getting no bites on this!


Quoting goddess99:

bump


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MamaSnaps
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 8:13 PM

Will they both be with the same person when you go into labor? If SS is with his mom or someone other than the same person your son is with that could get you out of it without seeming like the bad guy. 
I can honestly say I understand how you feel even though our kids are all my own (two are my DH's steps.) It SOUNDS bad when you say it aloud or put it in type but, I think it's a natural reaction. On top of the natural bond thing going on between you and your bio son there is also a bit of being not quite perfectly comfortable with someone else's child in the room. Let's face it, you aren't at your best immediately after delivery complete with no bra and nursing. You'll adjust to it with your SS around but, both you and he need to have time to adjust instead of the shove it in your face and force the adjustment RIGHT THEN. With a child you gave birth to it's just plain different.  
I have a feeling there will be some flack about you not wanting the SS there immediately... I think you probably understand that and already feel the pinch for even feeling the way you do. So, when the bashing begins don't let it get to you. Steps ARE a different relationship and it DOES have to be handled differently for both you and them.  

Quoting kss12:

Dh forces a relationship between ds and ss. He tells ss to "throw the ball with him", "sit on the floor and play with him" so I'm sure he'd want him in there right after with our son BUT I don't. He can come after with everyone else, I don't mind that, but I don't want him in there first with my son as well. He will take away from my son and my experience ya know? Or I can just hope he baby to be is born on a day we don't have ss lol! Sounds mean but it's true!


Quoting MamaSnaps:

Let your DH make the decision where his son is concerned. Sounds like he'd make the decision to let the boy not have to be there out of the child's lack of interest. That gets you off the hook!



goddess99
by Michelle on Apr. 17, 2013 at 8:18 PM

I don't know that I have any advice. I just have one child and won't have more so Idk. IF a miracle occurred and I had another, I would want my dd there but I don't have step kids. Maybe let your dh decide since it's his children involved.

Quoting kss12:

Any advice?? Lol I'm getting no bites on this!


Quoting goddess99:

bump



Knightquester
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 8:19 PM
2 moms liked this

I hope this doesn't come across wrong, because I know I'm tired today and may be harsher with my words than intended.

So here goes, "I think you're over thinking something that hasn't even happened yet".  From what I'm gathering you haven't even had another baby yet, much less gotten pregnant with one.  Things could very well change from now until the day you were to deliver a second child to where all these "what if's" aren't even a question.

kss12
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 8:23 PM
There are plenty of people who are harsher than you! :) I agree and always over analyze things.. I always have even as a little girl. Some would say I'm a worry wart. I just wonder about things!


Quoting Knightquester:

I hope this doesn't come across wrong, because I know I'm tired today and may be harsher with my words than intended.

So here goes, "I think you're over thinking something that hasn't even happened yet".  From what I'm gathering you haven't even had another baby yet, much less gotten pregnant with one.  Things could very well change from now until the day you were to deliver a second child to where all these "what if's" aren't even a question.


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SlapItHigh
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 8:24 PM

I think you need to include both children.  

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